Outgrown
by Urban Scrawl
Summary: Elissa, the mischievous daughter of the noble Couslands, has always befriended the unexpected. When she accepts her fate as a Grey Warden, she finds herself torn between her childhood first love and her promised sweetheart. F!Cousland/Alistair/Nathaniel
1. First Impressions

A/N: The usual disclaimer, I do not own bioware or the dragon age franchise (it would be nice if I did ^^) Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome.

**First Impressions**

Elissa Cousland squirmed in her clothing while her nanny forcefully kept her down on the stool, trying to brush out the tangles in her hair. A frilly dress adorned with an absurd amount of lace was thrust upon her by Nan, who insisted that she dress and act like a proper young lady for one day.

"Stop fidgeting, girl!" Nan smacked her on the head with the back of the brush.

"I can't help it, it hurts!" Elissa yelped as Nan pulled out another tangle from a lock of hair with little mercy.

"If you acted more like a noble than a shameless piglet in the mud, you wouldn't have to feel this and I wouldn't have to waste my time trying to make you look suitable for the Arl and Arlessa!" Nan replied curtly and continued to brush at Elissa's hair.

Elissa scratched at her neck, the lace on the dress was itchy and uncomfortable. "I don't understand why I have to dress up for the Arl. I was allowed to wear my normal clothes while we were traveling here!"

Nan sighed. "That is different. It's not practical to wear something elegant while traveling. Besides, what you call your 'normal' clothes is nothing more than Fergus's old cast offs! Absolutely shameful, I wonder why your father allows you to be so wild."

Elissa sighed and stared out the window, trying to ignore the hairbrush that was ruthlessly pulling at her scalp. Outside, there was a beautiful view of the town docks. The water sparkled as gentle waves lapped over the surface. The sun was bright and the sky was a perfect blue. It was much too beautiful of a day to spend stuck inside a snooty castle, preparing for meeting more old people that her mother and father were acquainted with. She longed to run outside and explore Redcliffe, rather than being forced to sit down and behave while the adults around her chattered inanely over matters that did not interest her in the slightest.

"There!" Nan announced as she knotted the last ribbon in Elissa's hair. "Now look in the mirror and thank me for the work I've done to make you presentable!"

Nan firmly turned her towards a giant framed mirror on the wall and nodded approvingly at her own work. Elissa's long blond hair was pleated with silk ribbons into one braid halfway down her back. Wisps of hair that escaped from the ribbons curled around the frame of her face. Her eyes were as blue and clear as the summer sky. The only thing that marred her complexion was a sprinkle of freckles across the bridge of her nose, Nan tutted at the imperfection, wishing the child would listen to her and try to stay out of the sun. At the age of nine, it was clear that Elissa would grow up to be a beautiful noblewoman…if she would just grow out of her tomboyish ways.

Elissa simply pouted at her reflection and scratched at her wrists. "I want to take off the dress, Nan."

Nan gave an exasperated sigh. "We are guests at Arl Eamon's castle. You must not whine about such things. When we get back to Highever, you can run around stark naked for all I care."

The door to the guestroom opened and Teyrna Eleanor Cousland elegantly stepped in. "We're getting ready to meet the Arl and the Arless…are you ready, Elissa?"

"Yes, mother!" Elissa dashed towards the door and threw her arms around her mother's knees.

Elenor did not brush off her daughter as most noble mothers would but instead quickly bent down to embrace Elissa. "This can't be my Elissa! My Elissa was filthy and running around in scuffed up trousers just a few moments ago. Nan! What have you done with my daughter!" She teased which sent Elissa into a fit of giggles.

"You're welcome as always, my lady. Although I hope she will stay this way for more than a few moments this time around." Nan chided, straightening the pleats on Elissa's dress.

"Well, come now, my daughter. Your father and Fergus are already with our hosts." Elenor rose and held out her hand to Elissa. "We want to show how us Cousland ladies are dignified and lovely, don't we?"

The pouted face immediately left Elissa's expression and she took her mother's hand. She straightened her back to look as regal as she could. "Yes, mother." She pleasantly agreed and they both strode back down the hall, looking very much like the noble family they represented.

Nan watched them leave and let out another sigh. She would only give Elissa a few moments until all hell broke loose yet again.

* * *

Alistair was hiding in his secret place, hoping that the stable hands would quickly give up their search for him. The Arlessa was insufferable today, with hundreds of pointless random demands, and as always, Alistair ended up with most of the duties since her page boys felt the suffering should fall upon the boy she despised so much.

His hiding place was a small enclosed space within the tall hedge bushes against the western wall of the castle. He had stumbled upon it several years ago and it became his safe haven away from the burdens from the reality that was his life.

Alistair sat with his arms wrapped around his knees and with his back against the hard stone wall. A few wispy clouds were floating slowly across the blue sky. He watched several birds fly gracefully above him and sadly yearned for their freedom.

He was constantly told to be grateful to the Arl for his generosity. Where else would an orphaned bastard child go to? He was told his departed mother had no family and the father was un-named. The only item he has that belonged to his mother was an old amulet that he kept around his neck. He desperately hoped that his mother had loved him…that anyone in this world loved him…even if she was no longer amongst the living.

The servants all said that Alistair's upbringing had made him more grown than a boy his age should be. He was quiet and reserved, even when the Arlessa was spitefully ordering him around. Everyone mentioned that a boy his age should be happier and more outgoing…yet Alistair always kept a serious demeanor.

He sighed and looked up at the position of the sun. It was still the afternoon but he has been in hiding for a good hour or two. There was no point to delay the inevitable. Eventually the Arlessa's servants would find him and make him do another insufferable job.

Suddenly he heard thrashing in the bushes to his left. The leaves shook as if something was trying to get through. He heard panting and slight whimper. Had one of the mabari pups gotten away from the hound master? He approached the hedge slowly, wondering if the animal was caught.

A head popped out from the leaves and Alistair fell back in shock. It wasn't a mabari at all! It was a girl…with leaves and twigs embedded into her hair. He was also surprised how clear her blue eyes were…they were as blue as the sky he was just staring up at.

"Um, hello!" The blue eyed girl greeted him.

Alistair remained speechless, still shocked at the hilarity of the situation.

"My name is Elissa…" The girl introduced herself when he didn't reply. "I'm stuck…could you help me out?"

Alistair recovered and remembered his manners. "Uh…yes. Of course. Hold on." He crawled over and took her outstretched hand. He yanked her free from the hedges with one pull, but heard sounds of cloth tearing.

"Thank you." Elissa smiled at him, brushing the leaves from her hair. Locks of her blond hair escaped from her braid and were curling in opposite directions. She had more dirt smudged on her face than on her dress…if it could still be called a dress.

"It looks like your gown is ruined." Alistair pointed out, looking at the bits of torn lace left in the branches in the hedges.

"I hate this dress, so anything bad that happens to it is an improvement!" Elissa declared, tearing off a lace cuff on her wrist. She sat down and felt herself relax. Fergus and several servants must be looking for her by now. She turned to her savior. "Thank you again for your help. Your name…?"

"Alistair." He replied, sitting himself down next to her.

"Very nice to meet you, Alistair. Although the Arlessa said there were no children my age around here. I knew she was lying! It's such a big place…how could there not be a kid or two?" Elissa nodded to herself.

Alistair looked at her with a bit of scrutiny. He tried to remember one of the servants telling him about guests that were arriving today. "Are you by chance…"

"Shh!" Elissa suddenly clapped her hand around his mouth.

The sounds of hectic footsteps stomped around outside the hedges.

"Where in the name of Andraste did that girl run off to?!" A voice angrily boomed.

"She couldn't have gotten far. She has to be around the castle somewhere." A voice replied, Alistair immediately recognized it to be Teagan, Eamon's younger brother.

"ELISSA COUSLAND! YOU GET BACK OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" The male voice yelled.

Elissa still kept her hand over Alistair's mouth and winced at the shout.

"Let us check the gardens. She may have gone over there." Another voice volunteered, most likely one of the kitchen staff.

The footsteps immediately thundered past the hedges and towards the opposite direction. Elissa didn't remove her hand from Alistair's mouth until the sounds of the search party were completely gone.

"I'm sorry about that." Elissa sheepishly sat back. "I believe I may be in a bit of trouble."

"Who was that man who was shouting for you?" Alistair asked, rubbing his face.

"That would be Fergus…my older brother." Elissa waved him off. "He's no man, just a boy who thinks he's a man. He thinks he can be my keeper why we're here."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "Why are they searching for you?"

Elissa simply shrugged. "My family is here to visit the Arl and Arlessa. I met them a little while ago with my parents and Fergus. Father and the Arl walked off to talk amongst themselves and Fergus and Teagan went off to the side as well. I was stuck with my mother and the Arlessa." Elissa shuddered. "That woman is so frightfully…painful to listen to."

Alistair couldn't help nodding in agreement. "Yes, I know."

"It was such a bore!" Elissa exclaimed, raising her hands to emphasize her words. "I couldn't stand it any longer. I lied to them and said I needed to use the chamber pot. When I got to the room, I immediately climbed out the window and ran away." She said proudly.

Alistair tilted his head at her. "Wouldn't your parents be angry?"

"They'll be a little angry." Elissa sighed. "But they are as used to it as I am. They'll forget about it shortly."

"Wait…Elissa COUSLAND." Alistair finally recognized the name. "You are the daughter of Teyrn Cousland?!"

Elissa fidgeted. Whenever she met another child, they immediately shy away after finding out who she was. "Yes…I am. Does that displease you?"

Alistair couldn't wrap his mind around it. Elissa was the daughter of the Couslands, the big guests that the Arl and Arlessa have been anticipating for the past few days. From what he had gleaned from the gossip amongst the servants, it seems that they are the most noble of the nobles. Yet, the very daughter of the Couslands was sitting on the ground with him, with leaves in her hair and dirt on her face. "Why would the daughter of a Teyrn be hiding in the bushes?"

She grinned at Alistair. "I can tell you are hiding as well. Who are you trying to get away from?"

It was his turn to fidget. "The Arlessa." He answered honestly.

Elissa happily got on her knees to face him. "That makes us comrades! I am technically hiding from her as well."

Alistair gave a rueful smile. "If you say so…my lady."

"No, please! Don't call me that." Elissa begged. "Everyone at Highever already does…even Roland Gilmore…and he's my age!"

"But it's appropriate." Alistair said seriously.

"How old are you?" Elissa asked.

Alistair had to think about it for a moment. When all the seasons somehow merged into one, it was difficult to track his own age. "Ten." He finally answered, thinking of the previous summers.

"Then you are just a year older than I. You shouldn't have to call me…your lady." Elissa insisted.

"Then what should I call you?"

"Anything but 'my lady'…please." She stubbornly requested.

Alistair nodded. "If you say so…I will try, my l-…I mean, Elissa."

Elissa smiled in approval. She looked around the hedges. "Well…as appreciative I am of this hiding spot, it is a bit confining, don't you think?"

Alistair shrugged. "I like it."

"How about we go hide in your room?" Elissa suggested. "I'm positive Fergus will find me here sooner or later. He's quite sly."

Alistair shook his head. "I don't think you would like my room."

"Why not?"

He hesitated. "I live in a room above the stables."

Elissa stared at him, blinking. "You live in the stables?"

"Yes…so I don't believe…"

"That sounds incredible! You are so lucky!" Elissa exclaimed, her jealousy was genuine.

"P-pardon?" Alistair stuttered, not anticipating her reaction.

"Do the stables carry horses?" She asked, leaning towards him.

"Yes, they do. And some goats and cows…with a few mabari hounds…"

Elissa immediately stood straight up. "I insist you take me to your room so we can continue hiding there!"

"Why would you want to see the stables?" Alistair asked, confused more than ever.

"I love the animals in the stables in Highever." Elissa beamed and quickly walked towards the small tunnel in the hedges which she crawled through. "But mother will not allow me to spend as much time as I want with the animals. But our stable master is quite kind to me. He allows me to brush and feed them from time to time. Now…" She crouched down to crawl back out. "Let's go!"

Alistair scratched at his dark blond hair as he watched Elissa wriggle out of the hedges. "You are quite odd for a noble."


	2. A Knight in Shining Armor

**A Knight in Shining Armor**

Fergus had found Elissa in the stables playing with the mabari puppies with a stable boy. He quickly strode over, hoisted her over his shoulder as if she were a sack of potatoes and immediately headed back towards the castle. Elissa flailed her arms and legs, punching her fists into her brother's back to try to make him let her go, but it was no avail. Alistair quietly followed behind them both, to make sure that no harm would come to Elissa.

Fergus dropped his sister onto her feet in front of Teyrn Bryce Cousland and Arl Eamon Guerrin…both of them shocked at Elissa's disheveled appearance.

"By the Maker…what has happened to you, pup?! You're filthy!" Bryce immediately bent down to wipe the dirt off her cheeks.

Before Elissa could answer, Fergus crossed his arms and scowled at his sister. "She slipped away from us when we weren't looking. I have been looking for Elissa for Maker knows how long. I found her playing in the stables with the mabari puppies. One of the stable boys was with her."

"He's not a stable boy!" Elissa fumed, glaring at Fergus. "His name is Alistair…and he is my friend!" She pointed to Alistair who was trying to respectfully keep his distance.

Bryce's head immediately turned towards the quiet boy trying to blend into the background. Eamon sighed and walked over to Alistair and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Now, son. Is this true? Were you playing in the stables with Lady Cousland?"

Elissa groaned when Eamon mentioned her title. Her father hushed her and stood up to observe the boy himself.

Alistair simply nodded, not meeting Eamon's gaze.

Eamon shook his head. "Now Alistair, I know I have raised you better than this. You have caused much panic for our guests."

"Yes, Arl Eamon. I apologize…I did not mean to worry the Couslands because of my selfishness."

"Don't apologize!" Elissa yelled and Arl Eamon lept a bit in surprise. Fergus and her father were used to her outbursts and simply sighed at her shout. She immediately ran over to the Arl and tugged at his sleeve. "Please do not fault Alistair for any of this! This is all my fault! I was the one who ran away and made him take me to the stables to play with the animals."

Bryce couldn't help smiling a bit as he walked over to his daughter and placed his hand on her head. "I am in agreement with my daughter, Eamon. This is not the first time she has run off somewhere and got herself into a bit of a…mess. Don't be hard on the boy, I believe this is mostly Elissa's doing."

Fergus couldn't help nodding in the background in agreement. They both knew how Elissa was.

"But it still falls on us that we failed as hosts to have your daughter fall to this…condition." Eamon tried to say as delicately as he could. Elissa was not only covered in dirt but her hair was full of twigs and leaves and her dress was torn and smelling of stable muck.

"Ah, my friend." Bryce couldn't help to cough to cover a chuckle. "I am a bit embarrassed to say this is not the worst I have seen my daughter."

"You should have seen her on last year's harvest festival." Fergus muttered. "How she fell into the barrel of Chantry wine. The Chantry sister was furious at us for a month."

"Or the celebration of the King's birthday in Denerim…she somehow found her way into the palace larder, got chocolate all over herself, hid under one of the decks and came out covered in ants." Bryce couldn't help but to laugh at that story.

Elissa tugged on Eamon's sleeve again. "Please, Arl Eamon. Don't blame Alistair. He was looking out for me, I swear it."

Eamon gave Bryce a questioning look and Bryce answered with a slight nod. Eamon sighed and turned back to Alistair. "I'm sorry, son. I shouldn't have blamed you for all this. But you should have done the right thing and immediately come get us when you found her."

Alistair nodded solemnly. "I understand, Arl."

"And YOU, young lady." Bryce took hold of Elissa's chin and held it up so she could meet him in the eye. "You should be ashamed of yourself. Look how much worry you've caused our hosts! And just look at yourself! You have caused much trouble for this poor young boy…"

"It was no trouble at all, Teyrn." Alistair interrupted and everyone turned to him in surprise, especially Eamon. Alistair was not prone to speak out. "Lady Elissa wasn't any trouble at all. I apologize for not bringing her to you sooner."

Elissa watched her father smile gently and clap his hand on the boy's arm. "He is trying to take a blow for you, pup. Isn't he quite a knight in shining armor?"

Elissa met Alistair's amber eyes with her blue ones and gave a wide grin. "Yes, I agree!"

* * *

For the entire week, Elissa could not be apart from Alistair. Every morning she immediately snuck away from Nan and ran over to the stables to wake Alistair up. Even though her parents would not allow her to wear the old trousers she loved, they relented and let her wear linen dresses that was meant more for play rather than elegance. Even Nan conceded and tied her blond hair into a ponytail because a braid would get in the way of her play.

The Arlessa was annoyed but kept to herself about the Teyrn's daughter and Alistair playing together. She could not make Alistair do her duties while he was busy entertaining the Cousland girl.

Alistair even showed signs of smiling while with Elissa. Each time he showed her the most mundane things in Redcliffe, her blue eyes widened and brightened as if he was the Maker himself. He found himself joking with her, to get her to laugh with him. Her laughter was some of the best music he has ever heard.

Today, he would be showing her how to fish. He borrowed two fishing poles from one of the servants and they both headed down to the docks.

Bryce and Eamon were gazing out from one of the rooms of the castle, both of them were watching Alistair and Elissa walking towards the village docks, each holding a fishing pole and swinging a bucket between them.

"I wished to find Alistair in better care, my friend." Bryce broke the silence, watching his daughter chatter away and laugh.

Eamon sighed. "My wife dislikes the boy…she suspects that he is mine. I cannot tell her the truth."

"I understand that you cannot." Bryce frowned and turned to face him. "But a stable boy, Eamon? Even you can see that this is not right."

"What else can I do?" Eamon replied wearily. "The boy is unaware of his origins. Maric made the handful of us swear that we would not tell anyone where he came from."

Bryce turned back to the window. He lost sight of the children. "Perhaps I should take him back with me to Highever…"

"You know you cannot do that, Bryce." Eamon sadly sighed. "Loghain would think you will try to usurp the crown from Cailan by using Alistair."

"Politics." Bryce muttered in disgust. "This is a child we're talking about. I have no interest in usurping any crown. I am loyal to Ferelden and it's King."

"Loghain will think that you will try to get Alistair together with your daughter, as he has done with his daughter Anora and King Cailan." Eamon gently said, understanding Bryce's aversion.

Bryce did not answer, instead he continued to look out the window.

"My wife is insisting I send Alistair to the Chantry to train as a templar." Eamon confessed. "I am beginning to think this may be the best option."

"The Chantry?" Bryce repeated, surprised. "You would send him off to a life of servitude and celibacy?"

"Considering how he is faring with me…" Eamon slumped his shoulders in defeat. "I am ashamed how he is being treated…and I cannot correct it easily. At least at the Chantry he would have a bit more freedom than he would here. And nobody would suspect his background."

"Wouldn't you miss him?"

Eamon did not hesitate to answer. "I would. I love the boy, even though how my wife has been treating him…he is good and obedient. I want to do what is best for him…even if Maric did not request it from me."

Bryce did not reply to Eamon. He looked down at the courtyard and saw his wife politely listening to the Lady Isolde's stories. Eleanor had confessed that she had no more love for the Arlessa than Elissa had.

He sighed and continued to gaze out the window. "We will be leaving Redcliffe tomorrow, Eamon. I am a bit homesick."

Eamon nodded and rejoined his friend at the windowsill. "That is too bad. I wonder how the children will take it."


	3. Playing Family

**Playing Family**

"I caught another one!" Elissa happily shouted as she pulled a small fish out of the water.

"That's good, hurry up and place it in the bucket with the others." Alistair helped her untangle the fish from her line.

She dropped the newest fish into the bucket and watched in fascination as their scales flashed in the water.

"What are you so entranced at?" Alistair asked as Elissa continued to stare at the caught fish.

"I was thinking that the biggest fish would be the papa fish, the second biggest would be the mama fish, and all the other small ones are the babies." She said, bending down to place her hands on her knees.

"That's quite silly to think that. They are not really a family." Alistair said, staring out at the water.

Elissa sat down next to Alistair. "It's not silly. Have you ever played 'family'?"

"No, what is that?"

"It's when you pretend to be a family. I made Fergus play it with me all the time. He always played the dad and I would play the daughter." Elissa wrinkled her nose at the memory. "It was annoying. He just thought it would be a good way of bossing me around."

Alistair turned to Elissa and gave a rare smile. "That actually sounds quite fun. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone around here to play that game."

Elissa nodded thoughtfully and got up. She brushed off her blue linen dress and placed her hands on her hips. "Okay! Then let's play! I can be the mother and you can be the father!" Excited at the prospect of a new game to play with Alistair.

Alistair was hesitant. "What do I need to do?"

"Pretend to be the father!" She walked over to one end of the dock. "Pretend I'm your wife who just got home from the market." Elissa began to imitate her mother's elegant stride as she walked over to Alistair slowly. "Hello, darling. I am finally home! I have missed you."

Alistair stared at her blankly with no reply.

Elissa stared back as she waited for him to play. "Are you not going to say anything to your wife, my dear husband?"

Alistair uncomfortably shifted where he sat. "I don't know how to reply. I've never had a mother or father."

Elissa paused. Alistair sounded lonesome again. He had explained to her before that his mother had died when he was born and the Arl had been raising him…but he was by no means his father.

"I'm sorry, Alistair. I didn't mean to depress you." Elissa sat back down next to him, her legs dangling off the docks like his.

"It's fine, really." Alistair gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I can't play this game with you. I don't know how a husband would act."

Elissa gazed across the water thoughtfully. "I've never played the wife myself. I was trying to copy my mother. Like I said, Fergus only played it with me and he always made me the daughter."

Alistair sighed and turned to Elissa. "Okay then. What would your father do if your mother returned from the market?"

Elissa thought about it for a moment, tapping her finger to her cheek. "He would welcome her back and kiss her, I suppose."

Alistair immediately turned red and turned away. "Oh, I see…well, it's a silly game anyway."

Elissa teased. "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Have _you _ever kissed a boy?" Alistair countered defensively.

"Of course! I kiss my father all the time. Sometimes Fergus too."

"That doesn't count. They're family." Alistair said.

Elissa closed her eyes and got back into her character. "Dear, I came back from the market! I have missed you so! Have you missed me?"

Alistair stared at Elissa's face, her eyes were shut as she smiled expectantly. A small breeze blew from the water and rustled through Elissa's tied up hair.

He swallowed nervously and slowly brought his lips onto hers. Elissa opened her eyes and found herself staring straight into Alistair's.

They broke apart, both of them silent after receiving their very first real kiss. They both began the chuckle nervously and then found themselves doubled over in laughter…laughing over absolutely nothing more than how absurd and awkward they both felt.

Elissa's first kiss tasted of salt and sunshine. And she would always remember it.

_

* * *

_

Elissa did not take the news of their departure very well. She begged her mother, she cried in front of her father, but neither of them changed their minds about leaving the next night. Her parents and brother were relaxing in the common room, trying to wait out Elissa's hysterics.

"Elissa, honey. You realize we cannot stay here forever! We live in Highever, not Redcliffe." Eleanor tried to soothe her daughter's crying.

"B-but! It's too short…I w-want to stay longer…" Elissa hiccupped, rubbing her red eyes.

"We could just leave her here. I'm sure the Arl and the Arlessa would not mind the whiny brat…Maker knows we'd get a relief of it back home." Fergus said sarcastically, paying no mind to Elissa's weeping and continued to read a book in his hands.

Eleanor shot her son the 'now-is-not-the-time' glare. Elissa's bawling started again and she buried her face into her mother's lap.

"What about Alistair then?" Elissa choked out. "He'll be lonesome without me!"

"I'm sure Alistair will be fine. He was just fine before we arrived, he'll be okay after we leave." Bryce lied as he patted his daughter on the head. "Besides, you can always write correspondences to each other when you are back in Highever."

"It's not the same." Elissa moaned into her mother's dress.

"Darling, you know we all have duties to get back to in Highever. Including yourself. Of course we have to go back and see all the people we love. But this does not mean we will never see Redcliffe again." Eleanor stroked Elissa's back.

Elissa slowly stood up and rubbed at her red face. Her mother and father looked expectantly at her since her tears had stopped. "I'm going to wash my face." She simply stated and slowly wobbled out the room, disorientated from her crying fit.

The Teyrn and Teyrna both sighed in relief. Bryce turned to his wife. "Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"It is quite saddening…she got so attached to Alistair in such a short time. It's most likely because we do not have many children her age around the castle. And Lady Isolde…" Eleanor couldn't help to give a slight shudder. "She is not kind to him…and even Elissa knows it."

"Both of them will be fine." Bryce assured Eleanor, wishing that it was true.


	4. Sweet Goodbye

**Sweet Goodbye**

Alistair was not as emotional about the Cousland's departure, but he felt the depression just the same. The week that Elissa had been at Redcliffe was the best in his life. The next morning, he stayed in the room above the stables, deliberately ignoring the Arlessa's staff who hollered at him to come down. He wanted to stay in his rooms and avoid facing the truth.

The handful of Cousland servants that had accompanied the family to Redcliffe were briskly packing up for the trip home. Eleanor held onto Elissa's hand, overseeing the work to make sure nothing would be forgotten or misplaced. The Teyrna noticed that her daughter was oddly quiet. Her behavior was not what she was used to seeing in her bright, mischievous girl. Eleanor also noticed that Alistair was nowhere to be found.

Fergus was busy tending to his riding horse with Teagan and Bryce was speaking with Arl Eamon at the side of the courtyard. The Arlessa was apart from them as well, fuming at several of the castle's elven servants, with the usual Orlesian flair, Eleanor mused to herself. She tugged at Elissa's hand, trying to get her attention. "Come, love. Let's say our goodbye to the Arlessa and thank her for their hospitality."

Eleanor and Elissa walked over and heard some choice harping that the Lady Isolde has been going on about. "What do you mean he refuses to do anything?! He is nothing more than a stable boy! Just go up to his room and drag him down! Are you all so useless you cannot even throw a child out a window? I should…Oh! Lady Cousland!" The Arlessa immediately began to smooth out her hair. "I'm sorry you caught me at such an…inappropriate moment."

"Yes…" Eleanor did not object to her statement. "By chance, are you talking about Alistair?"

Elissa's ears immediately perked up at Alistair's name. She unconsciously gripped her mother's hand and leaned in to listen to the person that she had tried so hard to ignore all week.

"Yes, I am…that worthless boy." The Arlessa angrily crossed her arms and tapped her finger against her slender elbow. "He was to do some errands to assist your family's trip back home, but he is refusing to leave the stables! What a lazy thing! I am glad that my husband has decided to send him to the Chantry!"

Elissa's eyes got bigger. The Chantry?! Why would the Arl send Alistair away? Alistair's home was here, wasn't it?

Eleanor nodded. Bryce had mentioned his conversation with Eamon the other night. Even though Eleanor was also more than willing open their home to Alistair, unfortunately the politics of the situation would mean dire consequences for the Couslands from the throne.

"I must find him!" Elissa cried and pulled her hand from her mother's. She quickly ran off, ignoring the shouts from the people behind her.

Elissa ran to the stables and burst open the doors. There were no hands around, only the animals that were either grazing at their food or resting at their stalls. She ran over to the ladder hole that led to Alistair's room. He had pulled the rope ladder up so there was no way of climbing in.

"Alistair!" Elissa yelled. "I know you're up there! Please answer me!"

Alistair was huddled on his bed when he heard Elissa call his name. He quickly got up and peered down at her. Elissa was jumping in place.

"Elissa! What are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be going home?" Alistair asked, still surprised that Elissa was still in Redcliffe.

"Throw down your ladder, Alistair! Let me talk to you!" Elissa pleaded.

Alistair complied and let down the rope ladder. Elissa nimbly climbed up in a matter of seconds and pulled it back up behind her.

"What are you still doing here, Elissa?" Alistair repeated his question.

"I was waiting for you to come by and say goodbye." She sniffed, willing herself not to cry again.

Alistair shook his head and hugged his knees. "I don't want to. If you're leaving, you should just go."

"But I overheard the Arlessa saying that you might be sent away to the Chantry." Elissa reached over and tugged at his shirt sleeve.

Alistair shrugged. "She threatens it all the time. I'm not overly concerned."

Elissa frowned. "How can you be so serious all the time, Alistair? I will miss you terribly!"

Alistair felt himself warm to those words but tried to brush it off as quickly as possible. "You're leaving for Highever. You will go back home and never think of me again."

"What?!" Elissa exclaimed, feeling her temper rising.

"I said, you will go back home and never think of me again. You will be surrounded by your loved ones and your life will resume as normal. The same as me. There will be no point in missing me."

With those serious words, Elissa drew her hand back and slapped Alistair as hard as she could across his face. The impact threw him back and he was stunned at the force the lanky girl had dealt.

"I will miss you, Alistair!" She hissed through her teeth. "And I demand you miss me as well!"

Alistair rubbed at his cheek and couldn't help letting out a laugh in disbelief. "You demand it?!"

"Yes!" Elissa's eyes began to water out of fury. She angrily rubbed them away. "I, Lady Elissa Cousland, demand you miss me once I am gone!"

Alistair couldn't answer, her order was so ridiculous he couldn't come up with a reply.

Elissa's bottom lip kept quivering as she did her best to hold back her tears. "And I also demand that you stop being so broody and serious all the time!" Her voice got higher and angrier. "The Alistair that I want to miss will be the same one I spent these days with…fun and happy and clever!"

Alistair watched the tears run down Elissa's cheeks as she tried to hold herself with dignity. He then burst out laughing so hard he rolled onto his side and his voice shook through the stable rafters. Elissa immediately stopped crying and watched him laugh at her. "What is so funny?!" She asked angrily, stomping her foot.

He was laughing at the absolute absurdity of her request. She demanded that he not only miss her, but to change his personality as well? He couldn't help but to laugh. He was so depressed that Elissa was leaving and he was about to resolve to forget about her, but she had come up to his room and insisted upon being missed. How could he not laugh at such a ludicrous situation?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Alistair got up from the ground and caught his breath. Elissa's face was bright red from her anger and glaring at him. He immediately got down on his knee and took her hand. "Lady Cousland, I will comply to your demands." He looked up at her and saw she was no longer angry but surprised. Whatever reaction she was expecting from Alistair, this was not it.

"I, Alistair, promise that I will not only miss you, but try not to be so broody and serious all the time." His eyes twinkled.

Elissa smiled happily and threw her arms around him. This was the Alistair that had slowly awakened over the week that she had come to cherish. "I'm glad! So glad!" She rubbed her face into his hair.

"Elissa! Are you in there?" They heard Fergus calling from outside the stables. "The wagon is packed and we're preparing to leave!"

Alistair threw the ladder back down and gestured her to climb down. "Come on, Lady Cousland. Your chariot awaits."

"Will you come watch us go?" Elissa asked, hesitant to leave.

"Yes, I will." Alistair smiled. "How else, will I be able to miss you if I do not see you ride off?

* * *

The Couslands bade their farewells to everyone at the Castle of Redcliffe and began their journey down the road toward Highever. The Teyrn and Teyrna were on their respective horses and Elissa rode with Fergus's steed. She did not stop waving goodbye to everyone until they were all out of sight.

Alistair watched the Couslands leave, standing with the Arl long after the Arlessa and the castle staff have gone back into the castle.

"Didn't expect you to become so attached to the Lady Elissa, did you, boy?" The Arl mused to Alistair while they were alone.

"I didn't expect a lot of things to be honest." Alistair admit.

The Arl sighed and patted the boy on the back. "Come on now. We both have many things to take care of."

"Arl Eamon!" Alistair called out before Eamon could walk away. Eamon turned around, looking puzzled.

Alistair recalled when Elissa had warned him that he may be sent to the Chantry. Before he is taken away, there was one question he had always wanted to ask of the Arl. One thing that would ease some of his self-torment. He swallowed nervously and faced the Arl, meeting his gaze. "I would like…" Alistair faltered but then found his resolve again. "I would like to know who my father is!"

.


	5. An Early Gift

**An Early Gift**

Another arrow that Elissa had shot from her bow found the bullseye of the target perfectly. Still concentrating, she quickly and gracefully notched another from her quiver and concentrated to land another. As she drew the bowstring back, she did not notice the person who had quietly snuck up behind her.

"Keep trying, Elissa…but I doubt you'll ever be as good as me." The person whispered into her ear.

Surprised, Elissa accidentally let go of the bowstring too soon and the arrow flew way above the target and into a nearby window sill. She heard a small crash and the sound of angry cursing. A very angry Nan then appeared at the window, glaring down at the two suspects that had sent a flying arrow into the kitchen.

"YOU!" Nan angrily yelled, pointing at Elissa and waving the stray arrow with her other hand. "What do you think you're doing, you stupid girl?! You nearly missed planting this thing on my side and it knocked over a bottle of expensive ale!"

Elissa tried to look sheepish. "I'm sorry, Nan! It wasn't my fault! It was his!" She pointed to the perpetrator behind her that had caused her to slip. He raised his hands in mock surrender.

"And YOU!" Nan pointed at the other. "How many times did I tell you to stay away from my girl, you moddled half-wit. Hurry up and get out of here before I release the hounds on you, Nathaniel Howe!"

"Ah, Nan…you are still the beautiful and passionate woman I have come to love." Nathaniel bowed low.

"Humph!" Nan grumbled and strolled away from the window, her cursing was still audible from the kitchens.

"Thanks a lot, Nathaniel." Elissa muttered and strolled over to her well-used practice target. "Nan will be harping on me for days."

Nathaniel shrugged. "It is not my fault if you were unable to concentrate. Being distracted is the worst thing a soldier can do on a battlefield."

Elissa rolled her eyes and pulled out the arrows from the target to place back into her quiver. "So what are you doing in Highever, Nathaniel? Is your father visiting us again? Or do you want to spar with me again?"

"Yes he is…he is with the Teyrn at the moment. And no, I have no desire to receive the usual thrashing." Nathaniel grinned mischievously. "But that is not the reason I am here."

"Oh Maker, what have you done now." Elissa groaned. "I know that look of yours. You always have that stupid face whenever you have something idiotic planned up your sleeve."

"Such little faith." Nathaniel pretended to look hurt and dug into his pack that was slung around his shoulder. "I came to give you…this." He threw a bound package towards Elissa.

Elissa gracefully caught it with one hand and immediately felt the weight. Curious, she unbound the twine and the rough brown paper fell apart, revealing what was wrapped inside.

"A new dagger?!" Elissa exclaimed, picking it up and admiring the blade. It shined brilliantly in the sunlight and the sheath was intricately carved with designs. "Is this for me?"

"You are very welcome." Nathaniel looked smug.

"What is this for?" Elissa turned her blue eyes to him, confused.

Nathaniel sighed. "For Andraste's sake…do you not know that your sixteenth birthday is coming up?"

"But my birthday isn't coming up until next week."

"I thought it would be best if I gave it to you early. Be the first to have the honor." Nathaniel grinned, delighted with surprising her with his present.

Elissa gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you so much, Nathaniel. It is a wonderful gift! My old iron dagger was barely holding together."

Nathaniel stood back and admired Elissa as she fawned over her gift. She had grown out of the lanky boyish build she had when she was a child and her curves had developed beautifully. Her blond curls were no longer and her hair had grown to become golden brown like the rest of the Couslands. She kept her hair shorter than what was in style with the women in Ferelden, but her silky hair still tended to curl at the ends, just as it had when she was a child. Her sky blue eyes were still her most distinguishing feature.

He also had to appreciate the fact that Elissa was one of a kind amongst the noble ladies of Ferelden. Elissa was one of the most talented fighters he has ever met. Her skills had been polished to perfection thanks to the trainers her father had gotten for her over the years. She was more comfortable in her leather wear than in a gown, much to the Teyrna's dismay.

And for those reasons and more, Nathaniel has found himself wistfully in love with the Cousland girl.

"So tell me, Nathaniel…" Elissa broke his reverie. "Why have you gotten me such a wonderful gift so early? I've known you since we were children, don't tell me you don't have some sort of ulterior motive."

"Can't I just do something nice for you?" Nathaniel crossed his arms. "It does you no good to be so suspicious."

"Only when it comes to you, good ser." Elissa teased and sheathed her new dagger on her ankle strap to see how it felt.

"Ha, you got me." Nathaniel grinned. "There is a reason I gave your birthday present early, but you'll have to wait for my explanation tonight."

Elissa sighed. "Fine then. I can wait for tonight." She observed her friend who was leaning back casually against the wall. He wasn't wearing his casual garments but had his noble dress wear on. His black hair was short again.

"What are you looking at?" Nathaniel noticed her stare. "Are you just discovering how ruggedly handsome I am?"

Elissa waved off his remark. "Actually, I noticed that you've cut your hair again. It was getting pretty long when I last saw you."

"Oh, this?" He ran his hair through his short hair. It still felt odd to him. "My father forced the kitchen cook to take her shears to my head. And here I thought he was going to let me get away with it."

Elissa gathered up her bow and un-strapped her archery armguard. "You were looking quite like a pirate there for a while. I bet you had the girls in court swooning over you."

"I never had _you _swooning over me…allow me." Nathaniel picked up her quiver of arrows before she could protest.

"Thank you." Elissa started to walk towards the common rooms. "Your father is here, isn't he? I should make myself proper and greet him."

"He would like that. Thomas and Delilah are also here as well."

"Ah…Thomas." She sighed. The youngest Howe child had developed a severe crush on her in the past year.

Nathaniel chuckled. "Now, now…it's only puppy love, Elissa. Be a sweetheart and don't crush his fragile heart under your boots."

"There is absolutely nothing fragile about the Howes." Elissa quipped and Nathaniel laughed in agreement.


	6. Confession

**Confession**

Elissa changed from her leather armor to her dark blue velvet dress. Nathaniel waited outside her rooms until she was finished changing. He escorted her over to the main hall where she greeted his father, Arl Howe, and Nathaniel's younger siblings, shy Delilah and love-struck Thomas. They were all having a friendly chat with Teyrn Cousland.

The Howes have been friends with the Couslands for as long as Elissa could remember. Arl Rendon would always laugh alongside her father with never ending stories about the 'good old days' of the war with the Orlesians. As much as she loved them, she was already bored from their recounts of old stories they have already told her before…Maker knows how many times.

"Father, may Elissa and I be excused?" Nathaniel requested. "I wanted to meet with the Chantry mother before dinner starts and Elissa said she would take me to her."

Elissa was grateful that Nathaniel was lying to pull her out from the adult conversation. She loved the Howes, but Thomas's staring was becoming uncomfortable.

"Of course, you may." Arl Howe nodded to them both.

"Just be sure to get back before dinner time." Elissa's father said and gave Elissa a knowing look. "Nan has already told me that we should not expect a specific ale for our meal…"

Elissa blushed and bowed her head at the Howes. "Please pardon us." She quickly took the arm that Nathaniel had offered and allowed him to escort her out of the building.

As soon as the heavy wooden doors shut behind them, Elissa let go of Nathaniel's arm and kicked a stone on the street. "Augh, I can't believe Nan has already told him about the stray arrow. Father's going to give me a talk tonight for sure." She groaned, already expecting the worst.

"Hey, now. Don't worry about it. Just tell him it was my fault."

"It IS your fault." Elissa gave him a glare.

Nathaniel shrugged and looked up at the sky. "Look at that. The sun is already going down."

"It won't be dinner time in a bit." Elissa commented, gazing up at the reds and purples that streaked across the evening sky.

"Elissa…" Nathaniel's tone suddenly became serious and it caught her attention. "Will you walk with me for a bit? I have to talk to you about something."

"Is this about my early birthday gift?" Elissa asked.

"Yes, in a way." Nathaniel held out his arm again in a gallant fashion. "Walk with me, my dear Elissa?"

Elissa wondered why Nathaniel's jovial behavior suddenly took a somber turn. She linked her arm with his and he began to walk with her in no specific direction in mind.

"What is going on, Nathaniel?" Elissa asked as they walked. The Cousland castle guards merely inclined their heads at Elissa as she passed.

Nathaniel kept walking in his even pace. "Well, Elissa. You know how I gave you your birthday present early, right? Well the reason I did that is because I will not be here next week for the celebration."

"You're not?" Elissa took a look at Nathaniel. He looked like he was struggling with himself to say something. "My word, Nathaniel…you aren't…DYING are you?"

The serious expression left Nathaniel's face in an instant and he let out a laugh. "Dying, eh? Yes, Elissa…I will be dying in a few days, and I am content to spend these precious last moments with you."

"It was only a question." Elissa smiled, glad that her joke helped ease his tension.

They approached the south end of the castle wall and stopped at the bridge over the small river that ran through the holding. He let her arm go and leaned against the side of the bridge to watch the water flow beneath them. He had to tell her now, or else there will be no chance in the future.

"Nathaniel?" Elissa asked when he remained silent a bit too long for her comfort.

"Elissa, you know this year I am at eighteen years, correct?" Nathaniel asked, keeping his eyes on the water.

"Yes, you are practically an elder at this point in your life." Elissa tried to goad him again. Nathaniel being serious always made her uneasy.

Nathaniel awarded her teasing with a small chuckle but then grew solemn again. He kept his eyes on the flowing water. "Elissa, I am going to go travel in Free Marches for a while."

Elissa blinked in surprise. "Free Marches? Up north? Why would you go there, Nathaniel? It's currently in political unrest at the moment, is it not?"

"That is the reason why I am going." Nathaniel turned around to face her. The sun was setting and the light was already becoming dim. "Teyrn Mac Tir requested my father's assistance in some of the northern villages in Ferelden. He worries that there may be another Orlesian takeover in the works."

Elissa waved Nathaniel's notion off. "Teyrn Mac Tir always worries about some insidious Orlesian plot. It is nothing to overly concern yourself with."

"Be that as it may, I will still need to go. Several men are being sent amongst the bannorn to look into this matter. Father requested this of me. He said he is confident that I will take care of matters." He squared his shoulders, a bit proud.

"I imagine this place will be much more dull without you Nathaniel." Elissa said sadly. "How long do you believe you will be gone?"

"Possibly a year, maybe even longer. It is unknown since we don't know if it is a true threat or not. But I will be leaving in a couple days."

"That is truly sad to hear." Elissa sighed to herself. She and Nathaniel have become close friends over the past couple years. Since she had began taking sparring lessons, she had developed a bit of a kinship for the oldest Howe son. They have been partners in practice for a long time. "I will miss you, Nathaniel."

Nathaniel gave Elissa a sudden determined gaze. "How much will you miss me, Elissa?"

Elissa was a bit taken aback by his voice. "I…will miss you a lot, Nathaniel."

"In what way?" He pursued.

Elissa was now confused. "What do you mean 'in what way'? What in Andraste's name are you talking about, Nathaniel?"

Nathaniel let out a frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his short hair. If Elissa Cousland was going to be this thick headed, then he would have to be straight to the point. He had promised himself to confess everything before he left so he would be able to leave without regrets.

He grabbed hold of her hand and looked straight into her eyes. "Elissa. I have…feelings for you. I would like to know if you have any for me."

Elissa was having difficulty wrapping her head over what Nathaniel had just said. "Wait…feelings? What are you…"

"I love you, Elissa." Nathaniel confessed, tightening his grip on her hand so she would be unable to get away. "I have loved you for the longest time. I would like to know if you feel the same for me."

Elissa's head was swimming. She was not expecting a bold confession like this out of nowhere. She tried to capture the words flying about in her mind. "Nathaniel…this is…very sudden."

"I do not want to pressure you, but I want you to realize my feelings for you. I would like to know if you have any inkling of feeling the same for me." Nathaniel pressed on. He did not want to be overly aggressive with Elissa, but he wanted to make his point across. He has been in love with the girl for years, he wanted her to realize it.

Elissa was glad for the setting sun, because Nathaniel was unable to see how red her face was. She was unsure of what to say. Nathaniel seemed like he wanted an answer now, and she could not think straight to give him a proper one.

"Nathaniel…" She began, trying to think of the most appropriate words. "You know I…care for you a great deal…"

"Yes?" Nathaniel stepped even closer to Elissa, almost hovering over her.

Elissa was flustered. She didn't like that feeling. She was always confidant and sure of what to do. But Nathaniel had just thrown a giant obstacle in front of her and she couldn't figure out how to get over it.

"Do you hate me, Elissa?"

"No! Of course I don't." She said as if he were crazy to ask.

"Do you dislike being with me then?" He asked again.

"No…not at all." She said warily.

"Do you find me as ugly as a troll?" He asked in a jest.

"You are a troll…but not a bad looking one." Elissa answered, a bit more comfortable with their joking repertoire.

Nathaniel took hold of her chin and lowered his head and planted his lips on Elissa's. Her kiss was as soft and sweet as he imagined it would be. She did not fight or struggle to get away…but she did not enthusiastically throw herself into his arms.

When he lifted his lips away from hers, he touched Elissa's forehead with his own. "Elissa…tell me you will wait for me. Tell me you will miss me. And I promise when I return, I will make you the happiest bride in all of Ferelden."

Elissa forced herself back to the reality of the situation. She was on a bridge with Nathaniel Howe, under the night sky that was fading from purple to black. He was leaving to fight a battle and would not know when he would return. And he had just kissed her!

She realized that Nathaniel had let go of her hand. She did not reply…but she did not refuse him. Instead she did the only thing she could think of.

She ran away.

"Elissa!" Nathaniel called behind her.

As she ran, she could not hear whether or not he was following behind her. But there was one thing for certain.

As Nathaniel kissed her, it brought back an image of that summer day in Redcliffe of a kiss that had tasted of salt and sunshine.

And it pained her.


	7. Doors to Unlock

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the encouraging comments ^^ I truly appreciate each one!

* * *

**Doors to Unlock**

"Elissa, please open the door."

"No!" Elissa childishly sat against the heavy door. She had done the only thing that made sense to her at the time. She ran for her room and locked the door behind her.

She despised cowardice…she believed that no matter how hopeless or dire a situation would get, she had the courage and the guts to face it. But then again, she thought while sitting on the floor, this was not a situation that she thought she would have to face.

Nathaniel rapped lightly on the door again. "Elissa, I apologize. I just want to talk."

"Leave me alone, Nathaniel…I…I just need to think!" She dug her fingers into her hair, trying to make herself concentrate and think logically about what was going on.

Nathaniel had confessed to her…proposed to her…and outright kissed her! If it had been anyone else, she would've punched them square in the jaw and then decline their offer. Nathaniel was a friend…a precious friend…she had no idea that he had felt this way.

"I must be stupid." She muttered aloud, continuing to rub at her temples.

"That, you are." Nathaniel answered through the door.

"Shut up, you idiot! I was talking to myself!" She hissed. "Will you please go away! I need time to think! The guards and the servants will think something fishy is going on!"

"You're a little too late to be thinking of their thoughts now, considering you ran up into your room as if you were possessed and locked yourself in like a child." Nathaniel replied calmly.

Elissa didn't answer and slumped against her door. She leaned her head against her knees and tried to see the reason in the tangled mess that had become her circumstances. "Nathaniel…don't you think I'm too young for you to propose to?"

"Yes, you are quite young. Just yesterday you were wetting your nappies and sucking on your thumbs."

"I'm serious, Nathaniel! I am not yet sixteen!" She pounded her fist against the door.

Nathaniel was silent for a moment and answered. "I have been in love with you before I turned sixteen myself, Elissa. You are no longer a child, but the lovely woman I have fallen for."

What an utterly suave thing to say, Elissa thought, trying to scan his reply for sarcasm.

"Besides…" He continued, still talking through the door. "It may be a couple years until I get back from the Free Marches. By then, you will be older…and hopefully more mature as well." He tried to tease.

Elissa didn't bite at his bait. She brooded and began thinking about Fergus and his new wife. He and the Antivan woman were constantly in each other's arms, kissing and caressing as if there were nobody watching. The juvenile half of her mind always thought it was revolting and disgusting but the female half sighed wistfully and wondered if she would ever find somebody to cherish like her brother has.

She had never seen Nathaniel in that way. He was always just Nathaniel. When she was a child, she had a bit of a crush on Ser Gilmore, but even that quickly dissipated when she realized that she would be nothing more than 'Lady Cousland' to him. Wasn't it the same with Nathaniel?

"I am the Teyrn's daughter." She said, as if it were her last shield.

"And I am the son of Arl Howe." Nathaniel simply replied. "I think your parents will be satisfied if you wed me. Think about your other options for a moment and I believe you'll find me quite suitable."

"Suitable?" She scoffed. "Who is suitable in your opinion? A noble like yourself?"

"Suitable because I am a man who already knows all your flaws and I am still in love with you." He murmured loud enough for her to hear through the door.

"Flaws?! What flaws!" She demanded.

"Well, for example…how childish you are when you have experienced one of the most romantic moments of your life and you react by running into your room and locking the door as if you are trying to keep the darkspawn out."

Elissa sighed. He had her there. She slowly got up and unlocked the bolt. As she opened the door, she saw Nathaniel giving a sheepish smile.

"I have not decided yet. You will have to give me some time" Elissa stated honestly. "But please, do not force yourself on me, it will not help your case."

"Noted." Nathaniel inclined his head slightly. He then crossed his arms and lifted his brow. "But don't take too long deciding on an answer. A great catch like myself can be quickly snatched away by some other woman."

Elissa snorted. "Then get snatched away then. If you were more of a gentleman you wouldn't have suddenly kissed me like that."

"Ah…so you are angry because I stole your first kiss?" Nathaniel grinned.

"That wasn't my first kiss, so you stole nothing." Elissa shrugged.

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at her. "Your family doesn't count."

"I know that, you fool." Elissa crossed her arms as well. "Like I said, that was not my first kiss."

"What? Who gave you your first kiss then?!" Nathaniel asked, looking perturbed.

"That is none of your concern." Elissa answered, enjoying that Nathaniel was getting riled up.

"Was it Ser Gilmore?"

"No."

"Who was it?" Nathaniel asked again, getting more angrier by the moment.

Elissa smiled to herself as she remembered the memory. Of the lonely boy at Redcliffe that had become her knight and playmate. The boy she had followed around and pestered until he had given her a rare smile. The boy who gave her some of the most fond memories she would ever look back upon.

The boy that she had never heard from again afterwards.

She looked up at Nathaniel who looked like he was trying to hold back a temper tantrum. She couldn't help laughing at his expression.

"It was a boy. Why do you need a name?"

"So I can hunt him down and flog him!" Nathaniel angrily answered.

Elissa's eyes widened. "Why on earth would you do something like that?!"

"What boy would be gifted with your first kiss…and not groveling at your feet and begging for your love as I am?!"

"Aw…" Elissa chucked Nathaniel under the chin. "You know you are quite cute when you are jealous. And to be quite frank, your kiss wouldn't have counted anyway. I was not expecting it nor did I want it."

Nathaniel immediately strode to her and grabbed her arms. "You didn't want it, did you?" And kissed her firmly and passionately. Elissa was disorientated again. She could not think straight with Nathaniel's hands that were now fisted in her hair and his body pressed so close against hers.

They were both out of breath when he finally broke away from her. He couldn't help feeling a bit smug when he saw her mouth was rosy red from his kisses.

When she got a hold of herself, she glared at him and shoved him away. "I did not say yes!"

Nathaniel bent down to whisper in her ear as he did earlier that morning. "But you did not say no."

* * *

Her dinner with the Howes that night was nothing short of awkward. If her parents or the Arl had any knowledge of Nathaniel's sudden confession, they were doing a marvelous job of hiding it. Elissa kept her eyes to her plate and mumbled one word answers to anyone who asked her a question.

It was also infuriating that Nathaniel acted as if there was nothing going on. As if he did not just force his kisses upon her just a few moments ago. He sat in his chair across from her, laughing at the Teyrn's jokes, poking fun at his siblings.

_Of all the nerve!_ She thought angrily. _Why should I be the only one feeling uncomfortable?_

"So Nathaniel, your father tells me you will be headed to Free Marches in a few days." Bryce took a bottle of wine and refilled Arl Rendon's cup.

"Yes, I am." Nathaniel nodded, sitting up straight in his chair.

"You may be away for more than a couple years. Doesn't that worry you?" Eleanor asked with motherly concern.

Nathaniel paused and glanced at Elissa who immediately looked back down and continued picking at her food. "I will miss many people…but this is something that I must do to help Ferelden. It is an honor that my father has asked me to go."

"Good boy." The Arl gave Nathaniel a rare smile of approval. "I'm sure he will be back shortly, Teyrna Cousland. How can he not? He will easily take care of any uprising those Orlesians are planning and be back with several honors from the king before you know it."

"Oh, Howe. It's a mother's nature to worry. Fergus is with his wife in Denerim on business with the bannorn and it still worries me so!" Eleanor turned to Nathaniel and smiled. "My dear boy, when are you going to stop messing around with these war games and get married to my daughter?"

Elissa began to choke on the goblet of water she was drinking. Her father reached over and rubbed her back. "Are you okay, pup?"

"I'm fine, father." She coughed, trying not to look at Nathaniel or her mother.

Nathaniel couldn't hide his amused smile. "Well, first I would like to help defend our Ferelden lands so I may prove myself worthy of Lady Elissa. However, please let me be the first to know if you finally decide to leave the Teyrn to run off with me, Lady Cousland."

The men bellowed with laughter and Eleanor pinched Nathaniel's cheek with a slight blush.

Nathaniel turned back to Elissa and gave her a small charming smile.

Elissa felt her ears turn red and she went back to paying attention to her dinner.


	8. Time to Consider

**Time to Consider**

Elissa did not feel any less confused the next morning. In fact, she was up all night tossing and turning because she could not find a moment's peace in her mind due to her agitation with Nathaniel. At dawn, she gave up trying to catch her sleep.

She grabbed a green linen dress from her closet and put on her leather boots. She decided to stop by the stables and check on hound master. Recently, one of the females has given birth to a healthy litter of puppies. She figured playing with the animals would be a nice distraction from the humans around her that were giving her so much stress.

Only a few of the guards were up and about this early in the morning. She could smell breakfast cooking from the kitchens. She knew the Howes will most likely be having their morning meal before they left today. She decided to avoid them until they took their leave. She would have to sneak some food from Nan later on.

The stable hands were busy preparing the departure of the Howes and giving the Arl's horses a good brushing. She smiled and waved to the workers who inclined their heads with a quick 'My Lady'. She found the hound master pampering the new mother who was busy feeding her litter of puppies.

"Good morning, my lady. You are up bright and early today." The hound master greeted her.

"I couldn't wait to see if the litter has grown yet." Elissa cooed at the sight of five mischievous little balls of fur.

The man chuckled. "Are you planning on keeping one of these pups as your own?"

"Not until one of them imprints on me…it's only fair to the hound." She crouched down to pet one of the puppies that had wobbled over to her.

One of the servants waved the hound master over. He nodded and waved back. "Beg your pardon, my lady. I will be right back. I need to tend to Arl Howe's pack."

Elissa nodded and went back to playing with the puppies. As she giggled at the litter falling over each other to tug at her skirts, she felt a feeling of nostalgia kick in.

She had been playing with the puppies the first day she had met him. They were both laughing together as the puppies jumped all over, leaving muddy paw prints on the lace dress she had despised.

She wondered how Alistair was faring. It has been a while since she had thought about the quiet boy who lived in the stables at Redcliffe.

Did Arl Eamon send him to the Chantry? She wondered as she scratched a puppy behind it's ears. She remembered sending correspondences after the first few months they had gotten back from Redcliffe, but she has never received any back.

She clearly recalled the promises she had made him make. Did Alistair remember their time together as fondly as she did?

"There's something exceptionally beautiful about a woman who is playing with a litter of puppies."

Elissa jumped at the voice and turned around to see Nathaniel standing behind her.

"Maker, for a man your size you sure know how to sneak up on people." Elissa huffed, dusting her dress off as she got up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you. What a nice painting that would've made…the noble lady playing with the hounds." Nathaniel grinned.

There was an awkward silence between them. They were alone inside the stables. Outside she heard distant voices of the servants as they continued to prepare the Arl's horses.

"Are you trying to avoid me, Elissa?" Nathaniel asked pointedly.

The question hit the target at it's center. Elissa cleared her throat. "What? Why would I…?"

"Elissa, I did not confess to you to push you away." Nathaniel murmured quietly, to keep the servants from hearing.

Elissa hesitated. She had been thinking about a reply all night but she has not come to one. She sighed and straightened her shoulders. "Nathaniel…I've been thinking about what we've…discussed…last night."

"And…?"

"And…" Elissa hesitated. "What you have asked of me is not something I can give an answer to so quickly. It will take some time."

Nathaniel nodded and crossed his arms. "I see."

"It's not because I don't care for you, Nathaniel." Elissa quickly said, nervous at his even tone. "It's because I want to give you an honest answer…with honest feelings. But I need to sort this all out. I have loved you as a friend for years…to suddenly be told to make it something more…is difficult. Is that…bad?"

Nathaniel smiled and shook his head. "It is not bad at all."

"I don't want any bad blood between us, Nathaniel." Elissa truthfully said. "I will miss you when you are gone to the Free Marches. I feel awful that I cannot give you a pleasant lie…but I don't believe you would want that yourself."

Nathaniel leaned back on one of the fence posts and gently took Elissa's hand. "You are correct. I don't want anything other than your true love and affection." He paused and looked into her blue eyes. "If it's time you need then you will be getting plenty of it. I will not be back from Free Marches for at least a couple years, that much is certain."

Elissa laughed at his off-hand joke. "Be gone with you. Make our land safe. Win that imaginary war. If you come crawling back here with your tail between your legs, I will giving you a good thrashing."

Nathaniel chuckled at her threat and gazed at her softly. "You are not accepting my proposal?"

Elissa shook her head and tightened her hand on his. "I have not declined it either."

* * *

The Howes prepared to leave Cousland castle after breakfast. At the gates, the Teyrn gave Nathaniel an affectionate pat on the back. "Stay safe, son. Make sure to come back alive!"

"No one wishes that more than I." Nathaniel grinned.

Eleanor hugged Nathaniel tightly. "Please take care of yourself. Try to send word to us often."

"I doubt I will get many opportunities for it, but I will try." Nathaniel promised.

He then turned to Elissa, with an expecting smile. "Well now, is there no embrace from the young Lady Cousland?"

Elissa tried to hide her blush and felt the eyes of their parents upon her. She slowly stepped up to Nathaniel and gave him an awkward hug. Nathaniel took it one-step further wrapped his arms around her tightly. She squeaked as he spun her around as he did when they were younger. Delilah and Thomas giggled on the side as Elissa smacked at his shoulders. "Put me down, you idiot! Or else you will die before getting your chance to be a war hero!"

Nathaniel complied and put her back down. He took both her hands in his and kissed them loudly. "I wish you an early birthday, Lady Cousland."

Elissa softened and smiled sadly. "Please be sure to come back safely from Free Marches."

"Only if you will be here waiting for me!" Nathaniel declared. Eleanor let out a small laugh as Elissa crossly swat his hands away and stepped back to glare at him. Nathaniel simply winked at her and then climbed onto the back of his horse.

"Come now, we will take our leave." Arl Howe ordered his family and servants. They immediately stirred at their horses and rode away.

Elissa watched Nathaniel ride away, fervently wishing he would come back alive and well.

"Well now, pup…" Teyrn Cousland placed his hand on her shoulder. "Are you by chance making doe eyes at the Howe boy?"

"Wh-what?!" Elissa sputtered and backed away from her parents. "I was doing no such thing!"

"Oh, Bryce. Don't tease her. She'll just refuse it even more." Eleanor playfully smacked her husband on his arm.

"Absolutely not!" Elissa shook her head angrily. "Please get those ideas out of your head."

"Why not? I approve of the Howe boy. It would be a great match." Bryce held back his laughter as he watched his daughter turn as red as a tomato.

"I'm…I'm going to my room!" Elissa huffed and stormed off while her parents laughed quietly amongst themselves.

She promised herself that as soon as Nathaniel Howe came back from Free Marches, she would give him a good punch in the gut for the embarrassment he had caused for her this day.


	9. Unexpected Reunion

A/N: Thanks again for the encouragement, I'm glad Nathaniel was pretty well received considering his competition! I was originally going to skip any parts that would coincide with DA:O but I realized that would completely skip over any Alistair development. So I will montage it as quick and painlessly as possible. ^^

* * *

**Unexpected Reunion**

_Three Years Later_

"Are you okay, Elissa?"

Elissa snapped out of her reverie and looked up at the kind face.

"Ah…I'm sorry, Duncan. I was just thinking about old times…" Elissa stared blankly into the campfire.

"Do not apologize to me. I completely understand." Duncan stirred at an old pot that sat above the banked stones around the fire. "You have been through a lot today."

Elissa didn't reply and continued to stare at the flames.

It was such a quiet and uneventful morning. Fergus and the Cousland army rode off to the south to fight the dark spawn. Bryce had been preparing to join his son the next day and walking Elissa through some of the duties she would have to oversee around Highever while he was gone. Mother was nagging at her about her inevitable destiny as a spinster if she did not act like a lady. Little Oren was pestering his mother about when Fergus would come back…

And then the horrible attack happen in the dead of the night. The Howe soldiers…Arl Howe! How could he betray her father?! They are the closest of friends. It cannot be possible…

Father…mother…

Her mabari hound whined and nudged her side, dropping his massive head onto her lap. Elissa snapped out of her gruesome memories and smiled sadly at her companion. "There, there now. Don't worry about me…I will be fine."

Duncan ladled some vegetable stew into a small wooden bowl and handed it to Elissa. "Come, now. Eat. We will be traveling hard for the next couple days. You will need your strength."

Elissa murmured her thanks and took the bowl into her hands, appreciating the warmth that it brought to her chilled fingers. She turned to the Grey Warden who had set down a bowl of stew for her hound as well. "Ser Duncan…may I ask you a question?"

Duncan chuckled. "As long as you do not refer to me as 'Ser'. It makes me feel a bit more old beyond my time."

Elissa nodded. "Duncan…why do you believe Arl Howe attacked us?"

Duncan sighed as he absently stirred the pot. "I do not know, Elissa. I believe Arl Howe must have been planning this for some time, considering he had attacked right when the Cousland armies went south to assist the darkspawn threat."

"Do you think…Fergus is still alive? Or did Howe get him as well?"

"I believe your brother is probably at Ostagar by now." Duncan confirmed. "I doubt that Howe would go after your brother when he is surrounded by the King's armies."

"Will the King assist the Couslands?"

"I am sure the King will do what he can. I do not think he knows of what has happened tonight, but we will make sure to inform him of the injustice as soon as we can contact him."

Elissa looked down at her food. Duncan's answer did not make her feel any better.

She thought about Arl Howe. How he could turn around and stab her father in the back, she could not understand. Just a few days earlier, they were chatting with each other as friendly as can be.

Her thoughts drifted towards Nathaniel. Her memory of his departure to Free Marches was still vivid in her mind. His easygoing smile, his quick laugh, and his strong embrace. _Nathaniel_…she thought painfully. _Do you know what your father has done? You can't possibly be a part of this…could you?_

Even though she was going to join the legendary Grey Wardens, she was not feeling proud or honored at all. She felt empty…alone. What would she be fighting for when she had just lost everything that had meant something to her?

Duncan cleared his throat to fill the silence. "You know…when I first met you, you reminded me another recent recruit I have brought into the Wardens."

Elissa looked up in question. "Another woman?"

Duncan laughed. "No, no…I'm speaking about character. When I first met you, you reminded me much like him. The recruit, I mean."

Elissa blinked. "In what way?"

"Young…spirited…a desire for a challenge." Duncan smiled and shook his head. "And of course, an obstacle of the guardian that would not give you up without a fight."

"His parents didn't want to let him go either?"

"Not his parents. The Grand Cleric."

"The Grand Cleric?" Elissa furrowed her brow. "Was he part of the Chantry?"

"He was a templar in training, yes." Duncan nodded and ate a spoonful from his stew. "He was not happy there. I saw him on the sides of a tournament they were holding in honor of the Grey Wardens."

Elissa, now interested, leaned towards Duncan in curiosity. "Did you recruit him because of his skill?"

"In part. It was not his skill in battle I was impressed with."

"Then…what did he impress you with?"

"The same thing that you have impressed me with, Elissa." Duncan pat at his heart. "This."

"My…chest?" Elissa asked, confused.

Duncan let out a laugh. "No, no. Your spirit. Your heart. That is ultimately the most important thing any recruit must have in order to join the Grey Wardens."

"Oh…" Elissa frowned. "So it wasn't my fighting skills?"

"Well, that would be quite useful as well." Duncan had a twinkle in his eye. "But do not worry, you will get a chance to show off your talents soon enough. You will meet the one I am speaking about when we reach our destination. I'm sure you will be quite an interesting pair."

Elissa nodded and finished off her stew. She assisted Duncan in cleaning up and banking the campfire. As they settled into their bedrolls, her hound stretched out next to her, as if he were guarding her from any more unknown enemies.

As Elissa laid down on the ground, she stared up at the stars above her. With everyone in Highever dead, it was difficult for her to imagine a new life without the love of her family.

"Duncan?" She whispered, hoping he was not asleep yet.

"Yes?"

"I never got the chance to say this…" Elissa said, gazing at the sky. "But…thank you. For saving me."

"You are quite welcome, Elissa." Duncan replied.

Elissa closed her eyes to welcome a deep sleep to get away from her nightmares in her wake. As her breathing slowed, Duncan sighed and gazed up at the stars himself.

"But do not thank me just yet."

***************

When they finally reached Ostagar, she was amazed by the magnitude of the armies that have gathered there. The realization hit that the darkspawn threat was certainly a reality, no matter what the pretty boy King had said.

She kept her harsh judgment of King Cailan to herself. He reminded her of a spoiled noble child, who just wanted to play when the situation was anything but a game. He would most likely forget about the Howes murdering the Couslands later on as well, and put little expectation that he would fulfill his promise to make sure Arl Howe would get what he deserved.

The only hope that the King has given her is that he confirmed Fergus had arrived with the army. She felt a surge of relief. He was now with a group scouting the wilds. She had faith in Fergus. He would survive and she would be able to go to him and tell him about their parents…and his wife and child.

As they approached the gates, Duncan turned to Elissa. "We will need to start your joining soon. I will need you to go find the Grey Warden that will be assisting you with your ritual."

"What kind of ritual is this, Duncan?" Elissa asked, uneasy about everything being so secretive.

"You will find out soon enough, I promise." Duncan's face had become serious and grave. It made Elissa all the more uncomfortable. "I will take your hound with me for now. He is quite protective and I do not want any soldiers becoming even more nervous."

"Yes, Duncan. Where is the Grey Warden I will need to go find?"

"He is around here somewhere…you will have to ask around. His name is Alistair."

Elissa's heart gave a loud thump at the sound of the name. Alistair? She hasn't heard that name in so long. It couldn't be the same…it must simply be a coincidence.

"Are you okay, Elissa?"

Duncan's question brought her back. "Oh…yes. I'm sorry. Find the Grey Warden by the name of Alistair. I got it."

Duncan nodded. "Good, you will be meeting the other recruits for this joining as well. Find Alistair and we will begin immediately. Time is a luxury that none of us have."

"Yes, Duncan." Elissa inclined her head and she watched the Grey Warden walk off with her hound.

Elissa wound about through the groups of people at Ostagar. She kept an appearance of poise and dignity while inside she was writhing with her thoughts.

_Alistair? There's plenty of people named Alistair. It is a coincidence. That's what it is. Alistair is probably still at Redcliffe with Arl Eamon. The chances of this Alistair being the same are absolutely nothing. Get it together, Elissa._

She paused in the middle of her gait, sadly realizing what she was doing. She was lonely…in need for a companion. With everyone dead back at Highever, she was hoping with a heavy heart that there was someone…_someone_…that she could lean on.

She shook her head. She would need to throw away the fancy of the Warden Alistair being her Alistair and face the reality of the situation.

She had tapped the shoulder of one of the soldiers hanging around the water trough. "Excuse me, might any of you know where I may find the Grey Warden, Alistair?"

"Oh, Alistair? I believe he headed up that way." One of the soldiers motioned towards the north. "He had a message to deliver to one of the mages from the Chantry reverend mother."

Elissa thanked him and immediately headed towards the way the soldier had pointed out.

As she approached the platform she saw two people arguing. One was a mage and another was in armor. She heard bits and pieces of their argument as she approached them.

"…I came to deliver a message from the Reverend Mother, she simply desires your presence."

"What 'her reverence' desires is no concern to me…Assisting the Grey Wardens…"

"Should I have asked her to write a note?" A quick joking reply.

As Elissa approached, she watched the mage's face turn red with anger. The armored soldier kept his back towards her.

"Your glibness does you no credit." The mage angrily waved him off.

"And here I thought we were getting along so well! I was even going to name one of my children after you - the grumpy one." The soldier deflected with humor.

The mage had enough and stormed off. "Fine! I will speak with the woman. Get out of my way you fool!"

The soldier turned around to watch the mage leave and noticed Elissa watching their argument on the side.

He turned to her. "You know…the one good thing about the blight is how it brings people together." He sighed. "It's like a party, we could all stand in a circle and hold hands. That would give the darkspawn something to think about."

"Err…You…you wouldn't happen to be Alistair, would you?" Elissa asked.

"Ah, and that would make you Duncan's new recruit. Glad to meet you." Alistair nodded in acknowledgement and gave her a welcoming grin.

Elissa looked this Alistair over. She could not determine if he resembled the little boy from her memories. His personality was completely the opposite to her Alistair. She remembered her childhood friend to always be a bit sad, not a jester.

"Something on my face?" Alistair asked, noticing Elissa's staring.

"Oh! I'm sorry." Elissa quickly apologized. "You'll have to excuse me, I've been in a bit of a daze lately."

Alistair smiled. "Well enough of that. I am a junior member of the Grey Warden, which means I will be the one to assist you on your joining…err…your name is?"

"I'm pleased to meet you…My name is Elissa." She held out her hand.

Alistair froze and did not receive her gesture. He then narrowed his eyes. "Wait…Elissa? Elissa Cousland?"

"Um…yes?"

Alistair remained still for several seconds. Elissa tilted her head. "Are you all ri…"

Suddenly, Elissa found herself in a tight embrace, Alistair's arms were crushing her against his armor. "I can't believe it! Elissa! Is it really you?!"

Alistair's hug was literally compressing the air out of her. Elissa squirmed in his arms, trying to get a better look at the Warden's face in disbelief. "You wouldn't happen to be…are you…Redcliffe's Alistair?"

"Yes! I am! I can't believe you are here! Oh…" Alistair saw Elissa's suffocation and immediately let her go. "I'm sorry about that…I sometimes forget my own strength." He grinned affectionately.

"No, no…I'm all right." Elissa laughed and leaned against him for support. She suddenly felt delirious with relief and happiness.

Her lonely boy…her Alistair was standing right in front of her. She was so happy her throat choked up with emotion. Did the Maker know how miserable she was and provided her with the friend she had been yearning for in the past several years?

"Are you fine? Did I hurt you?" Alistair asked as he held her arm.

Elissa shook her head, trying not to let the tears come. She looked up and saw Alistair's face was full of concern. The memories were coming back now. His boyish face was now one that belonged to a man. His dark blond hair and his amber brown eyes still remained the same. How could she forget so easily?

"I'm so happy to see you, Alistair." She gave him a brilliant smile. "You've grown so much! I can't believe I didn't recognize you."

"Nor I you." Alistair felt relieved to see her smile. It was the same smile he remembered from long ago. "You had golden hair back then." But her eyes were the same sky blue. She still had the small scatter of freckles across her nose. Elissa had grown to be a beautiful young woman, just as he dreamed. He caught himself before his thoughts began drifting in an inappropriate direction.

"I can't believe that you are Duncan's newest recruit for the Grey Wardens!" Alistair smiled down at Elissa.

"I can't believe that you became a Grey Warden." Elissa said honestly.

"Hard to imagine Teyrn Cousland allowing his baby girl to join." Alistair laughed.

The mention of her father's name sent a sharp pain through her and her demeanor immediately became somber. Alistair noticed right away. "Elissa? What's wrong? What happened?"

She shook her head. Now was not the time to cry like a little girl. As much as she wanted to unload her troubles upon her reacquainted friend, it was not the appropriate time. She took a deep breath and straightened herself. She smiled at Alistair. "Don't worry, we have more important things to be concerned about at the moment. Duncan needs you right away for my joining."

Alistair had the feeling that Elissa was keeping something back, the look in her eyes worried him. "What happened, Elissa?" He asked again.

Elissa nodded and grabbed hold of his hand like she had done when they were children. "Come, we have plenty of time to talk of old stories later. Let's hurry up and get this ritual over with."

Alistair decided it was best not to pursue the issue for now. He strode alongside her. "Yes, there are two other recruits other than yourself for the joining, one named Daveth and the other Jory…" He paused and glanced at Elissa.

She was looking straight ahead as she walked, her shoulder length chestnut hair swayed which each step she took. He couldn't warn her about the Grey Warden ritual, could he? All Grey Wardens were sworn to secrecy about the secret rite.

No, he thought firmly. Elissa would survive. He was sure of it. He just had to pray fervently to the Maker that she would be safe.

Elissa and Alistair both arrived at the center of the Grey Warden camp. Duncan was quietly observing the bonfire and looked up with surprise when he sensed them both approaching. The two other recruits were waiting alongside him, and also taken aback when they came up.

"Sorry I'm late, Duncan." Alistair apologized immediately as he and Elissa stepped up to the senior Grey Warden.

"Uh yes." Duncan cleared his throat and glanced at both Elissa and Alistair. "I take it that you both are…getting along well?"

Alistair and Elissa both blinked in confusion by Duncan's words and looked down at the same time. They were both still holding hands. Elissa immediately let go and Alistair took an awkward step away from her. Elissa glanced over at Alistair, whose ears were already turning into a slight shade of pink.

"Great…finally I meet a female recruit and she's already claimed for." Daveth muttered.


	10. A Small Comfort

**A Small Comfort**

Elissa was sitting on the ground with her hound. The giant mabari sat next to her, straight and attentive, as she leaned against him for support. They sat next to the bonfire as it illuminated the area around them. The night at Ostagar was so dark that Elissa could not even see the stars. It made her feel as if it were a bad omen.

Nothing Duncan could have said would have prepared her for what had happened. The mission to retrieve the darkspawn blood was unpleasant enough, but to find out it was so they had to drink it as part of their ritual…

She shuddered as she thought of Daveth and Jory. She saw many people die at Highever several nights ago, but she was still not accustomed to seeing it. She buried her face into the mabari's shaggy neck.

"Hey, you."

Elissa looked up to see Alistair standing in front of her. She gave him a small broken smile. As he sat heavily next to her, the mabari let out a low growl of warning. "Whoa…easy boy. Good boy. I'm not going to hurt her, see?" Alistair raised both his hands to show he was unarmed.

Elissa smiled at Alistair's nervousness. "Don't worry, he won't hurt you. He's just all bluster."

Alistair still kept his hands up as the hound continued to growl. "I can see that. What's his name anyway?"

"Dog."

"Dog? That's a bit obvious of a name, don't you think?" Alistair replied, eyeing the animal.

"I didn't have a name for him at first when he imprinted on me. After time went on, everyone kept referring to him as 'Dog', so it stuck." Elissa kissed her hound on the nose and he let out a soft whine. "I think it's a fine name."

Alistair laughed and shook his head. After several more seconds of quiet, he broke the silence. "I'm sorry…I couldn't warn you about all this." Alistair apologized.

Elissa shook her head and continued to hug her hound. "No, it's fine. I knew it was going to be bad since Duncan was being so secretive about it."

They both quietly watched the soldiers walking by the warden campsite in hurried paces. It seems the King wanted to start the battle as soon as he could. Elissa could already see a bit of panic in everyone's faces.

"How are you feeling?" Alistair asked, turning to her. "I remember I had awful nightmares when I first took part of the joining."

"To be honest, I don't remember anything since passing out. It just feels odd at the moment." Elissa rubbed at her forehead. "It's an odd sensation…like you feel like there's an extra set of eyes on you."

Alistair nodded in understanding. "Yes, that's a pretty good description. Don't worry. I'm sure you will get used to it soon."

Elissa nodded and continued to scratch her hound lightly behind the ears. Even though they sat in silence, she felt comfortable around Alistair. It was as if they were almost children again.

"Elissa…" Alistair murmured. "I heard what had happened to your home and your family. I'm so sorry."

She felt the tears rim in her eyes but refused to let them out. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's okay, Alistair. Bad things happen. It's a part of life."

Alistair gazed at her while she tried not to let her sadness show on her face. "You know, you've changed since then."

"What do you mean?" Elissa glanced at him.

"Back then, you were quite the troublesome child. So emotional over everything." Alistair laughed.

Elissa scoffed. "You've changed yourself. The Alistair I knew was always a mopey little child. I am not used to an Alistair that has a sense of humor."

He chuckled in response. "Well, that is what I promised to you."

"Promised to me?" Elissa lifted her head.

"You don't remember? You smacked me on the face and ordered me to be less broody. I recall it quite well, I had a red handprint on my face for days." He pointed to his left cheek.

Elissa couldn't help letting out a small laugh. "I can't believe you remember that. I'm quite touched."

Alistair leaned back on his hands like he used to when they were children. "Well, you are quite difficult to forget." He turned to look at her with a gentle expression. "Those days with you were some of the fondest times I can remember from my childhood. I can't thank you enough for it."

Elissa lowered her eyes and felt herself blush. "I'm happy that you remembered all that. I figured it didn't mean as much to you as it did me. I wrote several correspondences to Redcliffe but I never received a reply back."

"Yes, well…after the Couslands left Redcliffe, I was sent to the Chantry a month later." Alistair sighed.

Elissa nodded. It was what she had figured all along. "Duncan told me a bit about you. He said you were unhappy there."

"Ugh, unhappy is the nice word for it." Alistair groaned. "I was miserable there. Everyone was always telling me what to do and how to act. No one had any sense of humor. It was like living in a place with a bunch of Lady Isoldes…only they were mostly all men and well armed."

Elissa pictured what he had just said and laughed. "Well…I guess it's right to say that Duncan rescued you, correct?"

Alistair nodded and leaned forward. "I will be forever grateful towards Duncan for what he has done for me. These six months serving as a Grey Warden at his side have been the best in my life."

Elissa punched him lightly on the side. "Hey, I thought you said the days with me at Redcliffe were the best in your life!"

Alistair grinned. "Well, of course! It was quite fun back then, wasn't it? You were always depending on me for something!"

"What can I say? The Alistair back then was such a serious little boy back then. It was quite a challenge to break you out of your shell. I couldn't help to bask in your indulgence when I succeeded." Elissa grinned back.

Alistair pat his shoulder. "I'm still the same Alistair. Do you need someone to lean on? I am feeling a bit sorry for your hound to support your weight this whole time."

"Are you calling me heavy?" Elissa raised an eyebrow.

"Ah…er…no!" Alistair got flustered and waved his hands at her. "I…uh…blast it, you could tell I've been raised in a Chantry, I still can't speak to women to save my life."

Elissa laughed and nudged him. "I was teasing, Alistair." She smiled at his muddled behavior. "What you could have said was something clever like…'it's a bit chilly over here, want to lean on me and help me warm up?'"

"Ha…you're still instructing me on how I should act. Just like old times." Alistair quietly chuckled and patted his shoulder again. "Well then, Elissa? Would you like to help me warm up?"

Elissa scooted herself closer to Alistair and set her head on his shoulder. He remained still as she sighed pleasantly and closed her eyes. It was a good feeling to be able to lean on someone you cherished. She felt the bad emotions that had been bustling inside her mind slowly evaporate away.

Alistair hoped that Elissa couldn't hear his thumping heart through his armor. He couldn't help noticing her golden brown hair looked so soft illuminated by the light of the fire. Her lashes were dark and thick against her creamy complexion. As he raised his hand to stroke her face, his Chantry training kicked in and he awkwardly froze.

Elissa was no longer the childhood friend from his past…she was now his fellow Grey Warden. One of the few female Grey Wardens in Ferelden, he reminded himself. He would have to be a gentleman as he was trained to do as a templar.

In a few moments, Duncan will be calling them both to plan the strategy for the upcoming battle. He treasured the seconds he was experiencing with Elissa's comfortable weight on his side.

Yes…just like old times.

* * *

A group of exhausted soldiers entered the village pub. It was raining heavily outside and they tracked in puddles of muddy water from their armor. The barkeep nodded to them in acknowledgement as they all wearily sat down in their usual spots.

One soldier approached the bar to order something particularly heavy. He removed his helmet and strands of his long black hair fell over his face messily.

"Something stronger than the usual." He requested of the barkeep, who simply grunted and turned around to grab a bottle from the shelf.

"My, my…you're looking more haggard than usual." One of the serving girls came up, leaning against the counter. She was a young and pretty thing who enjoyed flirting with the soldiers that came and went. She had her eye on this individual for quite some time, but he had always waved away her advances with nothing more than a kind word…which made it even more of an enticing challenge for her.

"You have no idea, my dear." He replied in a tired voice. "Tramping around the swamps out here is not the best way to take in the scenery."

She giggled at his remark and reached into her apron pocket. She pulled out a water-stained letter. "This came in for you the other day. I was hoping you'd come back in here sooner or later so I could give it to you."

"Ah, that's rare. Thank y-" He reached over for the letter but she snapped the letter back.

She gave a provocative smile. "I specifically held this for you…and it looks quite important. But I made sure not to open it or let anyone else see it's contents. What is my reward, Ser Nathaniel?"

Nathaniel gave a chuckle and dug into his pocket. He held up a silver coin. "I appreciate your services, my dear. Would this do?"

The serving girl sighed and accepted his tip. Apparently Nathaniel Howe had the naivete of a Chantry alter boy. She handed the letter over to him. "Like I said, it only arrived a few days ago. The delivery boy was quite insistent that it came to your hands."

"Thank you." Nathaniel replied and turned the letter over in his hands. The parchment was sealed with a wax imprint of the Howe crest. The serving girl walked off as another customer called for her attention and the barkeep placed a glass of whiskey in front of Nathaniel and went off to fill the other orders.

Nathaniel sighed as he thumbed the seal on the letter. In the past couple years, the correspondences from his father have been few and far in between. And it was never a familial letter of the Arl checking on his oldest son. They were normally orders on what else he had to do in Free Marches.

He wished that his father would at least send an update on what was going on with the family. Delilah and Thomas must almost be full grown by now. Even an update on the Couslands would be nice. There wasn't a night that passed that Nathaniel wondered how Elissa was faring. He liked to think that she might be thinking of him as much as he did.

Nathaniel broke open the seal and unfolded the paper, expecting another short order from his father on what needed to be done. He picked up his whiskey to sip on as he read the contents. After a minute, his eyes widened and the glass slipped from his fingers and shattered onto the old wooden floor.

"Oy! Howe! What's wrong?!" One of the soldiers turned at the sound of the breaking glass. Nathaniel was pale and gripping the letter so hard that his knuckles were white. "Are you okay? You look as though you have just seen Andraste's ghost!"

"No…no…this can't be right." He muttered in disbelief, running his free hand through his long hair.

_To my dear brother Nathaniel,_

_I apologize that I have not written to you since you have been in Free Marches. And I am even more sorry that the news I am writing about will be my first letter to you. It is most likely that Father will not inform you of what has happened, but I feel you must be told. _

_Several nights ago, The Howe armies have attacked Highever. From the reports that I have heard, Teyrn and Teyrna Cousland are confirmed to be dead. Fergus and Elissa Cousland have not been found, so there are no confirmations whether or not they are alive._

_When I asked Father why he has attacked Highever, he simply says that the Couslands have done a great injustice to the King and Ferelden. He will not tell me what this injustice was. _

_Please do not drop everything and come back, Nathaniel. Please do not send father any letters questioning this act. I have submitted this letter without his knowledge, because it is for sure that he will be angry at me if he finds out. I will do my best to find out what has happened and let you know immediately once I learn everything._

_Please be safe, brother. I pray to the Maker every night hoping you are well and alive._

_Your sister,_

_Delilah_


	11. His Happiness

**His Happiness**

Elissa was slowly setting up her tent, feeling the fatigue in her body.

Her situation has gotten dire in the past couple days. The King was dead…Duncan was dead…the Grey Wardens were dead. Teyrn Mac Tir had betrayed his King and abandoned everyone on the battlefield, dooming them to a gruesome death.

She looked over at Alistair who was staring at the camp fire, mechanically dropping firewood into the blaze, one stick at a time. Her hound, as if he could sense Alistair's despair, sat quietly and obediently by his side.

Poor Alistair…she thought sadly. Duncan was literally the only father he had ever known. She understood the anguishing pang of loneliness better than anyone. Her father had also met with a horrible fate back in Highever just a few nights ago.

She glanced over at Morrigan who was setting up her own bedrolls far apart from Elissa and Alistair. Morrigan and her mother Flemeth had rescued them both from meeting an awful death like the others. Elissa was still having difficulty believing that they were rescued out of the goodness of the witch's heart. Morrigan was even ordered by her mother to accompany them to rally allies to fight the oncoming blight.

Although the apostate was extremely anti-social, Elissa had to appreciate Morrigan because she found her honesty refreshing. She would always find a trait like that honorable…unlike Arl Howe who had been concealing his true feelings behind a façade of friendliness for years.

Elissa took out her dagger to use the hilt to hammer down the tent post. When she finished, she paused before she re-sheathed it into her ankle strap. A feeling of nostalgia washed over her as she turned the dagger around in her hand. It was the present that Nathaniel Howe had given to her for her sixteenth birthday…right before he had declared his love and rode off to Free Marches.

She wondered again if Nathaniel knew what his father had done to her family. Was he even alive? She has heard no word from Nathaniel in the past three years he has been gone. Even his own father hasn't mentioned anything related to his oldest son ever since he left.

It was difficult to imagine Nathaniel dead…but then again, she didn't expect her family to die as well. She shook her head to rid her thoughts about Highever. She couldn't afford to be depressed right now. Her parents would not approve of her pining over sad thoughts when there were bigger matters to resolve.

She walked over to the campfire and her dog let out an a small bark of encouragement. She sat next to Alistair who did not look up or acknowledge her approach.

"How are you holding up, Alistair?" Elissa asked, wrapping her arms around her legs.

Alistair sighed and stopped feeding the fire. "To be honest, I'm still in shock. I keep half expecting Duncan to just come walking towards us and saying he's all right and alive."

Elissa nodded. "I understand."

"I know…I know that you would understand this feeling more than anyone." Alistair finally turned to her, his liquid amber eyes in pain. "Is this how you felt when…after Highever fell?"

Elissa placed her chin on her knees. "Yes. It's a terrible bundle of feelings. Losing everything, wishing you could have done more."

Alistair nodded in agreement. "I should have been there with Duncan. He could have escaped if I was there…if only…"

Elissa held up her hand to Alistair's face. "Hush. Stop that thinking at once. You of all people would know that Duncan would not wish your death. He would be upset to hear you say such things."

Alistair dropped his head and Elissa was reminded of the sad lonesome boy in Redcliffe once more. "What are we fighting for then? We've lost everything. We don't have homes to return to."

Elissa then scooted herself next to Alistair and wrapped her arm around his head. She leaned her head against his and gently ran her fingers through his hair. "We haven't lost everything. We have each other, don't we? As long as we're both Grey Wardens, we will always have something to fight for. Saving the world from the blight…that sort of thing."

Alistair finally let out a small laugh at her reply. He took hold of her hand and squeezed it. "Thank you, Elissa. Have I mentioned how grateful I am that you were the Grey Warden recruit Duncan had brought?"

"You haven't, but I'm glad you were the Warden that was part of my joining. I was terrified that I would have to do it alone." Elissa admitted.

"You know, while you were passed out, Duncan had finally gotten the chance to ask me how I knew you." Alistair smiled as he recalled the conversation from the other night.

"Oh? And what did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth. I said you were the Cousland child that had come to Redcliffe, disrupted my life, and after turning my world upside down, you left merrily as you pleased." He drawled.

Elissa reached down to pinch his ear and Alistair winced in pain. "Oh, so that is what you consider the truth do you?!"

They both shared a comfortable laugh and remained silent as they watched the campfire slowly burn down. Morrigan had already gone to sleep in her blankets and Dog was lying down in the dirt, his head upon his huge front paws, staring quietly at his master and her companion.

"I'm…really relieved that you are still alive. I don't think I'd be sane if I lost you again." Alistair said.

"Again?" Elissa asked, turning her head to face him.

He sighed as his brow furrowed. "When you left Redcliffe all those years ago, I came to realize how miserable my life was. When the Arl sent me to the Chantry, I was even more wretched because it meant I would most likely never see you again. You were constantly in my thoughts…was Elissa doing okay, has Elissa gotten herself into any more trouble…did Elissa forget about me."

Alistair paused and then lowered his head into the crook of her neck. "Maker only knows what I have done to deserve having you brought back into my life, but I would not be able to bear losing you and Duncan at the same time."

"You are all I have left in this world. And I am grateful…so grateful…that it is you." He murmured.

Elissa could not will herself to speak. Alistair still had his head on her neck, she felt his breath on her collar. How did she think her lonely boy from Redcliffe had changed? She nuzzled her face into his hair as she did on the day she had left him all those years ago.

_I want to be here for him. I don't ever want to leave him feeling abandoned. _She fervently thought as she pulled her arms up and embraced his head to her chest. _Please Maker, don't let him be alone anymore._

She embraced him close, silently praying to the Maker for the happiness of the man she held in her arms.

_

* * *

_

_To my dear brother Nathaniel,_

_I hope you are still okay in Free Marches. Father has told me that he had last corresponded with you last month, so I pray this letter finds you well._

_I haven't heard any reports on Fergus Cousland, but I have heard rumors that Elissa Cousland had survived the attack on Highever and has joined the ranks of the Grey Wardens. But I fear you must have already heard the news that the Grey Wardens of Ferelden have all been killed at the terrible battle against the darkspawn in Ostagar._

_I do not know if Elissa was amongst those who perished that day. I promise I will let you know immediately if I hear anything further._

_Maker watch over you,_

_Your sister,_

_Delilah_

Nathaniel crumpled the paper in his hand and grit his teeth in frustration.

He and the other soldiers were in the forests on the outskirts of the town they were supposedly protecting from an Orlesian attack. A runner from the village had come by and dropped off correspondences and supplies to their troop. Nathaniel had immediately ripped open the newest letter he had received and had slowly slumped to the ground as he read it's words.

Ever since he has gotten the first letter from Delilah several weeks ago, he had been in anguish. He pictured Elissa, his beautiful Elissa, dead in a pool of her own blood. As his sister predicted, his father has not sent him any news about the attack on Highever, but he heard the murmurs from some of the townsfolk about the demise of the Couslands at the hands of the Howes.

There had to have been a good reason why his father attacked Highever, Nathaniel reasoned with himself over and over. His father would not do such a terrible thing unless he felt it was absolutely necessary. For Andraste's sake, his father was one of the first people to congratulate the Teyrn and Teyrna when Elissa was born!

But if what Delilah was saying was true, then Elissa survived the attack on Highever. But only to become a Grey Warden?! A few nights ago, his troop has received the news about the horrible massacre in Ostagar. King Cailan has fallen and now Ferelden was in control by Queen Anora and her father Teyrn Loghain.

The reports say that all the Grey Wardens of Ferelden have all been killed in that battle…and Loghain has made claims that the Grey Wardens are responsible for the King's death.

Wouldn't it just be like Elissa, he thought painfully. To escape death from Highever, only to run headfirst into a bloody massacre at Ostagar.

He wanted to drop the pointless mission in Free Marches. He wanted to run back to Ferelden and confront his father, demanding to know the truth. He wanted to search for Elissa…she could not be dead. She was too stubborn to die!

"Are you all right, Howe?" A fellow soldier tapped him on the shoulder. "You look like you're in pain."

"You have no idea." Nathaniel replied, keeping his eyes on the crumpled up letter in his hands.


	12. Stress

**A/N: **I will be changing the rating to this story to "M" for the next chapter. As always, thanks so much for the kind feedback!

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**Stress**

Alistair fell to the ground and Elissa shoved her boot onto his chest plate to keep him down. The audience anxiously looked on, not wanting to turn her wrath onto themselves. Leliana timidly backed away with Wynne. Oghren scratched at his beard nervously and the dog let out a quiet whine. Even Sten's stoic demeanor cracked when his eyes widened in surprise. Everyone was taken aback by Elissa's sudden rage. All except Morrigan who looked as though she has been waiting for ages for the show to finally begin.

Elissa was already been in a foul mood for the past several weeks. Getting all the allies together to fight against the blight was not an easy task and Teyrn Mac Tir was making it difficult for everyone. Because Loghain had declared the Grey Wardens responsible for the death of the King, their party has encountered suspicion and shunning everywhere they went. Loghain has also gone one step further, offering substantial bounties on their heads, which made traveling all the more easier.

They were right about to enter Redcliffe to ask for Arl Eamon's aid and then Alistair decided it was a good time to tell Elissa something that finally pushed her temper over the edge.

Elisa ground her heel into his steel armor. "You…are…the…son…of…King…Maric?!" She hissed.

Alistair didn't attempt to get up from the ground. He held his hands up to Elissa. "This is part of the reason I didn't tell you!"

Elissa couldn't believe how clueless the man was. She pounded her foot down on his chest repeatedly, his armor rang like a dull bell with each thump. "You! The son of King Maric! You couldn't have at least mentioned it sooner?! Before we've gone through all this mess?! Do you realize your worth, you idiot?!"

"Worth?!" Alistair turned to the others to laugh but they all remained silent. He turned back to her. "What worth do I have?! I'm nothing more than a bastard!"

Elissa angrily reached down and grabbed the neck of his armor. She pulled his face to hers. "I can't believe you are such an idiot! This whole time we have been struggling to get our Grey Warden treaties, getting blocked at almost every turn because Loghain has basically claimed the throne through his daughter! And we find out that YOU are the rightful heir to the throne! We could have saved so much time and effort!"

"Well that sounds lovely, darling. I guess I will just saunter up to the palace in Denerim and say 'here I am, your long lost King!'" Alistair sarcastically replied.

Elissa narrowed her eyes at Alistair. "How did you find this out? When we were childen, you told me that your mother was nothing more than a scullery maid and your father was un-named."

"That's the truth." Alistair tried to get up but Elissa held him down. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Look, Arl Eamon told me that King Maric was my father right before he sent me off to the Chantry. My mother WAS a scullery maid…but apparently served the King…"

"Why didn't you tell me until now?!" Elissa demanded, her hand still gripped on the collar of his armor, shaking it angrily.

"It isn't something I can just bring up into a conversation! 'Hello, Elissa, fine morning isn't it? Oh, by the way, I'm King Maric's bastard son'. If you were going to take the news the same way you are now, I'm quite glad I kept it to myself." Alistair explained, hoping that Elissa would calm down.

Elissa sighed heavily and let him go. She took hold of his arm and helped Alistair back onto his feet. "Is Arl Eamon the only one who knows of this?"

"I am not sure. I believe so. I didn't really ask for many specifics at the time." Alistair admit.

"If I may offer an opinion." Wynne stepped forward, trying to soothe Elissa. "Even though Alistair is the son of King Maric, it is still a fact that he is still an un-claimed bastard. I don't believe Alistair coming out with this news earlier would have helped us much, child." She gently said.

Elissa glanced at everyone. They all were still in a bit of shock due to her sudden outburst…especially Alistair. She took a deep breath and nodded at Wynne. "I'm sorry, everyone…you're right, Wynne. I should have not taken that news as badly as I just did."

She turned to Alistair who straightened himself as if he were expecting a blow. "I'm sorry, Alistair. This isn't your fault." She then began walking up the path to Redcliffe. "Come on, everyone. Let's hurry up and speak with the Arl."

As Elissa walked off ahead of the group, Leliana cleared her throat and pushed Alistair forward. As he turned around to question her, Leliana nodded at Elissa's direction and mouthed, "Go talk to her!".

Alistair nervously swallowed and quickly ran up to Elissa. The rest of the group stayed respectfully behind earshot to give the two some privacy.

"Elissa…" He took hold of her elbow. "Are you really that angry with me for not telling you this?"

Elissa sighed and shook her head. "No…no, I'm not. I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated at the circumstances I suppose. I guess I'm a little upset that I didn't know this about you."

Alistair walked alongside her. "I'm sorry for not telling you. I've been accustomed to keeping it to myself. It's not really something I am particularly proud of. I didn't even tell Duncan up until a couple weeks ago."

"Why couldn't you tell me?" Elissa turned to him, feeling a bit hurt. "I thought you could trust me with everything!"

"I do! I trust you with my life! But like I said, it's not something I tell everyone…Oh, I don't know." Alistair mumbled. "I guess I was scared if I told you, you'd treat me differently."

"Differently? How?" Elissa asked.

"I didn't want you to avoid me or act oddly around me because of this. Even though I am a King's bastard son, I am still Alistair. I didn't want to be treated like some royal ninny."

Elissa recalled how she and Alistair had first met within the thorny hedges at Redcliffe castle. She remembered how she didn't want to tell her new found friend that she was the daughter of Teyrn Cousland, because she was scared he would treat her differently as others did when they found it out.

"I guess…I can understand that feeling…" Elissa murmured.

Alistair let out a relieved breath. "I'm happy that you realize that this does not change anything. I have absolutely no desire to take the throne."

"Why not?" Elissa asked, genuinely confused.

"'Why not?'" Alistair repeated, laughing. "Can you IMAGINE someone like me on the throne? I'd run Ferelden into ruins within a course of a few days!"

"To be fair, that is what Loghain is doing right now." Elissa replied flatly. "And he and his daughter aren't even of royal blood. Besides, _I _think you'd make a fine King. Maybe I should start calling you 'your Majesty'?"

Alistair groaned. "For the love of Andraste, please don't. When I was a child, Arl Eamon made sure that I understood that just because my father was the king did not mean I was a prince of any kind. I'd like to keep it that way. I think the Arl would make a much better king than I. Look at what Loghain and Queen Anora are doing! Do you really think it's better to replace a farmer for a stable boy?"

Elissa finally laughed and pushed at Alistair's arm. "Okay, fine. You win for now. I'm sorry for knocking you to the ground back there."

"I should hope so." Alistair looked down at his armor and pointed to his chest plate. "Look at this, you've made a DENT in it, you crazy woman."

"Next time, don't make me so angry or else you'll receive a dent someplace worse than on your armor." Elissa joked back.

"Right. No more unveiling of parentages. I will warn the others." Alistair kidded and they both shared a laugh.

From behind, the group let out a collective sigh of relief. It looked like Alistair had patched things up with Elissa as they watched them smile and jab at each other.

"They're quite cute together, don't you think?" Leliana whispered to Wynne.

Wynne smiled back sadly. "Yes, they are. I hope they understand the seriousness of the situation if their relationship becomes more involved than the usual camaraderie."

"How troublesome." Morrigan gave her usual sarcastic sigh. "'Tis plainly obvious to everyone but our female Warden that the idiot is in love with her. For such an impressive leader, her common sense is quite lacking."

"Let's just watch and see what happens, shall we?" Leliana smiled softly, wishing the best for their two Grey Wardens. They will need all well wishes they can get…considering one was just as awkward as the other was oblivious.


	13. Moonlight

**A/N**: Please be warned this fiction is now "M" because of the little romance that has begun in this chapter. I know I've been neglecting Nathaniel, but no worries, he'll have a comeback. =)

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**Moonlight**

Elissa had wandered away to bathe in a lake a little ways up from the campsite. She was grateful that the water was clear and it was hidden away in the trees. As much as she has come to love her motley crew, privacy was hard to come by, especially when she wanted to take care of herself.

They would be arriving in Denerim tomorrow for the Landsmeet. She couldn't help feeling anxious about it. Loghain has attempted to kill Arl Eamon by poison and even sent an assassin after her to keep Elissa from curing him. Thankfully the assassin they had sent had little loyalty to his contractor and was easily swayed by the offers of the small treasures that Elissa had come to collect from all their traveling. Although Alistair grumbled about allowing Zevran to join the group, he abided to her decision as did everyone else.

She took off her leather armor and laid it neatly to the side with her sleeping chemise. She grabbed her soap and stepped into the water, letting herself get used to the cold and then immersed herself in it. As Elissa swam further in, she looked up into the sky and saw the moon was full and pure white. The light from the moon reflected onto the surface of the lake, lapping gently in small waves.

The view made her think of Nathaniel and the night he had confessed to her. She found herself getting agitated by that memory. _Stupid Nathaniel forcing his stupid kisses upon me. _She thought bitterly. His whole gentleman attitude was obviously an act to cover up the lecher that he really was.

_But_…she conceded to herself. _He was enough of a gentleman to accept my answer…or lack thereof._

She shook her head from such fancy thoughts and scrubbed at her hair. _Nathaniel's father has killed everyone I love at Highever. Arl Howe destroyed my home and my family._ She paused as another sad thought came over her. Is it possible that Nathaniel knew what his father had been planning…and played her like a fool?

From what she had heard from Arl Eamon, Rendon Howe was just as responsible for all the catastrophic events as Loghain was. It made her harden her resolve to save Ferelden from their tyranny.

She sighed and dunked her head under the water. Whatever Nathaniel's involvement was with his father's plot, one fact remained certain. She would be confronting Howe when they arrive at Denerim for the Landsmeet. Elissa emerged from the water and flung her wet hair back, rubbing her hands on her face.

"Um…Elissa? Are you there?!"

Elissa turned her head towards the voice that called her name. She squinted into the darkness and saw a figure off to the side of the lake.

"Alistair? Is that you?" She began swimming towards the shore.

"Yes! It's me! Don't worry, I'm not looking! I swear it!" When she got closer she saw that he had his back turned to her and his right hand was clapped over his eyes. "Are you done with your…um…bath? I have to speak to you about something."

His attempt to be respectful was so endearing she had to bite down on her lip to keep herself from laughing. Elissa got to the shore and started to step out of the lake. "Yes, I'm done. Give me a moment to get something on…" She turned to him and teased. "Unless you'd like to speak to me while I'm naked?"

She saw Alistair give a nervous jump of panic at her suggestion. "Maker! Don't make cruel jokes like that!"

Elissa laughed and quickly went to her pile of clothes. She wrung out her hair before she slipped into her chemise. "Okay, okay. I'm decent now. You may turn around."

Alistair turned around but kept his eyes shielded. "Are you sure? You're not still…naked?"

"Yes, yes. Your eyes will not be burned with the sight of my nakedness. I swear it." Elissa sighed.

Alistair slowly took his hand off his eyes and opened one eye at a time just to be sure. He let out a breath of relief when he saw Elissa was somewhat decent…even though her thin chemise didn't leave much to his imagination. She put her hands on her hips. "Should I be glad that you find the thought of me without clothing appalling?"

He blushed and shook his head furiously. "No, no! It's not…I mean…I'm sorry about that. It's the templar training again. When I had first arrived at the Chantry, I accidentally walked into the women's quarters on the first day…much screaming and slapping was involved by the Chantry sisters. Old lessons are hard to unlearn."

"Well now, Ser Templar…" Elissa teasingly lowered her chemise to expose her shoulder and lowered her voice. "I must say if you ever caught me naked, I would not fight you…unless you wanted me to."

Even in the darkness, she could see Alistair's face turn deep red. "Will you stop that? A man can only take so much!"

Elissa rewarded his blushing with another laugh and sat down on the grass. She tossed her wet hair off her face and patted the spot next to her. "Sit down then, what did you need to talk to me about?"

He let out a nervous breath and sat himself next to her by the banks of the lake. He had been rehearsing the scenario in his head for hours and he wanted to make sure he would get everything right. "Elissa…I, um…have something for you."

"Oh? What is it?"

He reached behind him and handed her a single red rose. She looked down in surprise. "A rose?"

"Do you not like flowers?" Alistair asked.

She shook her head and smiled. "No, I like flowers. I'm just surprised you were able to find a rose out here." She held it up to admire it in the moonlight.

"Actually I picked it back at Lothering."

Elissa blinked. "Back there? Have you been carrying this around since then?"

Alistair nodded. "Yes. Had it with me this whole time. It hasn't even wilted yet."

"It's quite beautiful, Alistair." Elissa smiled. She had never gotten flowers as a gift before. It made her feel…feminine. "Thank you, but why give it to me?"

Alistair looked at her with confusion. "You forgot?"

"Forgot what?"

He laughed at her baffled expression. "Isn't today your birthday, Elissa?"

Elissa counted back the days in her head. Ever since they have been traveling around Ferelden, she had lost track of time. It was easy to do when all your days blended with each other. "I…I don't know." She admit, feeling bewildered. "I guess it is?"

"Maker help us…" Alistair rolled his eyes. "If I can remember such an important event and you cannot."

"Wait." Elissa raised an eyebrow at him. "How do YOU know what my birthday is?"

Alistair gave a self-satisfied grin. "I found out from Arl Eamon before we left Redcliffe. He keeps a ledger with important dates to send correspondences to…you know holidays, celebrations, and birthdays of important noble folk like yourself. I flipped through it while we were there…I was looking for any useful information on Loghain actually. Couldn't find any information on our enemy, but I was able to come across the date of your twentieth year of birth. So how could I resist?"

Elissa laughed. "Well, I'm glad one of us remembered how old I am getting in years."

"Apparently you are getting forgetful in your elderly age, Lady Cousland." Alistair teased and scratched at his head. "I'm sorry I couldn't get you a gift that was more befitting for you. You deserve something much more grand. But…when I saw this, I couldn't help thinking of how it reminded me of you."

"Oh…?" Elissa held the rose to her cheek. "Are you calling me thorny?"

"Well you are that too." Alistair chuckled and then gazed at her seriously. "I saw it blooming in Lothering…amongst the dirt and brambles. The fact that something so beautiful came out from someplace with so much despair…just like you."

Elissa was speechless. Over the days, she had been getting used to Alistair's joking and friendly banter. But for him to say something so poetic…it took her by surprise. She cleared her throat. "Thank you, Alistair. It's very lovely."

Alistair smiled and turned his gaze towards the water. "You're very welcome."

She leaned her head against his shoulder once again. Alistair's presence always helped her calm herself and collect her thoughts. And as always, They remained quiet as they watched the scenery around them. The waves of the lake lapped slowly against the shore and small wisps of clouds passed slowly over the full moon.

Alistair broke the silence. "You know…I've been thinking, Elissa."

"You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" She couldn't help teasing.

He responded with a small grin. "Actually, there's been something bothering me for a long time. I was hoping to talk to you about it."

"What about?" Elissa thumbed at the petals of the rose in her hand.

"Elissa…I…" Alistair turned to her, trying to will himself not to stutter. "I know our time together has been incredibly short but…I…"

Elissa's tilted her head. "Yes?"

He closed his eyes and took a breath to assemble the words. "Elissa, I want you to know…you are incredibly dear to me. Not only as a fellow Grey Warden…but as…you, Elissa Cousland."

Elissa felt her face heat up and her pulse quicken. Alistair's nervousness was getting contagious. He took another deep breath and looked her in the eyes. "Am I foolish…for thinking that there could be more between us than just…us being Wardens?"

The first thought that crossed her mind was Nathaniel's confession. He had been bold, confident, and a bit smug when he had declared his love several years ago. She looked into Alistair's amber colored eyes and felt herself soften. She couldn't help asking a burning question. "Do you care for me…as more than a friend, Alistair?"

"Y-Yes…" Alistair stuttered and then furiously ran his hands through his hair. "For Andraste's sake, I'm so sorry. I'm a wreck. The stupid Chantry raising me like this…I told you I don't know how to speak to women…I should be trying to woo you with sweet nothings or serenading you with love song or…" He continued to speak quickly and incoherently.

Elissa couldn't help smiling. Alistair was far from being suave and debonair as Nathaniel had been, but he did not need to be those things to win her over. The endearing awkwardness as he handed her a delicate rose for her birthday and had anxiously confessed his feelings for her under the moonlight.

Her first love from all those years ago had quite literally become her knight in shining armor yet again. How could she not fall in love with him? She let out a small laugh as he kept jabbering away in embarrassment.

"Alistair?" She called his name quietly.

He stopped rambling and turned towards her. "Yes, Elissa?"

She smiled and brought her face closer to his. "I have missed you so…have you missed me?" She whispered the same words from that day so many years ago on the docks of Redcliffe. Elissa slowly closed her eyes.

A flood of memories came back with those words…and he felt just as nervous as he had been when he was a child. _But we are no longer children_, he reminded himself. Alistair slowly lowered his head and pressed his lips onto hers. His hand traced slowly behind her neck and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, keeping him close.

They both opened their eyes when they broke apart from their embrace. "Well now." Alistair managed to hoarsely whisper, his lips still moving against hers. "Am I to guess that you have fallen victim to my many charms?"

"You can say that." She replied with a smile. She laid back onto the grass and slowly pulled him down upon her. She still held the rose in between her fingers and twirled it before her lips. "Now that I have been seduced by your captivating words, what are you to do?"

He chuckled softly and touched his forehead to hers. "You do realize I was raised in a Chantry. So I'm not…experienced in this."

"Neither am I." Elissa answered huskily and placed the rose to the side. She reached up to gently hold his face between her hands. "But didn't you say you wanted to give me something more grand for my birthday?"

The nervousness had disappeared with Elissa's soft spoken request. Alistair could no longer hold himself back and he brought his lips back down to hers. Elissa returned his fervor with small whimpers that drove him into further passion. She roughly grasped at his clothing to remove them. She ran her hands all over his broad chest and his back, his skin feeling hot to her touch. He had already removed her thin chemise and was caressing her so intimately she went delirious in desire. The grass was soft against her back and the moonlight was illuminating their bodies in a soft glow.

Alistair reached for her hands and linked his fingers through hers. "Elissa…I love you…" He whispered into her ear.

"I love you too." She whispered back and let out a quiet cry as she gave him everything she had not lost that last night in Highever…her body, her soul, and her heart.


	14. Revelations

**Revelations**

Thankfully, the rest of their companions have not come out of the campsite to search for the two Wardens who have been gone for most of the night.

Elissa was still on top of Alistair, her limbs draped over his, her head tucked away under his chin. Both didn't seem to mind that all their articles of clothing were thrown about on the grass around them. She let out a content sigh as he ran his hands up and down her back.

"Aren't you cold, Elissa?" He asked softly, half-asleep.

She nuzzled her face into his chest. "No, I'm quite warm and cozy where I am at the moment."

Alistair chuckled. "We have to get up sooner or later. The others will search for us. If they find us like this, we'll be subject to their awkward stares for days."

"Let them think what they want to think." Elissa placed kisses on his collarbone.

"You're not scared of the scandal?" He teased.

Elissa lifted her head up to give him a grin. "The only real scandal here is how you were able to do what you did when you supposedly claim to be 'inexperienced'."

"I take it you liked it then?" Alistair gave her a pinch on her bottom.

Elissa responded by giving him a light smack on his arm. "I have my eye on you, Alistair. You are not the innocent and chaste templar you made yourself out to be."

"Well…not anymore." He smiled and returned his gaze back to the sky. The moon was still white and bright as it slowly inched across the sky. The stars were scattered everywhere, illuminating the black sky into a soft dark blue. As he held the beautiful woman he loved in his arms, he felt not even the archdemon himself could destroy such a wonderful night.

"Alistair…" Elissa murmured. "I am going to make you King."

"What was that, love?" He asked sleepily. "I thought you just said you are going to make me King?"

Elissa braced her elbows down on the grass and lifted herself to look at him eye to eye. She slowly stroked the side of his face with her hand. "You heard me correctly. I want to make you King."

Alistair's eyes snapped open and he stared at Elissa with a ludicrous expression. "What are you talking about? I thought we clarified all this back in Redcliffe. I'm not suited to be King!"

Elissa felt his body tense under hers. She slowly ran her fingers through his hair to calm him down. "Alistair, the more I think about it, the more I believe making you King is the right thing to do."

"Right by who?!" Alistair demanded. "Arl Eamon?"

"Right by Ferelden." Elissa answered softly. "You've seen the same as I have, Alistair. You would know what would be the just thing to do. I have faith that if you become King, you would unite this country to defeat the blight."

Alistair took hold of her hand and looked up at her with a somber gaze. "Elissa. If I become King…what would become of the Grey Wardens?"

"I am still a Grey Warden." She replied. "And even if you are King, you will always continue to be one as well."

"And what about us?" He asked quietly.

Elissa was not a fool. She was the daughter of Teyrn Cousland and was very well aware of the way of the royals and the noble families that serve them. A monarch's bloodline must always be revered and passed on, no matter how it is done. Progeny are an important necessity for a royal family. Alistair would be no exception.

"_Lady Elissa," Arl Eamon smiled at her with gratitude. "I must thank you again for your help."_

"_You are welcome, Arl Eamon. I am glad that we were able to save you and you have recovered." Elissa inclined her head. "But you do not have to refer me as 'Lady'. The Couslands are no longer and I am now a Grey Warden."_

_They were both alone in the Arl's study. He had summoned Elissa to speak to her in private about important matters, most likely regarding the Landsmeet. The others were all in the dining hall, eating and drinking merrily in celebration of the Eamon's recovery._

"_I will refer to you as Lady Elissa Cousland as much as I wish." Eamon insisted stubbornly. "You may be a Grey Warden, but your father's legacy lives with you."_

_Elissa felt herself choke up with emotion. "Th…Thank you, Arl Eamon."_

_Arl Eamon nodded and started to pace back and forth with his hands behind his back. "Now, my dear. I believe you most likely know why I have summoned you to my study alone."_

"_Is this concerning pushing Alistair towards becoming King?" Elissa asked, watching the Arl pace slowly before her._

"_Yes." Eamon sighed and faced her. His eyes were sharp. "We must make Alistair King…he is of Maric's blood and is entitled to the throne. Loghain is not the honorable man as he once was. We must push for Alistair to become King when we call the Landsmeet."_

_Elissa frowned. "Alistair has no desire of becoming King."_

"_Even Alistair realizes the seriousness of Ferelden's situation. If Loghain's rule remained unchallenged, the kingdoms will never unite in order to defeat the blight." Eamon explained. "You come from the most noble house of Cousland, Lady Elissa. You are also a Grey Warden. You of all people understand that this civil war must end in order for the true enemy to be defeated. You must convince Alistair to take the throne."_

_Elissa understood perfectly. As much as she despised politics, it was an important matter that needed to become resolved in order for people to gather against their enemy. She met Eamon's hard stare. "I will do my best speak with him…but in the end, it is Alistair's decision. Not mine."_

"_Thank you, that is all that I can ask." Arl Eamon smiled kindly and laid a hand on Elissa's shoulder. "You have grown so much since I last saw you all those years ago. Your parents would be quite proud of you."_

_Elissa smiled sadly in response. "I hope so. I hope that they are proud of me, no matter what I do."_

_Arl Eamon walked back to his desk and sat heavily in his chair. "Lady Elissa, I know this is a very sudden question, but if I may be so bold to ask…what is your relationship with Alistair?"_

"_Alistair?" Elissa blinked at the change of topic. "He is my precious friend…and my fellow Grey Warden."_

_Eamon learned forward on his desk and placed his chin on his entwined fingers. "Just a friend, Elissa? Nothing more?"_

_Elissa found herself squirming in embarrassment. The Arl made her feel like she was a child again. "No…at least for now…n-no."_

_Eamon gave her a small smile. "I've raised the lad for years. He is not very good at hiding his feelings. He has real affection for you, Lady Elissa."_

_She didn't respond. She felt her cheeks flush with heat. _

_Arl Eamon's face suddenly became very grave. "That is why I must tell you something. I do not think that the Grey Wardens have informed neither you nor Alistair before Ostagar. I am only privy to this knowledge because it relates to a situation we had many years ago."_

_Elissa looked confused as Eamon pursed his lips to a hard line. "What is it, Arl Eamon?"_

_Eamon furrowed his brow. Maker forgive him for being the one to break the awful truth to this girl. Eamon took a deep breath and steadily met Elissa's gaze. "Lady Elissa…if there were other circumstances, you would not only be the most appropriate person to become Alistair's bride, but the best choice to become queen if he is crowned. However, there is something you must be made aware of…"_

Elissa stared down at Alistair and gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. Her throat tightened as she recalled what the Arl had explained to her that night at Redcliffe. If Alistair was to become King, Elissa would not be able to be at his side. No matter how noble her family, no matter how much she loved him, as a Grey Warden, she would never be allowed to marry him.

With no answer, she lowered her head and kissed him tenderly on his lips. As she gently caressed him to arouse him once more, Alistair let out a small laugh. "Don't think you can distract me to escape my question, you tease. What will happen to us once I become King?"

Elissa bent down to nibble on his ear. "We will have to think about such details once it happens, don't you think?"

As she lowered herself onto him, he lost his train of thought and had let the question go.

Twisting at her heart, The warning that Arl Eamon had given her echoed persistently in the depths of her mind.

"_Lady Elissa…A Grey Warden being able to conceive a child...is very rare. With both you and Alistair as Wardens, I'm afraid the possibility of you having Alistair's child…will never happen."_


	15. Always a Catch

**A/N:** Sorry for my recent lack in updates, I promise I will do my best to update as much as I can! Thanks so much for the sweet comments, I appreciate it! (Also, I've been fixing up my typos bit by bit. I've been trying to churn this out as quick as possible and I tend to make mistakes when I type too fast XD Sorry in advance~)

EXTRA NOTE: Gack! Sorry! Document viewer went wonky and a bunch of chapters got mixed up! Forgive me everyone!

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**Always a Catch**

Nathaniel and his fellow soldiers finally arrived back at the village. They had been out scouting the wooded areas for a while and they were in dire need of rest and a good drink.

For the past several weeks, all Nathaniel could think about was Elissa. The last letter he received from his sister was when she told him about the rumors of Elissa becoming a Grey Warden. Ever since he received that piece of news, he had been plagued with nightmares every night. They were dreams of Elissa getting overwhelmed by the darkspawn, dying with the rest of the Ferelden Grey Wardens at Ostagar. And every time he woke from his miserable sleep in a cold sweat, he would spend hours convincing himself that she was still alive.

As the soldiers arrived at the pub, Nathaniel immediately sought out the serving girl and quickly stomped up to her. She turned around with a look of pleasant surprise on her face. "Why, Nathaniel! I'm assuming you couldn't wait to see me?"

"Did you receive any letters for me?" Nathaniel demanded, not bothering with the usual banter.

The serving girl looked confused. "A letter? No, I'm afraid I haven't gotten anything. Were you expecting something?"

Nathaniel replied with an exhausted grunt and slowly sat on one of the stools at the counter. "I was hoping for something, yes. Sorry. Thank you."

The girl pouted as Nathaniel turned his attention at the barkeep and ordered a drink. Ever since she handed him that letter a while back ago, her favorite customer has been quite gloomy. He refused to tell anyone what was written in it. She wished she took a peek at it before she gave it to him.

As she sauntered off to one of the other soldiers, Nathaniel kept his eyes on the drink in front of him. He wondered if he should write a letter to Delilah or Thomas to ask them for an update. Delilah had asked him not to send any correspondences in fear of their father intercepting the messages. But he couldn't just sit around and wait for her to give him an update, could he?!

The pub door swung open and a grizzled looking traveler walked in, looking just as dirty and worn as the soldiers. "Oy! Barkeep! Give me the usual, eh?"

The stoic bartender gave a rare grin as he greeted the customer. "Johnny, you old toad! Back from your trip from Orzammar already?!"

"Yeah, what a crazy trip." Johnny pulled up a stool next to Nathaniel's. "When I got there, they weren't allowing anyone in for trade because the Dwarven King had died. Just when I was about to give up and come back home, they re-opened their gates to announce the crowning of their new King. Seems like some Grey Wardens helped the dwarves out with their political fiasco."

Nathaniel's ears perked up at the mention of the Grey Wardens. He kept his eyes on his drink, gripping the glass between his fingers.

"Well, isn't that something." The bartender placed a mug of cheap ale in front of Johnny. "I heard about the Dwarven king passing on not just a couple days ago, but it's news to me to hear about them selecting a new one already."

Johnny took a long swig from his mug. "Well, news tends to get here kind of slow. Have you heard about what's been happening in Denerim?"

"Oh? What's been going on now?"

"I was passing by the city just when it happened. It's crazy, I tell you!" Johnny wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "You've heard of King Cailan's passing, right?"

The bartender nodded, eager for new gossip. "Of course, we just heard not too long ago. Seems like Anora and her father, the Teyrn, have assumed the throne?"

Nathaniel kept eavesdropping as Johnny leaned forward in his stool. "Well, you are not going to believe this then. Apparently King Maric had another son…a bastard son!"

"What? Are you daft?"

"Maker strike me down if I'm lying." Johnny crossed his chest animatedly. "Apparently a landsmeet was called, concerning the bastard's claim to the throne. A pair of Grey Wardens and a bunch of their lot were present at the palace. They accused Loghain of murdering King Cailan and of other misdeeds. Apparently Loghain and that Arl he favors so much had been quite the unsavory pair. There was evidence of torture and kidnapping that clearly places them as the evildoers! Loghain apparently requested a duel to the death from the bastard prince."

Nathaniel felt his blood run cold. An Arl that Loghain favors? Evidence of torture and kidnapping? It couldn't be his father, could it? He and Loghain were close, yes…but the Teyrn was close to many other Arls as well.

The bartender didn't notice Nathaniel's grimace and was still enraptured in Johnny's story. "Get out of here…what happened? Loghain lop his head off?"

"On the contrary! The bastard prince lopped _his _head off!" Johnny's eyes widened. "I should stop calling him 'the bastard prince' because he is now technically our crown prince until he goes through his coronation as King. Alistair was his name…apparently he's only one of the two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden, believe it or not. Apparently everyone is now in a mad rush to assist the Grey Wardens with the fight against the darkspawn."

The bartender's mouth dropped open at the news. "That is a crazy story, mate. I'm not sure if I could believe it to be true! Teyrn Loghain is dead? What a shame…"

"Believe it, my friend." Johnny lifted up his mug to take another sip. "But after the evidence of all the treacherous things that had been done…I can't feel sorry for him at all. Him and that Arl Howe…they got what was coming to them, trying to usurp the crown like that!"

Nathaniel jumped from his seat and grabbed Johnny by the collar of his shirt. The pub suddenly went silent as the stool clattered loudly as it fell to the floor. Nathaniel put his face close to Johnny's and gave him a menacing glare. "What you said about Arl Howe…what has happened?!"

Johnny lifted his hands up in surrender. "Th-The Arl? Arl Howe was involved with many of Loghain's crimes…"

Nathaniel roughly shook at Johnny. "What has happened to Arl Howe?!"

Johnny's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed nervously. "Arl Howe….He's d-dead. The Grey Wardens killed him in his castle in Denerim right before the landsmeet!"

The cold chill ran down Nathaniel's back once more. Arl Howe…his father…was dead?! How could his father die?! Rendon Howe always seemed invincible to Nathaniel's eyes. But killed at the hands of the Grey Wardens?

The entire pub was still, no one was even letting out a breath in fear of incurring Nathaniel's wrath. Nathaniel broke from his thoughts and turned his attention back to Johnny. "Tell me, who were the Grey Wardens who killed Arl Howe?"

Johnny felt the sweat drip down from his brow. "One of them is our future King…Prince Alistair. The other is a female Grey Warden…she is famous because she is the only daughter of Teyrn Cousland…Warden Elissa Cousland!"

Nathaniel released his grip on Johnny's shirt and the traveler fell to the floor with a loud thump. Everyone remained quiet as Nathaniel stood perfectly still, staring out into space.

_Elissa…my Elissa…killed my father?! _Nathaniel couldn't wrap his mind around the scenario._ Elissa wouldn't do something like that, could she?_

He had to find out. Immediately. He will have to head to Amaranthine or Denerim to see for himself. Nathaniel strode over to the door and threw on his black cloak.

"Howe!" One of the soldiers finally spoke up, nervousness still in his voice. "Where do you think you're going?!"

Nathaniel didn't even turn his head to respond. "I'm going home." He replied and strode out the door.

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Elissa had just finished speaking with Riordan and Alistair about how to take down the archdemon. She was outside her bedroom, bracing her hand against the heavy wooden door to keep herself from screaming in frustration. Just when she thought that everything was falling into place, Riordan had given them the unsavory news that had literally made her sick to her stomach.

Only a Grey Warden would be able to kill the archdemon. The taint in their blood would attract the soul of the slain dragon, attaching itself to the Warden that gives the finishing blow. And in turn it will kill them both.

She wouldn't feel so miserable if it wasn't for the fact that only Riordan, Alistair, and Elissa were the only Grey Wardens in left in Ferelden. Riordan had told them that it would be customary for himself to take the blow, seeing that he was the most senior one present. But he had also warned them, in the chance that he is killed before they meet the archdemon, it would be up to one of them to finish the deed.

Elissa had immediately volunteered for it as soon as Riordan mentioned it. It was the most logical choice. Alistair will be King of Ferelden. He was not an option.

But Alistair had surprised her yet again. He had grabbed her arm and refused to let her take that sacrifice. He passionately claimed he could not live without the woman he loved. When she tried to argue, he said that the best thing he can do as the King of Ferelden was to save it from the blight. What was worse, he had that stubborn set to his jaw, which meant that there would be no way of talking him out of his decision if the event occurs.

She couldn't bear to see Alistair die. She refused to see him die. It was the same to her…how would she be able to live without him?!

She choked back a sob and opened the door to her room. She would have to get what little sleep she can and think about it the next morning. She would have to think of a plan to keep Alistair behind…somehow.

A sultry voice greeted her as she entered her room. "Good evening, Elissa."

Elissa looked up and saw Morrigan gazing at the fireplace. "Morrigan? What are you doing here?"

Morrigan gave a small smile. "I assume that you have just finished up your talk with Riordan and Alistair? I know what you are worried about and I have come to tell you there is an answer to your...dilemma."

Elissa gave Morrigan a questioning look. "Are you talking about the Grey Warden's sacrifice?"

Morrigan nodded and hesitated before she took Elissa's hand. It caught her off guard, since Morrigan had told her how much she despised gestures of human contact. Morrigan stared straight into Elissa's blue eyes and told her firmly, "I am about to tell you a way that a Grey Warden will not have to be sacrificed. Before you stubbornly blow off my idea…I must let you know. You are my…friend. You are dear to me. I want you to know that I am not doing this out of spite, but because I want you to live."

Elissa nervously furrowed her brow. "A way to keep a Grey Warden from being sacrificed…how-?"

Morrigan raised her hand to hush her. "I will explain everything. I also want you to know that if I could, I would much rather do this with you than with that idiot Alistair…" She sighed. "…But unfortunately you do not have the appropriate...items necessary for it."

"Appropriate items? Alistair? Wait…what do you need us to do?" Elissa asked, feeling more and more uneasy with this offer Morrigan had for her.

Morrigan slowly sat down before her and crossed her legs. "Well then, allow me to explain to you what must be done…The loop in your hole, if you will."


	16. The Awful Truth

**A/N: **Again I apologize for the chapter mix up from the last update! _ Thanks so much to you guys for letting me know!

Yes, I promise Nathaniel's coming back. =D

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**The Awful Truth**

Elissa sprinted towards the man and threw her arms around him. As she hugged him close, she had to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming. He wasn't a fade spirit nor was he a figment of her imagination. He was real…and alive! Since the demise of her parents, she had sworn to herself that she would never shed any more tears, but it was all forgotten as she began to weep as she buried her face into the chest of the one she thought would never see again.

"Fergus!" She sobbed, her arms locked tight around his neck. "I thought you were dead!"

As Elissa continued to cry, her older brother's arms shook as he hugged her back. "I thought the same. I'm so happy you are well!"

Oblivious to the spectators around them, Fergus and Elissa were locked in each other's arms and bawling tears of joy. The Cousland siblings were finally reunited. It was quite a glorious day. Not only was the kingdom celebrating the demise of the archdemon, Ferelden has also crowned their new King. The palace hall only had several nobles from the bann celebrating amongst Elissa's comrades. Outside they could hear the festivities amongst the citizens of Denerim.

Fergus stepped back and held his sister at arm's length. "I can't believe my little sister has become a Grey Warden…and saving Ferelden to boot!" He looked her over and smiled.

Elissa laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I can't believe you're here! It doesn't seem real to me…it's like I'm dreaming."

But it wasn't a dream. Fergus, her brother, was alive and standing before her. Even though his cheeks looked a bit gaunt, his green eyes were radiant with relief. His hair, the same color of chestnuts like her own, has grown out as well.

Alistair slowly stepped up towards them, not wanting to intrude on their happy reunion. Surprisingly, he looked very regal in his royal armor. Fergus grinned and bowed deep to his new King. "I thank you, Your Majesty. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been able to find my sister."

Elissa turned to look at Alistair who was looking a bit awkward after receiving Fergus's formalities. "Alistair? You found Fergus? How?"

"It wasn't difficult." Alistair said modestly. "A while ago, I asked Chancellor Eamon to look into any survivors from Highever…I remember you telling me that wish while we were traveling." Alistair softly explained. "Nobody was more surprised than I was when we received word that Fergus Cousland was found recovering from battle wounds in some chasind hut. We immediately sent escorts to bring him to Denerim…I wanted it to be a surprise."

"And here I am." Fergus finished off, turning back to Elissa. "My troops and I were caught in an awful fight back at Ostagar. I found myself in the hut of a chasind healer. I was apparently out for several weeks…I could barely speak or walk at the time when I awoke. But somehow, the royal guard had found me, informed me of what happened and brought me back here."

Elissa sniffed and fought the urge to jump into Alistair's arms as well. He was King, after all. She instead flashed him a brilliant smile. "Thank you, Alistair. It was a wonderful surprise."

Alistair smiled gently in response and took hold of her hand. "I am glad that this has pleased you. It was the very least I could do."

Elissa, still speechless with joy, could do nothing more than nod back.

"Now then." Alistair straightened his shoulders and turned around. Eamon was standing off to the side and Alistair waved him over. He kept hold of Elissa's hand, squeezing it lightly as Eamon approached them.

"Good to see you alive and well, Fergus Cousland." Eamon shook Fergus's hand heartily. "I was ecstatic to hear that you have survived."

"Thank you, Arl Eamon…or should I say…Chancellor Eamon?"

Eamon chuckled. "I am no longer the Arl of Redcliffe…your friend and my younger brother Teagan has taken up where I left off."

"Eamon." Alistair turned to his new Chancellor. "Do you remember what we've discussed the night before?"

"Oh yes." Eamon smiled and gazed at the Cousland siblings. "I know this is quite soon, but Allistair wanted a couple things done as soon as he became King. First…" Eamon placed a hand of Fergus's shoulder. "He wants to appoint you as the new Teyrn of Highever."

"Me?" Fergus was shocked. "But I thought Howe had taken the title for himself."

"Howe was never the Teyrn of Highever." Alistair said bitterly. It still angered him, thinking of the man who had inflicted so much pain to the woman he loved. "You are the rightful owner of that title. I can think of no one more worthy of being Teyrn than a Cousland."

Fergus inclined his head to Alistair again. "Thank you, your Majesty. I gratefully accept and I will immediately begin rebuilding Highever to it's former glory."

Eamon nodded in approval and then turned to Elissa. His eyes softened as he noticed that Alistair was still holding on to Elissa's hand. "And for you, Elissa Cousland. We are appointing you as the Warden Commander of Ferelden…and the Grey Wardens will be awarded with the land of Amaranthine, that you will oversee as it's Arlessa."

It was Elissa's turn to be surprised. "Warden Commander? Amaranthine?" She turned to Alistair who had a wide smug smile on his face. "Alistair…Amaranthine belongs to the Howes!"

"It used to belong to the Howes." Alistair corrected, sliding his hand through her hair. "It now belongs to you. It is a small payback considering what the Howes have taken from you…but it is a start."

"I cannot possibly be the Warden Commander of Ferelden." Elissa argued.

"Darling, you have been Warden Commander of Ferelden for the past several months." Alistair laughed, trying to calm her down. "Only now, it's official."

"Wait…" Fergus interrupted. "Did you just call my sister 'Darling'? Did you all neglect to tell me something?"

Elissa and Eamon exchanged a quick look. Alistair did not notice as they both guiltily shifted their gazes away from each other. Instead he gave a wide grin to Fergus. "Actually, there was something else I wanted to ask of you today. I'm glad I got the chance."

Elissa looked up at Alistair in confusion. There were too many things being thrown at her at once…she felt overwhelmed.

Alistair straightened his posture and looked Fergus straight in the eyes. "Fergus Cousland, will you allow me the honor of asking for your sister's hand in marriage?"

Shocked, Elissa and Eamon's eyes widened at the question. Several eavesdropping nobles around them had let out a small gasp and began to whisper amongst themselves.

Fergus looked pleasantly surprised. "I see that I have missed more than just my little sister becoming a Grey Warden. I take it you are in love with her?"

"With all my heart." Alistair declared, his voice unwavering.

Elissa's heart sank with his answer. She hadn't told him about Grey Wardens being unable to bear children yet. With that stigma, she would never be able to marry a King. She looked at Eamon who had a devastated expressed as he gazed down at the floor.

"Well now, let me get my sister's opinion, at least." Fergus replied and turned to Elissa. "Is this what you want?"

Elissa didn't answer and she felt the voices around her hush. She looked back up at Alistair, who looked confused at her lack of reply. She cleared her throat and pulled at Alistair's arm. "May I…speak to you in private real quick?"

She half-dragged the new King out of the main hall and into one of the many rooms in one of the wings of the castle. They could both hear the sudden burst of baffled gossip behind them. Elissa quickly closed the door and locked it for some privacy.

Alistair looked perplexed. "Are you angry, Elissa? I'm sorry that this was such a shock…but I thought women liked this sort of thing…surprise proposals and such!"

She bit her lip and shook her head. "No, I'm not angry at all…not at you." This was going to be difficult. How will she be able to tell him the awful truth? "I…I can't marry you, Alistair!"

Alistair remained silent for a minute. He then stepped towards her and took her into his arms. "Is it because of what I had to do with Morrigan? Maker forgive me, I'm so sorry that I had to do such a thing, Elissa." He whispered as he hugged her gently to his chest.

Elissa shook her head again, fighting back tears. "No, it's got nothing to do with Morrigan. I was the one who persuaded you into it…I'm not angry about it. But we cannot get married."

Alistair didn't let go of his embrace. "Why not? If it's about your status, that shouldn't be an issue. Your family has gotten back it's title and you are now the Arlessa of Ada…"

"It's not because of that."

"Then what is it?!" Alistair pursued, his voice rising with his temper. "Do you not know how much I love you? How much I care for you?! Is it because I'm not good enough? I know I'm a bit irresponsible, but I promise I will become the best King I ca…"

"Stop!" Elissa cried, pushing herself away from his chest. "It's not you! It's me!"

"What in Andraste's name are you talking about?!" Alistair held onto her shoulders. Her behavior was confusing him…and terrifying him at the same time.

Elissa took a deep breath and looked straight into his amber eyes. "Do you know about how it is difficult for a Grey Warden to have a child?"

Alistair slowly nodded. "I have heard…but I have also heard it is still possible. I mean…look at Morrigan…"

She placed her hand on top of his that was still grasped onto her shoulder. "With one parent being a Grey Warden, it is difficult enough as it is. However, when both parents are Grey Wardens…" Her voice began to falter. "It is impossible. I will never be able to bear your child, Alistair."

"Is that all?" Alistair let out a sigh of relief. "I don't care if we don't have children, Elissa! With both of us being Grey Wardens, we are fated to die early anyway."

"Alistair!" Elissa tightened her grip on his hand. "You are _King_! A King's most important duty is to sire an heir!"

His hands slowly dropped to his sides as her words sank in. Elissa was right. Why didn't he realize it sooner? If he didn't have a child, then Ferelden would have no leader after he died. He fell to his knees and rubbed his hands to his face. "Di…did you know about this…before you made me King?" He murmured.

Elissa closed her eyes in pain. "Yes."

He looked up angrily. "And you still did it?! Why? I believed you loved me as I love you!"

"I do!" Elissa bent down to encircle her arms around him. "Please do not doubt me, Alistair! But you needed to become King. We are Grey Wardens. We needed to save the world from the blight. You have saved Ferelden by uniting it, don't you see?!"

"What good is saving the sodding world if I can't be with the woman I love!" Alistair looked at her with fire burning in his eyes. "I cannot lose you again, Elissa!"

"You will not lose me…" She laid her cheek against his. "But maybe fate has other plans for us."

Alistair could not think of any reply. He was miserable. He had finally found his beloved Elissa from all those years ago. How cruel the Maker was! The Grey Warden curse was what had brought them together, but it was now what would rip them apart.

"I am sorry…" Elissa whispered, stroking his hair. She felt her heart shatter with her own words. "…I don't think we'll be able to play Family ever again."

They both sat in the room, wretched and dejected in each other's arms, while they listened to the sounds of the celebrations continue on outside the castle.


	17. His Own Worst Enemy

**A/N: **Thank you so much for your supportive comments and constructive criticism! It really helps me with writing future chapters. =) Alistair is not completely gone, so please don't worry...he'll make a comeback. Also, it will be getting a bit more mature in the next chapter, so please be warned!

* * *

**His Own Worst Enemy**

Elissa sat beside the cot, her new comrade was still hasn't awakened from his joining experience. Oghren simply squatted at the far corner of the room, twirling his axe between his hands.

It was ridiculous how things have gotten so crazy as soon as she had arrived in Amaranthine. She had heard rumors of remnants of the blight had been active in the north, but when she arrived at Vigil's Keep, it had been swarming with the darkspawn. What was worse, the Orlesian Grey Wardens that she had been expecting had all been either massacred or taken prisoner by the horde. These darkspawn were quite different from what she was accustomed to.

She sighed and looked up at the dingy ceiling. At least she could be grateful that Highever was safe at the moment. She had left Fergus so quickly because her duties as Warden Commander demanded her immediate attention.

"How long is this stupid brat going to be out for?" Oghren muttered from the corner.

Elissa turned to him and gave him a weary smile. "You know, it is quite normal for a Grey Warden to be out like this after the joining...I was the same. We all can't be like you, Oghren. I still can't believe you simply belched it out!"

Oghren let out his rough laugh and slapped his knee. "Not the best drink I've ever had in my life…but it had a good kick to it."

Elissa laughed with him. She was grateful that Oghren had joined her newest fight. Most of her old comrades have opted to stay behind in Denerim to assist the new King as advisors. Maker only knows that he needed whatever help he could get.

She felt a pang of melancholy as Alistair crossed her thoughts. After the day of coronation, their companionship has drastically changed. Gone were the days when Elissa could be comfortably alone with Alistair. They only spoke to each other when Eamon was present in the room with them…and even then, their conversations were polite and cordial.

Alistair had thrown himself into studying the government ordinances and dedicated himself to learning his new royal duties. Elissa, as the new Warden Commander, had constant meetings with Olesian emissaries and Ferelden soldiers to prepare for any other attack against the darkspawn. It was as if both were doing their best to forget the times they were together by working themselves to exhaustion. After a few weeks at Denerim, Elissa had set out to go to Highever. She did not bid Alistair a goodbye, only gave a quick word to Chancellor Eamon, who always gazed at the two with eyes of pity and regret.

With the most recent darkspawn attack against the Grey Warden lands of Amaranthine, Elissa was fully committed to fight what she was trusted to do as the Warden Commander of Ferelden. It was a welcome distraction from her sorrow.

"Ugh…" A strained voice moaned and broke Elissa out of her reverie.

She hovered over her new companion with concern. "Take it easy, Anders. You'll be fine."

Anders stared up at Elissa with squinted eyes. "Where am I? You didn't drag me back to the tower while I was out, did you?"

Elissa gave a reassuring smile. "I am not so unselfish to allow the templars take their frustration out on you before I do. You're in one of the rooms in Vigil's keep. We brought you here to recover from your joining."

"Brought me here, huh…what a manly mage I am." Anders muttered and slowly pulled himself up from the cot.

"Yeah, that was quite a show to see." Oghren snorted, getting up from his corner. "You passed out like a frail old woman paling from the sun. Even though Mhairi didn't make it, at least she went down more like a man than you."

"Mhairi didn't make it?" Anders asked, frowning. "What a shame…I thought out of all of us, the dwarf would be the first to go."

"I would have preferred Mhairi over the prissy little fruit. At least she would've looked better in his dress." Oghren huffed and crossed his arms.

"Enough." Elissa ordered, already tired from being a buffer between them. "If you guys are going to fight like children, I prefer you do it without me in the middle."

Both of them rolled their eyes but stopped at Elissa's request. Anders got up from his cot and stretched. "Well…now that I have rested with such a nice nap, shall we go about and fight some darkspawn then?"

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. They all turned to see a soldier open the door and immediately incline his head at Elissa. "I beg your pardon, commander. We have a new issue that we thought we should bring to your attention."

"What is going on?" Elissa got up from her chair.

"The guards are preparing to hang a thief that was caught breaking into the keep a few days ago. We were thinking you may want to see the man before he gets his punishment…seeing that you are our Arlessa and all."

Elissa nodded. "I guess I should then." She turned to Oghren and Anders. "You both go on and get your armor prepared. I'll be back shortly."

"See if you'd be allowed to stab the bastard rather than let them hang him. I'd prefer seeing that for entertainment." Oghren suggested, stroking his beard and grinning at the thought.

* * *

As the soldier led her towards the dungeons, Elissa couldn't help looking around her surroundings with a disdainful eye. Vigil's keep was still dark and depressing as she remembered it when she had visited as a child. When Arl Howe ran the lands, he did not care much for the aesthetics and comforts of his townspeople. She made a mental note to make sure the buildings in disrepair would get properly rebuilt, even if she would have to supplement the budget from her own pockets. After all, Amaranthine was now hers.

"You should be careful with this one." The soldier warned as they walked down the spiral stairway. "He took down four Grey Wardens before they were able arrest him. He was only able to survive the darkspawn attack because he was locked down here."

The soldier led her to the last door and unlocked it one of his brass keys. The door creaked opened and they both entered the dungeons.

One lone man was locked in the center cell while the rest remained empty. The soldier stood back at the door while Elissa approached the thief. He was sitting with his back against the wall, his dark cloak hung over his head and his body. He did not show any signs of acknowledging her presence and continued to stare at the floor.

"Are you the man who broke into Vigil's keep?" Elissa questioned, holding her hands behind her back.

The man slightly jolted at the sound of her voice. He quickly removed his hood and looked up at her. She let out a small gasp as he glared at her with familiar steel gray eyes.

"How can one break into his own home?" The thief answered, giving Elissa a crooked smile.

Elissa staggered and grabbed at the bars of the cell. "Nathaniel?! Nathaniel Howe? Is that you?!"

Nathaniel slowly stood up, brushing himself off. "Well, I am glad that the great hero of Ferelden did not forget about someone as lowly as I."

Elissa could not believe her eyes. She had never thought she would ever see Nathaniel again. His appearance had changed over the years. Nathaniel's black hair has gotten long and was almost at his shoulders. Gone were his boyish features…his face was now chiseled and sharp with a hard expression. His broad shoulders have also become more muscular. His eyes were still the same grey…only now they were glaring at her with unfamiliar contempt.

She immediately turned to the soldier who was trying hard not to show interest in her reaction. "Please go get Seneschal Varel and bring him down here."

The soldier paused to shoot a look at Nathaniel. "Yes, commander…" He reluctantly nodded and strode out to do her bidding.

Elissa turned back to Nathaniel. "I can't believe you're in here. I thought you were dead."

Nathaniel's lips pursed into a hard line. He was trying not to allow his past feelings of love cloud his clear vision of anger. Elissa Cousland had changed little since he last saw her as a young girl in Highever. Her hair was still the color of chestnuts that tended to curl at the ends. A scatter of light freckles across her nose still marred her otherwise perfect creamy complexion. Her lips were still as full and pink, even as she was frowning at him. Of course her eyes were still as clear and as blue as the sky. The only change he could distinguish was that her body has blossomed from her girlish lankiness into the curves of a young woman.

"I would have thought the same." He drawled, crossing his arms. "But I do not blame you for thinking me dead seeing that you killed my father."

Elissa was surprised at his harsh tone and narrowed her eyes at him. "Your father killed my family and destroyed my home."

"Well then…touché." Nathaniel replied sarcastically.

"What were you doing trying to break into Vigil's Keep?" Elissa demanded, feeling angry at his offish demeanor.

Nathaniel returned her glare. "The last I knew, Amaranthine was my home. But now that your new King has declared us Howes as traitors to the crown…well, that has made things a bit difficult for me."

Elissa let go of the bars of his cell. "Amaranthine now belongs to the Grey Wardens. I am now the Warden Commander and thus the Arlessa of it's lands."

"Why, how far you've come in the world." Nathaniel inclined his head in a mock gesture. "I'm so glad that you Couslands have felt it necessary to rule over Amaranthine along with Highever. I'm sure your parents are quite thrilled."

Nathaniel's cold sarcasm cut into her deep. Elissa did not expect her charming and suave Nathaniel become so bitter. She paused and took a step away to gather her thoughts. Nathaniel noticed her sudden silence and approached the bars that were between them. He felt some of his anger wither back as he saw Elissa's face furrowed with pain.

"Elissa." Nathaniel spoke as earnestly as he could. "I had nothing to do with what my father has done to your parents. You of all people knew I was in Free Marches while it happened. I did not know what had even happened until my sister wrote to me afterwards."

Elissa looked up and Nathaniel met her eyes evenly. She heard no hints of lying in his words…but then again, how could she trust the Howes again after all that has happened? She shook her head and stepped towards him again. "Nathaniel, they are planning on hanging you for thievery."

Nathaniel shrugged. "The guards have said as much. Frankly, it does not matter much to me whether I live or die."

Elissa was shocked. "What?! How can you not be concerned for your own life?"

Nathaniel let out an exasperated breath. "Even if I am let out of this place, where am I to go? As I said…the Howes are now branded as traitors to the crown. I have no home to go back to. I have nothing left. What do I have to live for?" He then gave her a hard stare. "But then again, how would the Warden Commander understand?"

"I think I understand quite well." Elissa replied cooly. "It is how I felt after your father destroyed my home."

"Well then, let's consider my death part of your justice, shall we?" Nathaniel sighed and leaned against the bars between them.

"Nathaniel…I do not wish for your death." Elissa said quietly, reaching her hand through the bars to place her hand on his shoulder. Nathaniel's back tensed with the familiar gesture.

"I don't really see an option at this point." Nathaniel responded. "I am a Howe. Your loyal soldiers consider me a threat…not only to you but to your brother as well."

"You wouldn't kill me." Elissa said confidently, straightening herself.

"How would you know? I may be planning for my vengeance at this very moment and just waiting for an opportunity to slice your throat open."

"I'm not saying it's because you wouldn't try." Elissa corrected him, copying his arrogant stance. "I am simply saying you would not be skilled enough to kill me."

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at her smug smile. Elissa Cousland was still the cocky little warrior he remembered. Nice to know that hasn't changed.

Seneschal Varel arrived at the dungeons with the soldier in tow. He approached Elissa and did not bother acknowledging the prisoner. "Well, commander…I see you have met our thief. Seeing that he is a Howe, have you gotten your final peace before we hang him?"

Elissa turned her eyes back at Nathaniel who took the news of his execution with little concern.

Even though his father was a traitor and a murderer…she could not bring herself to hate his son. Her mind flooded with memories of the days when he had been her friend and training partner. She still had his birthday gift strapped to her ankle…to this day she could not bring herself to throw it away.

The old Nathaniel that had been so full of life…but was now loaded with despair…she felt she had to take it upon herself to give her friend a second chance at life. She could not allow the sins of his father doom him.

"Varel, I have decided." Elissa said and Nathaniel lifted his head to meet her gaze. She gave Nathaniel a hard grin that made his eyes narrow in suspicion.

"I will be conscripting him into the Grey Wardens. Please prepare for the joining."


	18. One Desperate Night

**A/N: **I am trying my best to keep this fiction from being too lemony (although there is absolutely nothing wrong with lemons ^^), so please don't hesitate to let me know if it is. As always, thanks for the encouragement =)

* * *

**One Desperate Night**

"I didn't realize you Grey Wardens favored walking so much." Nathaniel muttered, stretching his arms out.

Elissa shrugged. "Complaining will do you no good. Besides, you're a Grey Warden yourself…so you should get used to it."

They have gotten back to Vigil's Keep after a brutal fight with the darkspawn at some of the farms on the outskirts of Amaranthine. It was making Elissa edgy that the attacks were increasing. She was appreciative of her companion's support thus far. Oghren and Anders have proven themselves to be worthy of the Warden title.

Nathaniel had been the biggest surprise. Elissa had almost forgotten how fast and lethal he was. Apparently he had much more practice in Free Marches than she had originally believed. As unmotivated he tried to make himself out to be, whenever she found herself under enemy attack, Nathaniel was instantly there to protect her back.

She recalled the times they sparred in training. She always felt that Nathaniel held back his attacks during those matches. While they fought against the darkspawn, she was sure that he was doing his best to make sure no harm fell upon her. She made no mention of it, but it was exactly like old times.

"Well, if we're going to be here for the night, might I suggest Oghren take a much needed bath?" Anders suggested, pinching his nose at the dwarf's direction. "It's getting to the point I have to walk upwind to avoid the stench as we travel."

"How about if you join me and I'll hold your head under the water to make sure you wash behind your ears." Oghren's gave his surly reply.

Elissa noticed Nathaniel give a slight hint of a smile at their banter. Nathaniel's broody personality was slowly beginning to break away. She grinned to herself, careful not to let him see her self-satisfied expression.

As they were all about to head into their respective chambers in the Keep, Varel emerged from the main hall and waved Elissa over. The others stayed in place as Elissa stepped towards the Seneschal.

"My lady." Varel greeted her, sounding a bit breathless. "I have come to tell you that the King of Ferelden is arriving shortly. The guards on the lookout tower noticed a small army of Denerim soldiers accompanying him."

Elissa felt the blood drain from her face. She was dirty, exhausted, and had just fought several battles with the horde. She was not in the best state of mind to meet with anyone…especially Alistair. "How long do we have until they arrive?" She asked, hoping for a chance to make herself presentable at the very least.

"He should be arriving at any moment now. Would you like me to keep him occupied until you prepare yourself?" Varel volunteered, noticing how tired his Arlessa was looking.

"Yes, please. Thank you, Varel. I will join you in the main hall as soon as I can." She inclined her head.

Off to the side, the others watched as Elissa quickly headed towards her quarters and the Seneschal headed back towards the main hall of the Keep. Nathaniel noticed how pale she became when she received the news of the King's arrival. It was not a normal reaction…at least not for Elissa.

"The King is arriving then?" Anders let out a low whistle. "I guess that's not much of a surprise considering she is the Hero of Ferelden after all."

"Mind yourself, sparkle fingers." Oghren spat. "This is going to be rough for our commander. Just keep your nose to yourself and don't ask questions when she's done."

Nathaniel turned to the dwarf who was staring off into the distance with an angry look on his face. "I take it you don't like the new King very much? Didn't you all fight by each other's side during the battle with the archdemon?" He couldn't help asking.

Oghren furrowed his brow and let out a grunt. "It's not like I don't like the kid. It's become sodding awkward with those two now…I left the palace and followed the boss thinking I could get away from that mess. But I think both he and the commander knew what they were getting into when they decided to…tap the midnight still."

Both Anders and Nathaniel were shocked by Oghren's admission. "Wait, wait." Anders gestured Oghren to slow down. "Are you saying that the commander and the King were…intimate?"

"Are you as slow as you are annoying?" Oghren crossed his arms. "All you need to do is to keep your gossiping mouth shut. What happened isn't our business and the boss can take care of herself."

Anders simply nodded in response and both he and Oghren continued to walk into their own respective quarters. Nathaniel was frozen in place, still in disbelief of the dwarf's comments.

Elissa and the King? Nathaniel felt a small pain in his chest as he tried to grasp the scenario. He was not sure why it was such a shock to him. He has not seen or heard from Elissa in several years…and during that time it would be quite normal for her to fall in love with somebody else. For the past several days since he had become a Grey Warden, he tried to convince himself that she was not the same Elissa that he had left behind in Highever. Even though he was in debt to her because she was his savior, she was also his father's murderer, and such a thing could not be easily forgiven.

However, Nathaniel thought as he slowly headed to his own quarters, he could not deny that a small part of himself was hoping that Elissa had been waiting for him and would accept his proposal from that starry night all those years ago.

* * *

Varel greeted the King of Ferelden and immediately offered Vigil Keep's hospitality to the soldiers that have accompanied him from Denerim.

King Alistair and the Seneschal chatted amicably about the state of Amaranthine. It was apparent to Varel that whatever reason the King came to Vigil Keep for, he would not discuss the matter unless it was with the Warden Commander. He prayed that the Arlessa would be quick…as friendly as the new King was, it was still unnerving to keep him waiting.

His prayers were answered when he heard her apology as she entered the main hall. "I'm sorry to keep you both waiting."

They both turned and saw that Elissa had changed into a formal gown of red velvet and gold lining. She had left her hair down and the curls rested on top of her shoulders. Varel let out a silent sigh of relief that she was able to make herself look so beautiful after she had stomped into the keep a few moments ago looking as if she was caught in a rain of mud. Although he wished that his Arlessa did not change into a dress where the neckline was so revealing.

Elissa immediately knelt down before the King. "Your Majesty."

Varel could have sworn that the King looked uncomfortable as he nodded his acceptance. "Warden Commander."

Elissa did her best to keep her face as neutral as she could. She was grateful that Varel was present so she would not be alone with Alistair. It was still too uncomfortable to be around him. "May I ask what brings the King to Vigil's Keep?"

"Oh…uh…yes." Alistair got his bearings together. He hadn't seen Elissa in what seemed like an eternity and he had been staring at her wistfully, wishing he could simply take her into his arms as a greeting. "I came to give the Orlesian Grey Wardens a formal welcome…but it seems like they are not present at the moment."

"My King, the Orlesian Grey Wardens have either been killed or gone missing due to the recent attack by the darkspawn." Varel explained.

"Missing?" Alistair was shocked and turned to Elissa. "The darkspawn took them? Do they do that?"

Elissa sadly shook her head at the loss. "These darkspawn apparently do."

"Perhaps you need to tell me more about what's been going on." Alistair said, clasping his hands behind his back.

"You may want to have a seat then, Your Majesty." Elissa said grimly. "It's quite a story so far…"

* * *

After they spent several hours discussing the newest threat, Elissa began to feel emotionally and physically drained. They sat together at the long table of the dining room. Periodically, one of the servants have been quietly stepping in to refill their goblets with water. Alistair had been listening intently to both Elissa and Varel's recounts of the attacks on Amaranthine.

Alistair suddenly let out a yawn and the Seneschal immediately caught notice. "Are you okay, Your Majesty? You must be exhausted after such a long trip from Denerim."

"Yes, I apologize for my rudeness." Alistair slowly rose from his seat. "I have absorbed a lot of information tonight. I will make sure that Amaranthine receives additional support from Denerim to help with your defenses."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. That would be much appreciated." Varel gratefully replied.

"If you do not mind, I would like to go to sleep for the night." Alistair turned to Elissa, who also stood up from her chair. "May I impose upon the Warden Commander to escort me to my rooms? I'm afraid this keep is quite large and I do not know my way around."

Elissa was caught off-guard and was unable to come up with an excuse to his request. She immediately glanced at Varel who was also getting up from his seat, oblivious to her discomfort. "Uh…yes. I will be more than happy to show you, Your Majesty."

Like a gentleman, Alistair held his arm out to Elissa. She hesitated and then slowly threaded her arm through his. The closeness felt familiar but awkward at the same time.

"I will see you off in the morning then." Varel bowed low to them both. "Have a good night's sleep."

"You as well, Varel." Elissa inclined her head and led Alistair out of the dining room and towards his chambers.

They walked in uneasy silence, their steps echoing through the corridor hallways. Elissa felt her heart pounding away at her chest, wishing that she wasn't in such a predicament. She still cared deeply for Alistair, but ever since that day when she told him the awful truth…they would never be able to go back to their former camaraderie. It would be too painful for her to be around him…knowing that they would never be able to be together.

They arrived at the door of the guest chambers and Elissa opened the door for the King. "I apologize the accommodations aren't grand, but I hope this will do-"

Her apology was cut short when Alistair suddenly took hold of her face and crushed his lips on hers. It has been so long and the taste of his lips were so welcoming that she could not fight him off. Rather, she found herself softly moan in response.

"Stay with me tonight, Elissa." Alistair murmured softly against her lips.

She wanted to refuse and push him away, but her body would not obey her commands to run. She kicked the door shut behind them and they both stumbled towards the bed, his royal armor dropping to the floor in pieces like a trail being left behind them. Alistair's hands almost tore her gown apart as he was frantic to feel her naked skin on his own.

They both fell to the bed and found themselves tangled in each other's limbs. She let out small whimpers of pleasure as she felt Alistair's calloused hands ran over her body, leaving her skin tingling wherever he touched.

She opened herself to him and he took her hard…she let out a small gasp in surprise. His mouth immediately found hers and he ravaged her tongue with his own. In the past occasions when she and Alistair had made love, he had always been gentle and slow, as if he were trying to savor each moment. As he pressed his body on top of her own, she felt his desperate need as if his life depended on it, and it only heightened her own desire and she responded to him just as intensely.

As he felt her grip him harder between her thighs, he went faster, feeling his own release about to approach. As she shuddered with pleasure beneath him, he embraced her tightly and emptied inside her. They were both breathless and exhausted…and welcomed the sleep that quickly came over them while in each other's arms.


	19. Dawn

**A/N: **Ah, you all are so sweet! Thank you so much! I didn't mean for this story to go on for so long, I blame that darn Alistair. =)

* * *

**Dawn**

Elissa woke up, slowly realizing that she was sleeping in a warm and comfortable bed rather than a blanket on the hard cold ground. She felt her legs entangled with another and also realized she wasn't alone. She slowly opened her eyes, allowing them to focus in the dim light of a lone flickering candle by the bed stand. She saw Alistair, his arm propped up to support his head while he gazed at Elissa's face. His free hand was leisurely stroking her back.

She smiled shyly. "How long have you been watching me sleep?"

"A little bit. But I enjoy watching you sleep." Alistair smiled back. "I didn't realize how much I've missed it."

"You've watched me sleep before this?" Elissa asked drowsily, placing her hand on Alistair's chest.

"Only every night when I was sleeping with you." He confessed, lifting his hand to brush a lock of hair from her face.

Elissa shifted closer to his warmth and let out a sigh of content. "It's not dawn yet. I should get up and get back to my quarters before somebody notices."

With those words, Alistair bent down and kissed Elissa gently. _Maker, I've missed this_, she thought as she closed her eyes.

Alistair broke away and looked straight into her eyes. "Elissa…there is another reason why I've come to Vigil's Keep. I wanted to speak with you personally about something important." He spoke quietly, his tone serious.

Elissa rubbed at her eyes, still feeling half-asleep. "Hm? What is it then?"

Alistair took hold of her hand that had been stroking his back. He gripped her hand lightly in his own. "Elissa…I am to be wed soon."

Elissa's breath caught as soon as she heard his words. At first she thought it was another one of his awful jokes, but saw his solemn expression. "Wait…what?"

"Chancellor Eamon is arranging for me to meet the daughters of several nobles of the bann. They are all pushing for me to get a wife and sire an heir as soon as possible." Alistair explained softly.

Elissa felt tears well up in her eyes and blinked them away. "You are to be wed soon then?" She repeated in disbelief.

"Yes." Alistair answered, closing his eyes as if he were in pain.

Elissa snatched her hand back and quickly rose from the bed. She found her gown crumpled on the floor and quickly began to dress herself. Alistair reached for her as she kept her back towards him. "Elissa, please. You have to understand that this is a duty I must do as King…"

_I know that_, She thought bitterly, concentrating on keeping herself from weeping. _I was the one who told you, after all_. She would never forgive herself if she cried over a matter like this. She straightened her gown and swiftly turned to face Alistair who had a look of concern that was far too late.

"I am quite honored that you have decided to spend one last night with me before you go off to get married…I hope you understand that I will be unable to attend the ceremony so I apologize in advance." She whispered, trying to keep her voice from choking back a sob.

"Elissa, please don't say it like that!" Alistair quickly got out of the bed and embraced her. "I didn't mean for this to happen…it just did. When I saw you tonight, my heart was hammering against my chest so badly I could hardly breathe. I still love you, Elissa…only you. Being wed to someone else…I can't even describe how much this has tortured me."

_I know that!_ She thought again, wishing she could yell it out.

She stepped away from his arms and headed towards the door. As she placed her hand on the handle, she looked back to give him one last smile, trying her best not to show her pain. She was determined she would be brave enough to give him a proper farewell. "You are a wonderful person and a magnificent King. You will be a great husband to a very lucky woman and a greater father to your future son. I sincerely wish you nothing but the best."

"Elissa, please don't…"

She simply bowed low to him. "Maker bless you, Your Majesty." She opened the door and quickly exited, closing the door quietly behind her.

As she walked quickly down the dark corridor, she heard a small sob escape from her throat. At the very least, she was relieved she didn't cry in front of him.

* * *

Elissa didn't go back to her quarters. She found herself wandering around the keep in a daze. Gratefully, the few guards that were stationed inside the keep did not question her evening walk. They simply inclined their heads as she walked past them. With no destination in mind, she found herself on the walkway on the rooftop. Several torches lay lit to illuminate the path. The sky was still pitch black and scattered with stars. She looked down and saw several guards pacing outside the grounds, keeping vigilant while everyone lay asleep.

She felt the cool night air blow through her hair and took a deep breath. She had to pull herself together. Alistair getting married to another woman was something she had been expecting for a long time now. Wasn't that something she came to terms with when she had decided to make him king? She was the Warden Commander of Ferelden. There were still many enemies to fight. She had promised herself that she would rebuild Amaranthine the best she could. She was a grown woman...simpering about a broken heart was not a luxury she could afford at a time like this.

She sighed and debated whether or not she should get back to her chambers. If she was gone for too long, somebody may notice her missing.

"Nice night, don't you think?"

Elissa jumped at the voice and spun around to see Nathaniel leaning casually against the railing beside her. Had she been so deep in her thoughts that she didn't even notice him approach her?

"Andraste's blood, you scared me to death." She put a hand to her chest. "It's nice to see you haven't changed that bad habit of sneaking up on me."

"It's not my fault you didn't notice me. Being distracted is the worst thing a soldier can do, I've told you that before." Nathaniel murmured, staring down at the sight below.

Elissa couldn't help letting out a small laugh. "Yes…you have mentioned that once or twice. What are you doing up here?"

"I came up here a lot when I was a child." Nathaniel replied. "The view always helped me when I was unable to sleep."

She could almost envision it too easily. Nathaniel as a child, sneaking about the keep, finding himself on the rooftops. She thought of it made her smile to herself. "Why are you unable to sleep tonight?" Elissa asked.

"Too many things on my mind." He answered simply. "Why are you up here?"

Elissa averted her eyes back down. "Same reason…I suppose."

They both watched the grounds below. A few new soldiers appeared to relieve the duties of the men that had been on guard all night. After several moments of silence, Nathaniel turned to her. "Are you all right, Elissa?"

She nodded her head in response and continued to keep her eyes on the view.

Nathaniel tapped his fingers against the stone ledge. "You know…In my opinion, when a woman is walking around with eyes as red as her gown, may not be as fine as she believes she is."

Elissa spun around angrily and faced Nathaniel. He was nonplussed, gazing at her with a look of casual interest. For some reason, his cool expression annoyed her.

"My life is none of your business." She narrowed her eyes and turned on her heel to storm off.

Nathaniel grabbed her wrist before she could stomp away. She paused, wondering why he was stopping her. She turned around to see his grey eyes gaze sharply into her own.

"Elissa. For over three years I have thought about you every night. Dreamed about you. I realize that you owe nothing to me. But will you at least tell me this…" Nathaniel paused, and his brow furrowed. "Are you in love with King Alistair?"

Elissa felt his question pierce her chest like a dagger. Her eyes broke from his gaze and she attempted to walk away, but his grip on her wrist was strong. He was not going to let her go until he heard her answer. As hard as she tried, Elissa's pride began to crumble.

"I do not want to be!" She cried honestly, covering her face with her free hand.

"Then why are you?" Nathaniel asked, unrelenting.

"I don't know!" She exclaimed. "I realize he is now the King of Ferelden. He is no longer my lonely boy from Redcliffe. He is no longer my fellow Grey Warden. I know that!" She spat angrily. "But I do not know why I haven't moved on! Maker only knows how much I want to!"

Before she let the tears escape, Nathaniel pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head. His sudden embrace surprised her…and strangely comforted her. She felt his steady heartbeat thump against her back.

"So _he's_ the bastard I should be flogging…" Nathaniel muttered into her hair. "A sodding King. I guess I should have expected it as much. You've never made anything easy for me."

Elissa didn't reply, she was still feeling confused as to why he was holding her in his arms so tightly. Nathaniel let out an exasperated sigh and continued.

"Elissa…know this. I realize that you are my father's murderer and it is still much too early for me to forgive you for it." Nathaniel let her go and she slowly turned to look at him. He gave her a rueful grimace. "But you are making it difficult for me to hold on to my anger. Seeing you in this much pain…I cannot bear it."

Elissa's face softened. "Nathaniel, what are you saying?"

He turned to look out into the horizon. The sunrise was approaching and the sky was slowly fading from black to golden hues. He couldn't help chuckle at the irony. He felt his feelings dawn upon him without realizing it.

He must be a masochist of some sort. Or he must really like to overcome impossible challenges in his life.

For whatever reason, he had found himself in love with Elissa Cousland all over again. Of all the women in Ferelden, he has to compete with a bloody king for her affections. Isn't it just like Elissa?

He turned back to Elissa's confused scowl. He finally gave her the same boyish grin that he used to her so easily in the past. "You're still as thick-headed as you were back then. No matter. Let's hurry up and get back to our quarters. We need to prepare for our upcoming battles today. By your lead…_Commander."_


	20. Forgiveness

**A/N: **Just a brief unrelated note, I love the Anders/Amell pairing. Well...to be fair I love Anders in general! When I first began this story, I was going to involve Anders into the triangle, but I don't think he suited my Fem Cousland as a romantic interest. As always, thanks so much for the encouragement!

* * *

**Forgiveness**

"That was quite fun. Let us never do that again." Anders groaned, leaning against his rod like a crutch.

"They gave us much more of a fight than I had bargained for." Elissa muttered, looking around to make sure her comrades were still alive. Anders was healing his injuries with what little strength he had left. Oghren's armor was singed from the fire breathing menaces, but he was fine. Velanna was covered in soot and hysterically looking around the cave for her sister. Nathaniel was covered in blood, but it was not his own.

She let out a small sigh of relief. The worst she received was a deep cut on her left arm, which she could easily ignore for now.

Two lifeless bodies of dragon thralls lied at their feet. The sunlight that escaped through the cracks in the cave dimly illuminated the rubble strewn about from the fight.

Nathaniel yanked his sword from one of the dragons and proceeded to wipe off the blood on its skin before sheathing it. "Where's the bastard who ordered these to us?!"

"Over there!" Velanna yelled, pointing towards a ledge above them.

Elissa squint her eyes. The cave was too dark to make out the details of their enemy…one was definitely an elf, most likely Velanna's sister. The other was…a darkspawn? However, darkspawn never held themselves in such a regal way.

"Seranni!" Velanna ran towards the two shadowy figures.

The shadowy figure raised his arms and the cave walls began to tremble and shake. Rocks and gravel began to fall from the ceiling.

"A cave-in!" Oghren shouted.

"We need to get out of here now! Run that way!" Elissa pointed towards the direction in which they came. Anders and Oghren immediately obeyed her orders. Nathaniel followed Elissa as she ran towards Velanna and grabbed her arm. "Hurry!"

"No!" Velanna struggled angrily. "That's my sister with him!"

"This is no time to be stubborn!" Nathaniel angrily took hold of Velanna's other arm.

"I swear we will come back for her! We need to escape!" Elissa pulled Velanna by her side, saving her from the rockslide that spilled down from the ledge.

She made sure Velanna was in front of her while they ran towards the exit. She heard Nathaniel's footsteps by her side. It was difficult to see where they were running with the cloud of dust that was engulfed around them. Just as she saw the white sunlight revealing their way out, Elissa felt a strong shove from her back that made her stumble forward and fall to the ground.

"Commander!" Anders and Oghren both yelled simultaneously and ran towards her. They pulled her to her feet and paused. The cave stopped its quaking and the dust began to settle.

Elissa began to look around frantically. "Where's Nathaniel?!" She yelled in panic. "He was right next to me!"

"Here he is!" She heard Oghren shout from behind.

She quickly turned around and her eyes widened as she saw an unconscious Nathaniel on the ground, his body trapped under several large rocks, with blood slowly beginning to pool around his head.

* * *

Pain. A dull persistent pain. It was what woke him up from his dreamless slumber. As he slowly opened his eyes, he found himself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. He blinked to clear his blurry vision. He was inside a room…not the outdoors, which he had become so accustomed to. He was lying in a large bed and covered in blankets. The windows were open and the sun was pouring in, brightening the tiny space. He felt a deadened throbbing coming from the back of head. As he reached up to feel it, his fingers found pieces of linen that were tightly wrapped around the wound.

"Ah, awake are you?"

Nathaniel tried to sit up but found himself wincing from pain as he adjusted himself on the bed. He looked up to see where the voice came from and saw Anders at the doorway with a vial of liquid in his hands that was suspiciously smoking.

"Anders? Where am I? Ugh…" Nathaniel felt a sharp stab of pain from his back.

"Hey, now. Take it easy." Anders set the vial on a nearby stand and walked over to the bed. "We're in the city of Amaranthine at the moment. It was closer than Vigil's Keep. We're currently in one of the rooms at the Chantry."

Nathaniel's mind felt muddled and cloudy. "What happened? Last thing I remember is us running out of that dungeon while it was caving in."

"Good to know you remember that." Anders grinned and crossed his arms. "You apparently saved our commander by pushing her out of the way as a gigantic rock pile was about to flatten her. Ended up flattening you instead…luckily, you're quite a hardy man…I think if it fell on her, she wouldn't have survived."

Nathaniel recalled it as Anders explained. He was running beside Elissa when he noticed the ceiling was about to fall upon her. Without thinking, he had lurched towards her and shoved her out of the way.

He let out a relieved sigh. "I never thought I would be so relieved to be injured then."

"You were completely out cold. It took us a while to get the rubble off of you. I don't think I've ever seen the commander so frantic." Anders noted. "Unfortunately, both Velanna and I were drained of magic from the fight with the dragons. But we were able to heal you just enough to keep you from bleeding to death. Oghren helped carry you to the city…for a dwarf, he's quite strong."

Nathaniel looked at his hands and found them bandaged up as well. He must have been in worse shape than he thought. "I owe you my thanks then. Where is our commander?"

Anders nodded to Nathaniel's right. Nathaniel turned his head and was shocked to see Elissa kneeling by the side of his bed. Her head was rested upon her crossed arms and her breaths were slow and quiet. Elissa also had a white bandage wrapped around her forearm as well.

"You've been out for about three days. The commander didn't leave your side for a second." Anders said softly. "Even I could tell she was terrified that you would be lost…I think this is the first time I've seen her asleep since then."

Nathaniel frowned. A few days ago, they swiftly left Vigil's Keep early in the morning. Nathaniel knew it was because the King was leaving that day and it was most likely that Elissa did not want to face him again. Ever since that day, she has not been sleeping well. She was always the last one to sleep and the first to awake. The others were also aware but chose to keep it to themselves.

"Well then…don't forget to take the stamina draught I made." Anders pointed to the smoking potion on the table. "I'll go and notify your healer that you're awake."

"Healer? Wasn't that you?" Nathaniel asked, lowering his voice so it would not disturb Elissa's sleep.

"I wish I could take the credit, but no. All Velanna and I were able to do was to treat the life threatening wounds…like I said, we both ran out of strength by then." Anders sighed, flexing his fingers. "When we arrived in Amaranthine, first thing Oghren did was carry your unconscious body to this chantry. Apparently, a skilled healer was on visit here. Luckily for us, our commander and Oghren knew her quite well and she immediately tended to your nastier injuries. I'll be right back…try not to go anywhere." Anders turned around and left the room.

Nathaniel rubbed at the pain in his neck. He was glad that the pain was a dull soreness rather than an infected wound. He would have to thank Valenna as well for her swift first aid assistance. He glanced down at Elissa, who was still asleep at the side of his bed. The kneeling position she was in could not be comfortable…she must have been exhausted to fall asleep in that pose.

He reached over and brushed stray locks of hair from her face. He caressed her cheek with his knuckles softly, smiling as she wrinkled her nose in her sleep. He was grateful that he was able to save her at least. Anders was right…if she was the one who had been trapped by the falling rocks, Warden Commander or no, she would have been crushed and good as dead.

Elissa let out a small moan and her eyes began to flutter. Nathaniel took hold of her hand as she awakened.

"Nathaniel?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, I'm here." He replied, squeezing her hand.

She turned her head slightly and gazed at him with her eyes half open. "Are you okay?" She asked, her voice almost a whisper.

"Yes, I'm fine. It was only a flesh wound." He waved at her with his bandaged hand. "It'll take more than something than a mere cave-in to kill me. I'm not some fragile flower."

Elissa's eyes went misty as she rewarded him with a small chuckle. "Yes…I remember telling you that there was nothing fragile about you Howes."

Nathaniel smiled at the memory. "If that's a thank you for saving you from that avalanche of rocks, you are quite welcome."

Elissa slowly shook her head. "I am going to have to yell at you later for that. I was terrified you were dead. I should have been the one under those rocks."

"Do not say such depressing things." Nathaniel ordered and lightly pulled on her hand. "Come now, only mabari hounds sleep on the floor. Get on the bed…I promise I will be a gentleman."

Instead of giving her usual quip of refusal, Elissa surprised Nathaniel by obeying his request and slowly climbed onto the bed. Elissa kept hold of his hand and tightened her fingers between his. She sighed as she laid her head on the pillow next to him. "Speaking of hounds…I sure do miss him."

"Are you talking about Fergus?" Nathaniel asked in a joking tone.

Elissa gave him a pinch on his leg. "No. I mean my mabari hound, Dog. I had to leave him behind in Highever. I miss him so." She wistfully sighed again.

"Ah…you got a hound. I did not know that." Nathaniel murmured, leaning back into his pillow and facing Elissa. "Is there anything else you haven't told me of?"

"A lot of things changed while you were gone." Elissa spoke lowly, holding Nathaniel's hand and rubbing circles into his palm with her thumb.

Nathaniel paused and stared into Elissa's eyes. Clear and blue, she gazed back at him with no guile or deceit behind them. He took a deep breath and moved his head closer to hers. "Including your relationship with the King?"

Elissa simply stared back at Nathaniel, her face serene and calm as he patiently waited for her reply. It was time for her to come out with the entire truth. Assumptions were going to get them nowhere. Nathaniel wanted the truth straight from her. _Only then will I know if she is ready to let go of her past_, he thought as he continued to gaze into her lovely eyes.

Elissa nodded reluctantly. "Yes." She finally answered.

Nathaniel took his free hand and gently stroked her face. "Are you scared that I would get angry because you have fallen in love with someone else while I was in Free Marches?"

Elissa paused again, delicately biting down on her lower lip. "Yes…"

He smiled at her. "I am only mad because you did not tell me of it sooner. I had to find out, might I add…very awkwardly…from Oghren. I don't fault you for finding someone else while I was gone. Three years was a long time. I understand."

"I'm sorry." Elissa whispered unhappily. The memories came back…the day in which he agreed to wait for the answer she was unable to give. She had conveniently forgotten about her promise as soon as Highever fell.

She had so many awful and suspicious thoughts that Nathaniel had been involved with his father's attack on her home. Nathaniel…who had been in love with her for years. Nathaniel…whose father she had slain in revenge. Nathaniel…who had saved her life by endangering his own.

"Don't apologize." Nathaniel held his hand to her cheek and caressed it tenderly. She shook her head, refusing to allow him to lessen her guilt.

He sighed and gazed at her longingly. "Elissa…if things have been different…if I never had decided to ride off to the Free Marches…and my father didn't do what he did…and you never had to become a Grey Warden…do you think you would have fallen in love with me as deeply as I did with you?"

Elissa felt her heart shudder at those words. Nathaniel was hitting the target dead center as always. "I do not know…" She answered honestly, her voice hoarse.

"And now?" Nathaniel's face drew closer, their foreheads touching. "Here we are…your parents dead…my father dead…your past with the King…If I told you that I loved you, how would you answer me now?"

Elissa's breath ran ragged as her heart beat faster. "I…do not know." She repeated her answer.

"I gave you three years to decide before. Apparently that was not the smartest decision I have made on my part." Nathaniel smiled…his boyish smile. "I am not so stupid as to not learn from my past mistakes."

He leaned forward and his lips met hers. It was not a passionate kiss or a lusty kiss as they had shared when they were young. His lips were gentle and tentative. Elissa closed her eyes and opened her mouth to his. It was kiss between two people who were unsure about their future but just as curious. As they broke apart, she felt as if her breath was taken away.

Nathaniel squeezed the hand he held and then brought Elissa's fingers to his lips. "Maker help me…I love you Elissa." He confessed huskily. "Even if you do not return the feelings, I vow that I will do whatever I can to make you happy."

Elissa felt tears spring into her eyes. Were they tears of joy or tears of heartbreak? She could not distinguish between the two. Nathaniel nuzzled his nose against hers and they both let out a soft chuckle.

"I am glad to see that our patient is better."

Both Nathaniel and Elissa quickly lifted their heads towards the kind female voice that came from the doorway.

Wynne stood at the door, her hand politely held over her mouth, trying to keep her smile to herself.


	21. Advice

**A/N: **Thanks so much again for your comments and support ^^ This fiction is getting longer than I anticipated and I wish I could go back and merge the first couple chapters together (but I'm feeling too lazy to do it ^^;;). Next chapter will be mature again, so don't say I never warned you!

* * *

**Advice**

"Thank you so much for your help, Wynne." Elissa gave the mage a grateful smile. "I don't know what we could have done without you."

Wynne smiled softly and ran her head on top of Elissa's head. It was an affectionate gesture a grandmother would make. "You are very welcome. It was quite a coincidence. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you and Oghren storm inside the chantry."

Elissa and Wynne walked amicably around the small chantry gardens. Nathaniel was still in bed, under orders to rest for one more day. Wynne had healed many of his broken bones and she wanted to make sure that her hard work wasn't ruined by his impatience.

They had left the room to give Nathaniel and his sister Delilah some time alone. By the most coincidental of events, Anders had somehow run across Delilah on the market streets. Elissa knew from her own experience about how joyful it was to be reunited with a long lost sibling. She decided to leave the two to get reacquainted in private. Anders and Oghren have wandered off about the city, getting ready for their next destination. Valenna was preparing herself for her upcoming joining into the Grey Wardens.

Wynne recalled the moment when Elissa had burst into the chantry and begged her to save Nathaniel. It was rare to see Elissa looking so scared. She had seen her angry many times…but never terrified. It was obvious that her newest comrade meant a great deal to her.

Wynne cleared her throat. "I can see you and your new companion have gotten quite close."

Elissa's pale face reddened slightly. "Nathaniel…we're fellow Grey Wardens now. He's a friend."

"My…you keep your friends quite close, don't you?" Wynne teased.

"I was tired…I crawled into bed with him…I swear by Andraste's name that we were just talking…" Elissa stuttered, knowing how silly she sounded.

Wynne placed her hand on Elissa's shoulder. "I'm just playing with you, child. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Elissa smiled sheepishly. "Thank you, Wynne."

The old mage watched Elissa bend down to admire a well tended bed of flowers. Elissa had lost weight, Wynne observed, she hasn't been eating. By the dark circles around her eyes, it was plain to see she hasn't been getting enough sleep. Unfortunately, she had recently seen Elissa's same symptoms in someone else as well. The King was looking quite malnourished and exhausted when she last saw him a few days ago. It didn't take a royal scholar to figure out that the two issues were related to one another.

However, Elissa had a faint rosy tint back into her cheeks today, Wynne noted to herself. Was it most likely due to the Howe boy?

"My dear…" Wynne spoke slowly, unsure if she needed to discuss the topic with Elissa. "You have seen Alistair recently, haven't you?"

"Yes, I have." Elissa didn't turn to Wynne, instead she kept her gaze on the cheerful faces of the flowers before her.

"I assume he informed you of the most recent…situation he has been dealing with?" Wynne asked, staring down at the flowers as well.

"His search for a queen to bear him an heir? Yes, he did tell me that." Elissa's voice remained monotone, with no hints of anger or sadness.

Wynne nodded to herself. When he arrived back at court, Alistair had not spoken a word to anybody about his short visit at Vigil's Keep. Leliana had inquired on how Elissa had been faring and she received nothing more than a quiet grunt in reply. They all had assumed that Alistair had gone to Vigil's Keep to speak with Elissa, but judging by his reaction, it was most likely an unpleasant reunion.

"You sound quite undisturbed at the news." Wynne said quietly, clasping her hands together. "I was expecting a different reaction due to the fact you were both joined at the hip just a few months ago."

Elissa slowly stood back up. "Things change, Wynne. It's not something that makes me happy, but it's unavoidable. Ferelden needs Alistair…and I cannot be the one to be by his side."

Wynne gazed at Elissa thoughtfully. The young girl had become hard and rigid from the reality of the weight of Ferelden on her slim shoulders. It was saddening that girls at Elissa's age had their heads full of marriage and babies, but Elissa herself knew very well that it was dream beyond her reach.

Wynne thought about how Alistair had suddenly tried to leave the palace a few days back.

"_Alistair! What do you think you're doing?" Wynne approached the young king at the palace stables while he was preparing the saddle for his horse. Chancellor Eamon had rushed over and begged Wynne for her assistance with Alistair._

"_I'm going to Vigil's Keep." Alistair stated with a determined look on his face._

"_Why are you doing that, Alistair? You cannot suddenly leave the palace…you're the King." Wynne rested her hand on top of his, to stop him from preparing his steed._

"_I…I need to see Elissa." Alistair's voice rose with frustration. "I must see her now!"_

"_Calm down, Alistair." Wynne replied in a low voice, trying to soothe him. "Why do you need to see her all of a sudden? Did something happen?"_

_Alistair turned to look at Wynne, his eyes full of pain. "Eamon spoke to me this morning. The bannorn are insisting that I…that I choose a Queen before the next season is over. They apparently want a royal heir as soon as possible."_

_Wynne nodded. "That is no surprise. Ferelden would be lost without the royal bloodline. The bannorn would be concerned since they serve you."_

"_To hell with bannorn!" Alistair angrily yelled, startling his horse. "I don't want some random woman they find suitable to bear my child! I want…I want Elissa!"_

_Wynne felt a surge of pity for Alistair. She always felt a connection to the young king because she always imagined her long lost son would grow up to be just like him. However, as a royal advisor, she had to make sure that he keep the best objectives in mind._

"_Alistair…I know it is difficult for you. But you must understand why Elissa left to begin with."_

_Alistair's shoulders slumped. "I…I can't believe she left the palace without saying goodbye to me."_

_Wynne nodded. "It was hard for her as well. But you must empathize that Elissa understood her duties not only as the Warden Commander but as a noble as well. It is her duty to support the crown and the people of Ferelden."_

"_Then she should serve Ferelden as Queen!" Alistair stubbornly argued, knowing full well what Wynne's reply would be._

_Wynne gave Alistair a sad smile. "How can she support you as Queen when she is unable to do the most important duty required of a Queen?"_

_Alistair remained silent and dropped his hands from the horse bridle in defeat._

_Suddenly a page boy burst into the stables and waved them both down. "Your Majesty! I have a message from the Chancellor!"_

_Alistair and Wynne glanced at each other in question. Alistair nodded at the boy. "What is it then?"_

"_The Chancellor said that you will be leaving for Vigil's Keep today. He requests that you give him some time to assemble the soldiers to accompany you into Amaranthine." The page boy relayed, still out of breath from his run._

_Wynne had to sigh at Eamon's message. He must believe that Alistair leaving the palace was unavoidable and apparently is sending an army as an escort to insure that the King will return. _

_Alistair, however, was suddenly elated to receive such news. "Thank you. Will you return to Eamon and tell him I will wait for his word."_

_The boy bowed in response and ran out as quickly as he ran in. Wynne turned to Alistair who had a gleam of hope in his eye. "I'm going to see Elissa. Maker help me, I miss her."_

_She reached over and affectionately held her hand to his cheek. "Alistair, the best advice I can give you is do not hold any expectations from what is to come. Elissa knows her duties very well...as should you."_

_Alistair returned Wynne's affection with a sad grin. "Believe me, Wynne. I know. I am not that much of an idiot." He furrowed his brow. "I simply wish to see her one more time. That is all."_

_Wynne nodded in understanding. "Do what you must and return safely back to us. Make sure to tell me if she is looking healthy and well…if not, I will rush over to Amaranthine myself to coddle her, as I should."_

_Alistair finally laughed at Wynne's demand. "I will do that. Knowing our Warden Commander, she is most likely paying more attention to kicking arse than her own health." _

Wynne sighed at the memory. She had arrived in Amaranthine under the guise to assist the city with it's recent issues in mage policies, but her real goal was to make sure that Elissa was doing well after her meeting with Alistair.

Now she was unsure of the situation at hand. It was apparent that Elissa was still hurt from her meeting with the King…but the Howe boy has thrown his mix into the lot. And from what Wynne had observed, Elissa harbors feelings for her current companion. Wynne did not know whether she should encourage her newest fraternization or advise her to let it be. Everything has gotten much more complicated than she had imagined it to be.

Elissa interrupted Wynne's inner turmoil. "I'm glad that Nathaniel and Delilah have found each other again. He hasn't seen her since he left for the Free Marches several years ago."

"Oh…yes." Wynne replied, snapping out of her reverie. "He is quite a nice young man…at least compared to Arl Howe. I suppose we should be grateful that he has grown to be quite different from his father, don't you agree?"

Elissa smiled in response. "Yes. I am glad for it as well."

* * *

Delilah was fretting over Nathaniel like a mother hen. As she adjusted his blankets in bed, he couldn't help to be in disbelief that Delilah was present and in front of his very eyes. As he looked at her, he could not help to realize that she had grown up to look exactly like their long departed mother.

"I still can't believe you're here, Delilah." Nathaniel repeated as she fluffed up his pillows.

Delilah stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "Oh? Do you still believe me to be an apparition from the fade, Nate?"

He chuckled. "Well, I'm slowly coming to terms that you are real and truly in front of me."

Delilah smiled. "I should say the same. I was so worried that you were dead in the Free Marches."

Nathaniel shook his head in despair. "I cannot believe Thomas is dead."

She nodded sadly. "Father knew the risks of sending Thomas out to the midst of the civil war. He was so young and foolhardy at the time…I still miss him so."

Nathaniel clenched his fists. He knew very well what his father had done to Thomas…he had done the same to Nathaniel when he was sent off to the Free Marches. His father seemed to think of his children as expendable when it came to furthering the Howe name.

Delilah wandered over to the window and gazed down. "I'm still very surprised to see Elissa alive and well. I'm glad for it…I was so worried that she had perished during the blight attack."

"Well, you know Elissa's stubborn personality just as well as I." Nathaniel relaxed and smiled at Delilah's observation. "It takes more than a mere archdemon to rid Ferelden of Elissa Cousland."

Delilah laughed and turned to her brother. "You are still smitten with her, aren't you?"

Nathaniel straightened himself. "What…What are you talking about?"

She shook her head and smiled. "Oh, come off it, Nate. I knew you were moony over Elissa Cousland years ago. I caught you staring at her with those wistful eyes so many times. I must confess it took me a while to learn to stomach it when I was a child."

Nathaniel sighed and laid back into his pillows. "I guess it was obvious to everyone except for Elissa herself then."

Delilah tilted her head. "Are you going to pursue her once again, brother?"

He hesitated. "I am not sure. I have declared my feelings to her…but I do not know if she is ready for them."

"Ready for your feelings?" Delilah crossed her arms and leaned against the window sill. "Why wouldn't she be ready?"

"In the years that I have been away, Elissa has found…companionship…in someone else." Nathaniel admitted uncomfortably. He has never spoken to his little sister about romance.

"Is she still with this person?" Delilah asked, intrigued.

"No. They are no longer together."

Delilah flashed a carefree grin that resembled his own. "Then what is stopping you then? You never seemed like the type of person to hold back, dear brother."

"She is the Warden Commander." Nathaniel said softly. "I am now a Grey Warden. Elissa takes her job very seriously. There is not much we can do in terms of…romantic matters…while there are darkspawn attacks continuing in Ferelden."

Delilah observed her brother who was awkwardly fidgeting in bed. He had grown up to be quite a handsome man, she thought to herself. His black hair had grown long and was tied with a thong in the back. He has filled out quite impressively…she never recalled their father being as a strapping man and wondered if Nathaniel got it from their mother's side. His steel gray eyes, like her own, were still as piercing as ever. She recalled all those times in the past where daughters of the bann had vied for his attention. But he had always ignored them…his eyes were always only for Elissa.

She thought about her husband and her darling son. She warmed at the thought of Nathaniel also finding such bliss with familial love. Delilah wondered why Elissa Cousland hasn't fallen for her brother's charms as of yet.

Delilah walked over to the bed and pat Nathaniel gently on his head. She gave him the best sisterly advice she could think of. "Nate…You have lived most of your life to make others happy. Why don't you try something different and find your own happiness?"

"It would be much easier…if my happiness wasn't being held hostage in somebody else's hands." He murmured and leaned his head against his sister's side.


	22. A Promise of No Promises

**A/N: **You guys are absolutely the best ^^ Thank you!

* * *

**A Promise of No Promises**

"Really, commander…it is not necessary for you to fuss over me like this. I will be fine." Varel insisted.

"Absolutely not." Elissa crossed her arms and watched the herbalist prepare the poultices for the Seneschal. "You saved my life, Varel. I am going to make sure you are taken care of!"

"I still cannot believe that Esmerelle was still loyal to my father." Nathaniel said in disgust. "I wondered why she was always so sickly nice to me. I apologize, Seneschal…I should have seen this coming."

Varel waved off Nathaniel's apology. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I never liked Bann Esmerelle to begin with. She is now one less obstacle to deal with while all of you deal with the darkspawn threat."

"Yes…" Anders mused, assisting the healer with preparing a healing potion. "I guess it is quite silly of us to think that the threat of the oncoming horde was more important than politics…but live and learn, eh?"

Elissa hid her anger the best she could. She could not believe that Bann Esmerelle had attempted to assassinate her in the name of the deceased Arl Howe. Varel had blocked the arrow that had been aimed for her head. She was grateful that her companions have reacted quickly to defend her from the assassins that Esmerelle had brought. Nathaniel himself had shot the arrow that killed her, in the forehead, straight and true.

Nathaniel and Anders stayed with Elissa to make sure that the Seneschal would be properly healed…and to also keep an eye out for any additional traitors that may show up to surprise them. Everyone else had retired to their respective quarters…the past few days of discoveries have been quite taxing on them all.

As the healer began to wrap Varel's wound with bandages, the Seneschal turned to Elissa with a determined gaze. "Commander, do not overly concern yourself with matters of the Keep. Your newest discoveries with the darkspawn is the major priority at the moment. We are fortunate that Sigrun has survived the joining, but you must quickly save Amaranthine from this threat as soon as possible. Please do not hesitate to let us know what needs to be done to assist you."

Elissa bent down to Varel's level with an expression of concern. "Does Vigil's Keep have enough soldiers to protect itself if I am not here?"

Varel nodded in response. "Do not worry, commander. I spoke with the King when he came to visit us that past week. He had promised to send soldiers to assist us in this time of need. I will send a runner out to Denerim tonight…there is no doubt that Amaranthine is now in danger from the darkspawn."

Nathaniel noticed that Elissa had stiffened at the mention of the King but she quickly recovered. "Good, I am glad that the King has offered his help. Request that the King send some of my former comrades as well. They will be quite useful in battle."

"And we wouldn't be?" Anders tried to sound offended to lighten the mood. "I am a bit insulted, commander."

Elissa rewarded Anders' joke with a small smile. "Well now, if I leave you all behind, who will be watching my back? You cannot expect me to take care of this threat on my own, do you?"

"I doubt you wouldn't try." Anders drawled and then turned to Nathaniel. "Isn't that just like our commander? Thinks she can handle everything on her own."

"Yes." Nathaniel murmured and gave Elissa a speculative glance. "It's quite troublesome, isn't it?"

Elissa sighed at them both but turned back to Varel. "Please be sure to make that request. They may not be Grey Wardens, but they are all quite skilled when it comes to defeating our enemy."

"I will make sure to specify your request in my correspondence, My Lady. Now please…" Varel gave a hard look at everyone in his rooms. "I am not a helpless old man who is in need of constant supervision. You all look exhausted tonight…get some much needed rest. You will all need it for the upcoming battle."

Elissa hesitated but then conceded to the Seneschal's persistence. "Then we will retire, Varel. Please send word immediately if something feels amiss."

Varel inclined his head at Elissa, Nathaniel, and Anders. "I thank you for your deep concern. Now please go and get your rest. I will see you off in the morning."

* * *

As Elissa lay in bed, she impatiently tossed and turned, waiting for sleep to come. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the broodmother lurking in the shadows, waiting for Amaranthine to put down it's guards. She saw the darkspawn overtaking the country and killing the people she vowed to protect. She saw Esmerelle's traitorous face laughing maniacally along with Rendon Howe's as the people of Ferelden were slain by the horde.

Frustrated at the images in her mind, Elissa angrily threw her pillow against the wall. She sat up in bed, drew her knees in and wrapped her arms around them. As she ground her teeth and slowly rocked herself, she willed her temper cool down. She knew within the next several days, she will have to begin her hunt to end this threat.

Elissa could not help to feel cold and alone in her bedchamber at the keep. It almost made her miss the nights when she and her old companions had camped out almost every night as they traveled around Ferelden. It was difficult to feel lonesome as the entire group set up tents as closely as possible, to fight off any attack that came at them in a moment's notice.

Elissa got up from her bed and retrieved her silk robe that she had hanging by her bedpost. She slipped on her sandals and decided to take a stroll outside to clear her head.

She left her chambers and walked slowly down the corridors of the keep. Only a few torches were kept lit during the twilight hours, which illuminated the walls with a pale glow. As she nodded at the few soldiers on late night watch, she decided to head back up to the rooftop walkway. At least up there, she would be able to get some fresh air and some privacy away from the guards.

Her steps echoed quietly up the stairways as she headed to her destination. She could already feel the refreshing breeze drift in from the open doorway. When she arrived at the walkway, she was surprised to see Nathaniel leaning over the stone railing, gazing down at the sights below. It seemed that Nathaniel was also unable to sleep as well.

He didn't notice that she was standing at the doorway. Elissa felt her inner child emerge and decided to take advantage the opportunity to scare him, just this once. She held her breath and silently crept up behind Nathaniel as his attention was elsewhere. She planned to give him a good unexpected shove from his back to surprise him. _This will be for all those times he shocked me_, she smiled to herself as she raised her hands.

Just as she was about to push at his back, Nathaniel spun around and grabbed her hands and clicked his tongue. "You can try, Elissa…but as I've told you before, you'll never be as good as me."

"Argh…You have the reflexes of a rabbit. So help me, I'll get you one day, Nathaniel Howe!" Elissa threatened jokingly.

Nathaniel grinned and let her go. "I'm sure you will. May I ask what you are doing up here? Do you have things on your mind again?"

"Yes." Elissa replied and straightened her robe. "I assume you have things on your mind as well?"

"Same problem, but not the same thoughts…most likely." Nathaniel murmured.

Elissa turned to him and smiled. "Oh? What about?"

Nathaniel sighed as he gazed at her. Her blue eyes almost glowed as it reflected the pale moonlight. Her thin silk robe billowed softly with the breeze, revealing her long naked legs. Apparently the Maker enjoyed putting his eyes through such exquisite torture.

He learned a long time ago that being direct with Elissa was the only way he would get anything through her shield of naiveté.

"My head is full and plagued with thoughts of you…" He replied in a half-teasing tone. "I've been trying to think of ways to seduce you but it's very difficult because you are so clueless. If I were not such a gentleman, I would have carried you off to my bed and pleasured you beyond your wildest dreams."

Elissa blinked. She did not see that answer coming at all. "Pleasure me?"

Her expression was so comical that Nathaniel let out a frustrated laugh. "Ah, where have I seen this before. The lovely Elissa Cousland standing before me as I confess my feelings…and she is looking at me as if I just sprung wings on my back and was ready to fly into the skies."

Elissa blushed. "I'm…sorry, Nathaniel. Believe it or not, I am not quite used to the art of innuendo."

He could not help to smile. "Are you going to reject me again, Elissa? I must say I am getting used to it…that is probably not a good sign."

Instead of joking back, Elissa's pause took Nathaniel off guard. She was biting down on her lower lip, which he knew was one of her signs that she was in deep thought. Was it possible that she was seriously considering his request?

She hesitated as she reached for his arm, gently tugging at his shirtsleeve. "As I said, Nathaniel…I am not used to the art of innuendo." Her eyes were shyly cast down. "Back in Amaranthine, you told me you loved me…was that true or were you simply jesting?"

He was touched at her question. He was not accustomed to Elissa suddenly being so timid. Nathaniel placed his fingers beneath her chin and held her face up so he could look into her eyes. "I was telling the truth, Elissa." He replied softly.

Elissa let out a trembling breath. "Nathaniel…I am no longer the pure little girl you left behind at Highever."

He gave her a small smile. "You will always be pure to me, Elissa."

She felt her heart thud loudly against her chest. She had to tell him the truth…it was only fair. She took another deep breath. "I…I still harbor feelings for Alistair."

Nathaniel then lowered his lips onto hers. As his hands slipped about her waist, Elissa's arms had unconsciously wrapped around his neck. As their lips parted, he lowered his voice to keep it from shaking. "I can help you forget."

Their lips met again, frantically and desperately. As her hands deftly unbuttoned his crisp white shirt, he quickly unwrapped her robe to reveal the thin shift she wore under it. As they fell to the ground in a frenzy, Elissa felt Nathaniel's long black hair fall over her face like rain. As she ran her hands over his naked chest, he growled in response and kissed her passionately, his tongue dancing with hers.

Nathaniel's hand slipped under her shift and she bit down on her lip to stifle a cry as he stroked her gently between her thighs. She did not want any of the guards to hear their sounds of passion and catch them in the act. The quiet whimpers that escaped Elissa's mouth were muffled by his hot kisses. Her body reacted to his touch and she twisted in excitement as his fingers caressed her below.

Her reaction was everything he had dreamed about…and more. He wanted to take his time with Elissa, seduce her slowly and sensually…but her writhing form was making it difficult for him to pace himself. Her soft hands were everywhere, leaving trails of heat wherever they touched.

As he pressed forward between her legs, Elissa suddenly broke off their kiss. Nathaniel, half-crazed with passion, found enough discipline to pause. They were face to face, panting heavily from desire.

"No promises, Nathaniel." She begged breathlessly, her eyes glazed with fervor. "This will not change anything between us."

He shook his head. "This will change everything." He whispered in response and kissed her protests into silence.

As he plunged into her, their instincts took over as she wrapped her legs around his waist to draw him in deeper. Elissa moaned as quietly as she could, her hands tightly grasped onto his open white shirt. The stones were now hot against her back as she felt her pleasure peaking with each thrust he gave.

"Nathaniel…" She muffled her cry into his shoulder as she felt the final wave of bliss wash over her. No longer able to hold back, Nathaniel kissed her deeply once more as he finally gave into his own gratifying release.

* * *

"Andraste's Mercy…" Elissa let out a low seductive laugh. "If I knew any better, I would think you were trying to get us caught."

Nathaniel was spent and lying on top of her. Even though the hard stone walkway was at her back, his weight was warm and comfortable. He was still nestled inside of her…and made no attempt to move from his position.

Nathaniel smiled and trailed kisses along her neck. She let out a small sigh. "Let them catch us. I have been fantasizing about this moment for years. Nobody can ruin this moment for me."

Elissa laughed softly again. She took Nathaniel's face between her hands and gazed straight into his gray eyes. She gave him a small tentative smile. "I meant what I said before, Nathaniel. No promises. Nothing has changed."

He grinned and ran his thumb across her lips. "And I meant what I said as well…everything has changed, my dear."

Nathaniel suddenly rolled over to his back and pulled Elissa on top of him, still keeping himself inside her warmth. She let out a small squeal in response, which was quickly abated by another passionate kiss. When their lips parted, he leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "I vowed to make you happy, Elissa. I will stand by it. I will help you forget about him."

A sharp pang of guilt and sorrow cut through her like a knife. She still had feelings for Alistair, that much was true, but Nathaniel knew and understood. Both were well aware that one night of passion was not a promise…but Elissa's heart faltered as saw the resolve on his face.

As Nathaniel drew her in for another warm embrace, her thoughts slowly numbed away as he continued to make love to her on the rooftops of Vigil's Keep.


	23. Sickness

**Sickness**

Their armor and weapons clattered as they ran up the palace steps. They were covered in dirt and dried blood, but they paid their appearance no mind. They burst through the large doors, a large crash announcing their presence echoed through the main hall. They ignored the startled nobles who stuttered greetings towards them as they rushed towards the throne room.

The King was sitting at his throne, in deep discussion with his Chancellor and advisor. The conversation immediately halted as the two soldiers ran up to the King and quickly knelt down in respect. They took off their helmets, one revealing long golden hair and the other fiery red.

"Zevran! Leliana! You're both back!" Alistair exclaimed, standing up from the throne.

They both rose up from their knees and smiled wearily.

Leliana nodded at Alistair. "It is done. The Warden Commander has saved us all yet again."

"With a little help from us both. But I must say, protecting the Keep was quite boring compared to slaying the archdemon, yes?" Zevran turned to his companion and grinned.

Eamon let out an exhale of relief and Wynne whispered her thanks to the Maker. Alistair strode over to his returned advisors and threw his arms around their shoulders, drawing them close for a tight hug. "Andraste's Holy Grace…I am glad you are both safe!"

Leliana laughed. "We are glad as well. Although what we did was paltry compared to what Elissa has done to save Amaranthine."

Alistair backed up and gave them both an anxious look. "How is Elissa? Is she okay?!"

Zevran nodded. "She is quite fine. She was exhausted when she returned to Vigil's Keep. They confirmed that the darkspawn threat in the north has been defeated. She was sleeping like the dead when we left to give you the good news."

Wynne stepped up, her face full of concern. "How exhausted was she? How did she look?"

Leliana turned to Wynne. "She looked like…well…like she had just fought a million darkspawn. She was so worn out that her comrades were half-carrying her back to the Keep. She didn't seem to be heavily injured...but she was so fatigued I don't even know if she realizes that we won."

Eamon glanced at Alistair whose face was twisted with worry. The Chancellor cleared his throat and inclined his head at Leliana and Zevran. "Thank you both for your support…I am also glad you are both well."

Zevran chuckled and crossed his arms. "We would have done anything for our sweet Elissa. I was actually a bit disappointed that we couldn't go and slay that 'mother' with her…but pleased she entrusted us with the duty of protecting her home."

Alistair nodded and turned to Eamon. "I wish to ride out to Amaranthine right now. I would like to make sure that the Commander is well and the city is safe."

"Your Majesty…you cannot drop everything and leave Denerim. You still have other important matters to resolve…" Eamon's voice became firm. "Including the choosing your future bride."

"How is all that mess more important than celebrating the Warden Commander's rescue of Amaranthine?!" Alistair demanded.

"Your Majesty, we cannot continue to push this off…you must choose a Queen."

Wynne spoke up to prevent another heated argument between the King and his Chancellor. "May I suggest we throw the Wardens a celebration in Denerim then? We can welcome our saviors to the palace and throw a magnificent gathering in their honor."

Eamon conceded. "That sounds much more appropriate. I second that idea."

"Ah, another party. That sounds quite fun." Leliana nodded her head in agreement.

Alistair's brow furrowed, he was still concerned for Elissa's well-being. Leliana and Zevran's report did not ease his worrying. "That is fine then. Let us begin preparations for a celebration in honor of the Grey Wardens saving Ferelden once again." He then turned to Wynne. "But while we are in planning, may I request something of you?"

Wynne smiled and gently placed her hand on his arm. "Would you like me to go check on her?"

Alistair nodded. "If you could…because I am unable to ride out myself. I want to make sure that she is well."

"I will leave immediately." Wynne replied.

Zevran gave a casual shrug and grinned at everyone. "Knowing our beautiful Warden, she has most likely recovered by now. It was nothing compared to what she has faced before. She is most likely back to her charming self, ready to take on the next big fight that comes her way."

* * *

Elissa's face was in the chamber pot, heaving up the dinner she ate the night before. Unfortunately, Anders had the duty of holding up her sweaty, stringy hair while she vomited. He tried to concentrate on the hanging tapestry on the wall while he rubbed his commander's back.

"There, there now. Thatta girl. You'll feel much better now that it's all out of your system." He encouraged awkwardly, keeping his eyes averted.

Elissa wiped her mouth on a linen kerchief and slowly stood up, leaning against Anders for support. "Ugh…thank you. I'm sorry you had to see that…"

"Yes, yes." Anders sighed as he led her back to bed. "You know…Nathaniel would have been more than happy to care for you if you would let him."

"Absolutely not!" Elissa weakly shook her head as Anders tucked her into her blankets. "I can't risk anyone else catching this sweating sickness!"

"And _I _am okay to infect?!" Anders rolled his eyes.

"You're the safest one. Weren't you always bragging about being so healthy and never getting sick when you were a child? That's all you were going on about when we were mucking around in that disgusting swamp." Elissa mumbled, feeling her fever flare up again.

"The one time you all bother listening to me." Anders muttered and put his hand onto Elissa's forehead. "I was not expecting to play nursemaid to you as part of the celebration after we killed that nauseating Broodmother."

Elissa sighed in relief as he conjured up a small frost spell into his fingers to cool her fever. "I'm grateful to you, Anders. I would never be able to vomit in front of Nathaniel…can you imagine how mortifying that is?"

"Lucky me." Anders sarcastically replied but kept his cold hand to Elissa's forehead.

It was quite funny to everyone that the Great Hero of Ferelden, who has defeated mobs of darkspawn, groups of bandits, and even the bloody archdemon…has fallen ill to a minor case of the sweat. Even the serving staff gave Elissa's room wide girth in fear of catching her disease. Anders wasn't surprised…they were wallowing in filth and slime as they were tracking down the broodmother nest. Elissa was bound to catch something terrible considering she had been depriving herself of sleep and regular meals for the past several weeks.

Elissa insisted that her companions stay out of her room until the fever went away. Even though they had easily agreed to her demand, they decided to volunteer Anders to take care of her...mostly due to a prejudiced belief that circle mages were immune to all diseases.

"Well, it looks like your temperature is going down a bit." He declared and lifted his hand away. "I'll go and get the cook to make you something you can stomach."

Elissa murmured her thanks and closed her eyes. Her small snores followed immediately after. Anders left the room and shut the door quietly behind him. As usual, Nathaniel had been standing outside in the hallways, waiting for an update.

"How is she?" Nathaniel asked, his face weary.

"She's fine. Still has a bit of the bug. Everyone's blown this sickness too far out of proportion. To be fair, I think she is sick because of overworking herself." Anders sighed and began walking towards the kitchens. Nathaniel followed behind him.

"She has been in dire need of sleep." Nathaniel frowned.

"Speaking of which…" Anders turned around and crossed his arms. "Don't you think you should be getting some as well? Since we've gotten back to Vigil's Keep, you've only gotten a wink or two of sleep. Hurry up and go to bed. The commander will be fine."

Nathaniel ran his hand through his long hair. "I guess you're right. I can't do much good anyway. The daft woman won't let any of us near her other than you."

"Yes…lucky me." Anders repeated flatly. "I can't believe you all are making me do this. It's not like _I'm_ getting anything out of it like you are."

Nathaniel snapped attention at Anders' quip. "What?! What do you mean by that?"

"Ugh." Anders groaned. "Don't play dumb. You'd have to be blind as a bat and stupid as a templar to not notice that there is something going on between you both."

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. "How did you find out?"

"Please, Nathaniel. It's plainly obvious…the way you both act around each other. I am grateful you are both kind enough not to do your…business…within earshot. So I gratefully request you continue to do so. I think it's the only way I'd be able to get sleep at night." Anders casually replied as if he were commenting on the weather.

Nathaniel slapped the palm of his hand to his face. "Maker help us…I thought we were careful. But if an idiot like yourself was able to figure it out, that means everyone else knows it as well."

Anders shrugged and changed the subject. "I'm going to get her some food and will go to bed myself. Go to sleep, Nathaniel. It doesn't do her any good to have you pace back and forth outside her chambers."

Nathaniel sighed and gave in. "All right. You win. Make sure to wake me up as soon as anything happens though."

Anders waved him off. "Right, right…I will let you know immediately when she tries to break her own record of fifteen vomits in one hour. Goodnight, Nathaniel."

* * *

The people of Vigil's Keep were busily about, repairing the damage that was done from the recent darkspawn attack. They paid little attention to their newest visitors. Wynne arrived with a few Denerim soldiers that served as her escort. As she approached the gates, she was surprised when Elissa wasn't the first to come out and greet her when she arrived at Vigil's Keep.

"Why hello there, Wynne! You're looking as gorgeous as usual!" Oghren hailed, as if he were waiting for her arrival.

"Good to see you, Oghren." Wynne smiled at her old companion. She gave a nod to her guards and they quickly dispersed to assist the Amaranthine soldiers with the repairs.

"Couldn't stay away from me, could you?" Oghren snorted, walking up to her.

Wynne let out a small chuckle. "I'm on business today. I'm here to check on our Hero of Ferelden…where is she?"

Oghren led her to the Keep and opened the heavy wooden door. "Err…she's a bit…indisposed at the moment."

"What do you mean?" Wynne asked, walking into the entranceway. Oghren quickly slammed the door behind him and motioned her to follow him into one of the corridors.

"The commander is sick with the sweats." Oghren said gruffly. "She's been in her rooms ever since we got back here. Refuses to let anyone near her because she doesn't want us catching what she's got."

Wynne immediately got concerned. "You don't have any healers at the Keep?"

"Of course we do!" He grunted. "That stupid mage is the only one that's allowed to go in and out. He says she's okay…but she's still puking all over the place. Her fever has been coming and going."

"Poor girl, she probably worked herself too hard." Wynne noted. "I will make sure to examine her, myself."

"Good. Glad you came by…it doesn't feel right to have the commander missing while the rest of us party! Puts a sour taste in the drink, if you know what I mean." Oghren guffawed and finally stopped at a door. He banged on the door with his fist. "Hey! Open up you cross-dressing freak! I got a real healer here for the commander!"

Anders opened the door and glared at Oghren. "You know, making a lot of noise doesn't really help the patient!"

"Yeah, yeah." Oghren jerked his head towards Wynne. "You've met her back then when we were at that chantry."

"Hello again, Anders." Wynne greeted the mage.

"Likewise. I would like to apologize for subjecting you to the dwarf's company for so long." He replied.

"Bah, whatever, you little nug-humper." Oghren turned on his heel and walked back the way he came. "I'm going to go drink some more of that ale they brought in from the city this morning. Let me know when the boss is all well again so she can join me."

As soon as Oghren left earshot, Wynne and Anders both let out a sigh of relief. She turned to Anders and smiled. "I'm sorry to have taken so long. May I take a look at Elissa?"

"Please do. Maybe you would know what to do with her." Anders ushered her inside and closed the door.

Elissa was lying in bed, covers were scattered erratically all over her. When she sensed the extra company, she opened her eyes and gave her old friend a weak grin. "Wynne! You're here!"

"Of course I am. I wanted to visit my favorite Grey Warden in all of Ferelden." Wynne approached the bed and ran her head over Elissa's forehead. She was a bit feverish, but nothing serious. "I can see you have fallen sick…how ill do you feel?"

"Not too badly. But I don't want the others to get sick. I've been wretching up my meals as quickly as I've been eating them." Elissa told her grimly.

Anders joined the conversation. "I gave her some small doses of potions that the herbalist has made…but she ends up vomiting those up as well."

Wynne nodded in understanding and gave Elissa a smile. "Well, will you allow me to check on you then? Let's see what you've caught so I can figure out what needs to be done to get you back to your healthy self."

Elissa complied and tossed the covers to the side. Anders stood by and watched, waiting to see what the elder mage would be able to deduce from the symptoms. Wynne checked several of her vital signs and furrowed her brow as she immediately noticed something out of place.

"Elissa…tell me if this feels sore." She said and lightly rubbed a spot on Elissa's chest.

"Ah…that feels a bit tender." Elissa gave a worried look to Wynne. "Do you know what I've come down with?"

Wynne had to step back and crossed her arms. The symptoms did not make sense to her. _It is not possible that Elissa has gotten herself in this condition_, she thought as she drummed her fingers against her arms, wondering if there was something she was overlooking.

Elissa suddenly sprung out of bed and ran for the chamber pot against the wall. On queue, Anders quickly ran over to keep her from falling over as she wretched. He muttered his encouragement as he rubbed her back. Wynne's eyes widened as she observed Elissa…_no, it can't be!_

"I'm sorry, Wynne. It's quite disgusting, isn't it?" Elissa panted as Anders helped her back on her feet. She looked up and saw Wynne's anxious expression and paused.

Anders also noticed the look on her face. "What? What is it? Do you know what she has, Wynne? It's not something terrible, is it?"

Wynne pursed her lips. "I think I know what is wrong with you…but I am not sure I can believe it myself."

The mage's nervousness began to make her uneasy. Elissa tightened her hold on Anders' arm. "What's wrong with me, Wynne? Am I going to die from this sickness?"

The elder mage shook her head as she moved towards her. Wynne lifted her hand and gently placed it on Elissa's stomach. "My dear…I do not know how it is possible…but I believe you are with child."


	24. Miracle

**Miracle**

Elissa backed away from the mages as she clutched at her stomach. "That's impossible! It can't be done!"

Anders simply stood wide-eyed in shock while Wynne tried to calm Elissa down. "I believe this is the reason why you have been so ill recently. You are showing all the signs."

Elissa kept shaking her head. "But…I am a Grey Warden. The taint! It its impossible for me to bear a child!"

"I do not know much about the Grey Warden taint…" Wynne reached out and took Elissa's shaking hands into her own. "But it is not impossible. There are stories of female Grey Wardens who have borne children. It is very unlikely…very rare…but not impossible."

Elissa couldn't accept it. They might as well have told her that pigs could fly. On that night that Eamon had told her that she would never be able to become a mother…she had acknowledged the cold truth and accepted her fate. Wasn't that the lesson the Maker had shown her on the night Highever was destroyed? If bad circumstances occur, you get over what has been done and move on towards the future.

"Elissa…are you okay?" Wynne asked, her voice full of concern.

Elissa didn't even realize she had been crying until Wynne had wiped a tear off her cheek. She began to pace about her room, her hands over her stomach. _A child…my child, _she repeated to herself in her thoughts. It was still unbelievable. Anders and Wynne watched the commander walk back and forth, wondering what was going through her mind.

Suddenly, Elissa let out a burst of laughter and hugged herself tightly. Her laughter was so joyful that it brought more tears to her eyes. She was with child! She was so elated she felt she could walk on air. She was almost skipping about the chambers, cradling her stomach as if the baby was already in her arms. It was a miracle, there was no doubt about it.

Anders and Wynne looked at her as if she had gone daft. Elissa stopped skipping and smiled brilliantly at them both. "I'm going to be a mother! I can't believe it! I thought it was never going to happen…but it did!"

Anders did not want to be a killjoy but he had an awful feeling nagging in his gut. He cleared his throat and turned to Wynne. "Do you know how far along she is…?"

Wynne looked Elissa over, her eyes narrowed as she made her analysis. "It has been no longer than a season…best estimate would be a several weeks. Unfortunately I cannot tell you the exact time."

Anders gave Elissa an awkward stare. "Commander…" He asked uncomfortably. "If you are along several weeks…is it…Nathaniel's child?"

Elissa froze as soon as Anders spoke. An ice cold feeling ran down her spine as she realized Anders' intention in his question. Both mages were staring at her with worry, watching Elissa's expression turn from happiness to bewilderment.

Wynne said it has not been a season yet…Elissa slowly sank down on her knees. During that time, she had been with Alistair when he came to visit the Keep. She had been with Nathaniel several days afterwards. The baby could just as easily be Alistair's child as it is Nathaniel's. She covered her face with her hands as she finally grasped the entire situation. Her feelings of joy were quickly replaced by the harsh reality of panic.

Wynne immediately kneeled beside her, patting at Elissa's hair. "My dear…who is the father?"

Elissa looked at her old friend with fear in her eyes. "I…I do not know." She whispered, ashamed.

"Could it be Alistair's as well?" Wynne pressed on.

Elissa tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "It might…but it might not be. Oh Maker…Wynne…I'm so sorry!"

Wynne quickly embraced Elissa into her arms, cradling her as if she were a little girl. "Do not apologize to me. It will be okay."

Elissa shook her head, still in terrified shock over her revelation. "Maker's breath, Wynne…I do not know who the child belongs to. I am nothing more than a common harlot…an abomination!"

"You are not!" Wynne firmly grasped Elissa's shoulder. "Think of the baby before you say something so awful. This does not make the occasion any less than a blessing."

Anders knelt down to the floor as well, facing them both. "Commander…there is a way to find out who the father of child is." He offered slowly, still feeling a bit embarrassed.

Elissa lifted her eyes at Anders and Wynne pressed her lips together to form a hard line. "Are you speaking of the spell of birthright?"

Anders nodded at the senior mage. "I'm sure you know about it, Wynne. It was one of those things that I picked up while I was at the tower." He turned to Elissa. "There is a small ritual, which one could use to determine a child's parentage."

Elissa blinked in disbelief. "Such a spell exists?"

Wynne sighed, feeling torn by Anders' suggestion. "At the tower, there are many situations where there are…trysts…between mages and templars. They sometimes have to use the spell of birthright in order to sufficiently prove the parentage of a child born to a mage. It is rarely used unless it is an emergency, it is considered to be…blood magic."

"Blood magic?" Elissa whispered, her hands reflexively moved to her stomach.

"Very minor blood magic." Anders persuaded. "Nothing evil. A very simple spell if all the right components are present. I've seen it done while I was there a few years back."

"_Minor _blood magic?" Elissa repeated.

Anders nodded. "The ritual cannot be done until the child is born. A small sample of blood is needed from the parents and the baby."

Wynne tentatively placed her hand on Elissa's. "I normally do not condone the practice of blood magic…but this may be necessary. If the child belongs to Alistair, it can become the new possible heir to the throne."

Elissa felt the blood drain from her face. "The heir to the throne…the child to the King…I didn't think of that."

Anders gave Elissa a look of concern as well. "I may not know much about politics…but if the child belongs to Nathaniel, wouldn't it end up being the heir to both Amaranthine and Highever? The Couslands don't have an heir themselves, don't they?"

Elissa felt herself getting dizzy. Anders was also correct…as a Cousland, her child would most likely end up inheriting the authority of both Amaranthine and Highever. She could only imagine the shock her parents must be experiencing while observing her from the heavens…A Howe inheriting the Cousland title!

"Please, we need to slow down." Elissa kneeled on the floor, leaning forward onto her hands. "My child isn't even born yet!"

Anders obliged her request and kept his other opinions to himself. Wynne held back with greater effort. Upsetting Elissa was not going to help her health any. The child Elissa was carrying was destined to carry a grand future. But which one?

Elissa felt her mind race as she considered all the paths that were lay out to her. Alistair…her first love, her knight, and Ferelden's King. Nathaniel…her best friend, her protector, and her second in command. How would she be able to tell either of them of what has happened? How would they believe her?

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. As she lay her hand on her stomach, she knew that her child was now her very first priority. The Maker has given her a miracle, and she was determined to do her best for it.

Elissa reached out and grabbed the hands of the two mages. "Wynne…Anders…please swear to me that this news does not leave this chamber!" She begged with desperation in her blue eyes.

Wynne and Anders shared a confused glance before turning to Elissa. "My dear…" Wynne squeezed Elissa's fingers. "You will need to tell them. They would have the right to claim the child as their own."

"I know." Elissa agreed sadly. "But telling them now will accomplish nothing. The child is not born yet and I am unsure who would be the father. If we tell them both now, this will cause nothing but unnecessary pain and expectation."

"But Commander…" Anders swallowed nervously. "Speaking strictly as a man…I would like to think that even if it was quite speculative, I would like to know if there was a possibility that a child may be mine."

Elissa looked at her fellow Warden with a straight gaze. "I do this because it is in the best interests of the child. If there is a possibility of this child being the next heir to the throne or to Highever itself, we must not let it be known. What would happen when it turns out to be one rather than the other? It would cause much strife amongst the people. We must keep this secret!"

Wynne considered Elissa's words. "She is correct." Wynne agreed reluctantly and turned to Anders. "If word got out about Elissa possibly carrying the King's child, it would be disastrous if the baby is born and found to have a different father. I'm quite sure it would be the other way as well."

"Please, Anders." Elissa pleaded. "I beg of this, not as your Commander, but as a friend. Swear to me you will not tell anyone about this."

Anders let out a loud exhale of frustration. "Even if I do swear…don't you think it would be obvious in a few seasons when you start showing?"

Elissa nodded and rose to her feet. "I am going to leave for Highever. I will leave Amaranthine in temporary care to the Seneschal and Nathaniel."

Wynne gave Elissa worrisome look. "You realize that this is just a temporary solution, at best. The King is planning on a celebration in Denerim for you and the Grey Wardens."

"He will have to have the celebration without me. Please just relay the message that I will not be available to attend the festivities." Elissa replied, feeling a pang of guilt. "I know it is a temporary answer…but for now, this is the best I can do for my child. I will not allow a baby be caught up in a political disaster before it is even born. I'm sorry I have to request such a thing from you both."

Anders and Wynne inclined their heads. "Whatever you think is best, Commander." Anders murmured.

* * *

Elissa had finished bathing and was putting on her armor when Nathaniel barged into her rooms unannounced. She did not react to the noise of the door slamming behind him, she simply continued to strap on her leather boots.

"What is this I hear about you leaving Amaranthine?" Nathaniel demanded. "Anders has just told the Seneschal that you will be riding out to Highever tonight!"

"Indeed I am." Elissa kept her head down, pretending to be indifferent.

"Will you give me a sane reason as to why you are suddenly doing it?! You are ill!"

Elissa walked over to the vanity drawers and observed herself in the mirror. She did her best to avoid Nathaniel's gaze in the reflection, praying that she would not give herself away. Elissa began to tie up her chestnut hair with a ribbon. "I am well now, thanks to Wynne. But we have just defeated a difficult enemy…I think I am entitled to a bit of time to spend with my brother."

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. "What are you really up to, Elissa? Don't think you can fool me with such an excuse."

Elissa winced at his accusation. Nathaniel was too sharp, as always. "It is the truth. I have not seen Highever in a long time. I would like to see Fergus."

Nathaniel approached her from behind and slid his hands around her waist. Elissa felt her heartbeat quicken as his hands neared her stomach. "Elissa, you aren't trying to avoid me again…are you? We haven't been alone since that night we left the Keep."

She felt the blood rush to her face from the memory. She cleared her throat to cover the embarrassment. "Of course I'm not avoiding you." She lied, her chest aching dully from the shame.

Nathaniel still held her in his arms and laid his chin on top of her head. She felt his long hair tickle her forehead. "I heard the King is planning an event in Denerim for us Grey Wardens. Is that the reason why you are leaving? So you can avoid seeing him?"

Elissa shook her head and stepped away from his embrace. "I regret not being able to attend such a celebration, but as I said…I miss my brother. Please be sure to escort Wynne back to Denerim safely and give the King my regards." She looked up at him and gave a small smile. "And make sure Oghren does not drink too heavily. When we had that party after slaying the archdemon, he had drunken himself into a stupor and had run about the palace without his pants. I'm sure both Valenna and Sigrun do not wish to see such a sight as well, so they will be able to assist you."

Nathaniel crossed his arms and observed Elissa. He was suspicious…her body language was the same like the time he had confessed to her before leaving for the Free Marches. Elissa was avoiding his eyes and acting as if she were hiding something. Was she nervous because she realized that he would pursue her now that the darkspawn threat was over?

As Elissa opened her chamber door, Nathaniel called to her. "Don't think you can run from me, Elissa. I told you that I love you…and I will bring you back if you do not return."

Elissa felt the ache flare up in her heart again. She turned around to look Nathaniel straight in his gray eyes and gave him the most genuine smile she could muster. "And here I thought you would leap at the opportunity to be in charge of Amaranthine once again. I am going to go discuss matters with the Seneschal before I leave…please take care of everything while I am away, Nathaniel. I trust you."

Nathaniel gave her a steely gaze in response. "Be sure to come back, Elissa. You cannot hide from me forever."

* * *

**A/N: **The end is coming soon in a couple chapters~ but I confess I am on the fence on both Alistair and Nathaniel at this point. When I started writing this, I thought I would eventually decide on which would end up with Elissa in the end...but both are so important that I'm having trouble deciding! T_T If you have any opinions, by all means, let me know! It would help make my decision much easier =)

As always, thanks so much for your input! Your support helped me push through this story (And probably the best reason why it's gotten so long!) XD


	25. Home

**Home**

Elissa arrived at Highever the next night. The sun had begun to set on the horizon, making the re-built city walls glow in a faint orange hue. From the outside, it looked like Fergus had kept his word and repaired the buildings to their former glory. She smiled in relief and placed her hand over her stomach protectively. "Looks like we're home." She murmured to her child and she nudged her horse forward to the city gates.

"Who goes there?!" A guard shouted upon the walls.

"I am Lady Elissa Cousland, sister to Teyrn Fergus Cousland!" She replied, stopping at the bridge leading to the entrance. The iron gate was down, blocking her entry.

She heard the guard almost stutter as he yelled to his fellow guards. "O-Oy! It's Lady Cousland! Open the gates!"

She heard several guards shout in surprise and then the gates slowly opened, allowing her passage into Highever. She rode in and was immediately surrounded by several soldiers…happily cheering at her return. She blushed at the attention and was ecstatic to recognize several faces.

"Lady Elissa Cousland! Thank the Maker, you are well!" One guard opened his helmet, revealing his red hair and gave her a wide grin.

"Ser Gilmore! You are alive?!" She cried at the soldier, near falling off her mount in shock. "I thought you had perished during the attack!"

"It takes more than a troop of Howes to kill me." Ser Gilmore laughed and motioned to the others. "Make way everyone, let Lady Cousland through! She is here to see the Teyrn!"

Grateful for their welcome, she gave them all a brilliant smile. The horse trotted down the cobblestone streets as Ser Gilmore escorted her down towards the castle. She looked around her surroundings with marvel. Any evidence of Arl Howe's attack was gone. The buildings and the streets were rebuilt beautifully…it looked exactly as it did before the city had fallen. It gave her a warm feeling of pride to know that the people of Highever were so resilient.

"You haven't seen Highever since it began it's rebuilding, haven't you, My Lady?" The soldier asked, smiling at Elissa's awe.

"I am more surprised at how you have survived." Elissa responded in disbelief. "Where have you been?"

Ser Gilmore shook his head. "It is not a heartwarming tale…After the attack on Highever, many of us were taken prisoner by Howe's men. We were all sent to a prison near Waking Sea under the guise of traitors. I was not released up until a season ago…the Teyrn had found us. Apparently he had been searching for as many survivors as he could." He explained, his voice radiating gratitude towards his Teyrn.

"I am so glad that you are here. I believed that all of the people of Highever were lost to us." Elissa reached down and held her hand to the soldier. Ser Gilmore immediately took it and gave it a small squeeze.

"I swear my loyalty to the Couslands, My Lady. We will all stand behind you until the very end."

Elissa felt reassured by Ser Gilmore's pledge. Warden Commander, Arlessa of Amaranthine, Hero of Ferelden were simply titles that had been rewarded for her duties…in the end, her true identity would remain being Lady Elissa Cousland of Highever. No matter who the father was, her child will also be a Cousland of Highever.

As they approached the castle, a familiar shout came from the doors. "Elissa!"

"Fergus!" Elissa happily waved at the Teyrn running up to her horse. She quickly dismounted into his open arms and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so!"

"So have I! Would it kill you to send me a correspondence?" He chastised jokingly and turned to Ser Gilmore. "Please take the horse to the stables. I will see to Elissa's comfort from here on."

The solider bowed low in reply and led the horse away. Fergus and Elissa walked hand in hand into the castle. Inside, she could not help to gape at what she saw. Like the city, the castle looked just as it did before that fateful night. She had to swallow back the tears and the memories came flowing back.

"What do you think?" Fergus asked, smiling at his sister's reaction.

"It's so beautiful. It looks exactly the same as it was before…" She whispered, looking at the furnishings and tapestries. "Everything is just how it looked before the attack. How were you able to rebuild everything so quickly, Fergus?"

Fergus led his sister to a chair and sat her down. "Beautiful, isn't it? But I cannot take all the credit for this. The king has been quite generous with his support. What should have taken several years, the King has helped us accomplish this restoration within several months."

Elissa paled at Fergus' explanation. "Alistair…I mean, the King? He helped us?"

Fergus gave his sister a soft smile. "Very much so. He has sent massive amounts of workers and funds our way to help bring Highever back to it's former glory. He had personally came by several times to oversee the progress. I tried to protest the generosity, but he had insisted upon it. He said the Hero of Ferelden deserved to have her home back. He's quite kind, isn't he?"

Elissa bit down on her lip to keep her tears at bay. "Very kind." She agreed.

"Yes, well…seeing how you turned down his proposal, I'm surprised he didn't burn what was left of the castle down to the ground." Fergus joked and he sat down on the chair across from hers.

She gave him a sad smile in reply. "He's a good King. I'm glad that he is the one on the throne."

"As am I. Much better than Loghain, that's for bloody sure." Fergus snorted and sat back on his chair. "Now tell me, why have you suddenly arrived at our doorstep? I just received word from a runner in Denerim. The King is informing the bann of a massive celebration being planned at the palace for your newest victory over the darkspawn."

Elissa looked into her brother's eyes with a worried expression. "Fergus, I came because I am in need of your help."

Her brother quickly leaned forward. "What is it? If it's anything I can do within my power, you know I will do it, Elissa."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. If she couldn't depend on her brother in a situation as dire as this, then she had no one else to turn to. She opened her eyes and gave him a firm stare. "Fergus…I am with child."

Fergus did not react to the news…on the contrary, he was frozen in place. After several minutes, his brow slowly arched in question. "With child? How…how are you with child? How did this happen?"

Elissa let out an exasperated breath. "Fergus, do I really need to inform you where babies come from?"

Fergus closed his eyes in confusion and put up his hands. "Wait, wait. Didn't you turn down the King's proposal because Grey Wardens are unable to bear children?"

"Yes…they normally are. This shouldn't have happened…but it did. This is nothing short of a miracle." Elissa explained.

His eyes snapped open followed by a wide grin. "This is wonderful news, Elissa!" He rose from his chair and extended his arms. "You! With child! And mother was terrified of you becoming a spinster! It is the King's, is it not? My word, a Cousland child will inherit the throne!"

Elissa grabbed Fergus' arm. "Brother, you need to let me finish…this is not the good news as you may believe it to be!"

Fergus gave her a perplexed expression and sat back down in his chair. "What? What are you talking about, Elissa?"

Elissa cast her eyes down. "The child…it could be the King's…but it could also belong to another as well…"

Fergus remained silent for a moment and ran his fingers through his chestnut hair. "So…you do not know who the father of the child is?"

Elissa nodded, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry, brother. I am not certain that this child belongs to the King or the other man."

Another moment of silence passed between them and then Fergus let out a baffled laugh of disbelief. "I cannot believe my little sister is such a little minx. I guess I should take back the jest about you becoming a spinster." He then gave her a hard stare. "Who is the other man?"

Elissa had been dreading this part of her confession. "You will not like what I have to say…but you must hear me out to the end. It is…somebody that you would not expect."

Fergus blanched. "My word, Elissa. It wasn't…Oghren, was it?!"

"What?! Of course not!"

Fergus sighed in relief. "Thank the Maker. Then who is it?"

Elissa pursed her lips. "The child could also belong to…Nathaniel Howe."

Fergus blinked in shock. He brought his hands to his face and shook his head. "I…I think I would have preferred the drunken dwarf."

Elissa reached over and took hold of Fergus' hand. "I know it is difficult for you to understand, but Nathaniel is now a Grey Warden…he helped me with so much, Fergus!"

"His father killed our family and ruined Highever!" Fergus roared, his voice echoed against the walls.

"I know that, but Nathaniel had nothing to do with what his father has done! He was in Free Marches when it occurred. I swear to you…Nathaniel is a good man and he has saved my life many times throughout my fight against the darkspawn. If Nathaniel wanted to kill me, I would have been dead by now."

"Wasn't Nathaniel Howe that boy who always made those doe-eyes at you?" Fergus rubbed at his temples, trying to recall Nathaniel's face.

"Yes." Elissa nodded sullenly. "He was the one who confessed to me before he left for Free Marches."

"Oh Maker." Fergus muttered as he lifted his eyes upward. "So the Cousland heir could possibly be a Howe. Lovely."

Elissa tightened her grip on her brother's hand. "Fergus, I need to stay hidden here. No one can find out about this child until we can determine who the father is. You of all people would know how this will cause terrible political turmoil if it is discovered."

Fergus gave his sister a pained look. "Yes…I know. This will not only affect Highever, but it could also affect all of Ferelden."

Elissa leaned forward. "I need to protect my child. Will you help me, Fergus?"

Her brother let out a huge sigh and took both her hands into his. "My word, Elissa…you never stop making trouble, do you?" He let out a strained chuckle. "Andraste's mercy, let us pray that we can get through this together. After all, you are carrying the child that will inherit the Cousland name."

* * *

"You're hiding something, Anders." Nathaniel stated quietly.

"What?! No, I'm not! What could I possibly be hiding?!" Anders stuttered his denial.

The Wardens have all safely arrived in Denerim. Wynne had immediately led them to the palace upon their arrival and quickly ordered the servants to see to all their comforts. As soon a page boy urgently whispered a message into her ear, Wynne had excused herself and promised to return shortly.

They all attempted to relax in one of the palace's parlor rooms. Oghren immediately made himself at home by breaking open one of the untapped barrels of wine that were stacked by the entrance. Valenna stretched herself out on one of the heavily cushioned benches. Sigrun was inspecting the various pieces of art that were placed around the room.

Anders had been staring out from one of the windows when Nathaniel confronted him with his accusation.

"You have been jittery since we left Amaranthine. I have traveled with you long enough to know that you only become like this when you are hiding something. Out with it. What do you know?" Nathaniel glared at the mage.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Anders insisted, trying to keep his attention on the palace grounds outside the window.

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. "You're hiding something about Elissa, aren't you?"

Anders felt a lump in his throat. Nathaniel was much too observant for his liking. He cursed himself for making such a promise to the Commander. "I'm not hiding anything."

"I'm going to find out sooner or later, Anders. You might as well save yourself the trouble and tell me what is going on this instant." Nathaniel warned.

The loud sound of the door creaking open had saved Anders from digging himself into a deeper hole. Everyone looked over to the doorway to see Zevran and Leliana stride in with wide smiles on their faces.

"Ah! The Wardens are all here. It's good to see you all again. We were sorry to leave Amaranthine so quickly in order to give the King the good news of your victory." Zevran bowed low to the room. "We thank you for joining us for the celebration in your honor."

"Thank you for having us." Sigrun replied courteously.

"Well…it is good to see you have made yourselves at home…" Leliana said as she looked over at Oghren, already drunk on the storage wine. "Wynne had just told us that the Warden Commander will be unable to make it."

"Yes, quite a shame." Nathaniel agreed and gave a searing look at Anders. "She is currently visiting Teyrn Cousland in Highever."

Leliana did not catch Anders' cringe. "Yes, I'm a bit sad, but it's good that she is visiting her brother. But it is no matter. This is a celebration for all of you Grey Wardens of Ferelden. Even though I am a bit sad Elissa could not be here, it will be festive, nonetheless. Is there anything I can get for you all at the moment? The palace servants are preparing your rooms as we speak."

"Actually…yes." Nathaniel stepped up to the bard. "Do you think I could get a private audience with the King? I would like to discuss certain matters regarding Amaranthine with him."

Anders sucked in a breath. He was sure that a conversation between Nathaniel and the King would not go over well…with or without the knowledge of the unborn child that Elissa was carrying.

"I'm sure I can arrange that. Why don't you come with me and I can walk you over to his study?" Leliana looked over at Zevran who was already shamelessly flirting with the stoic Valenna. "Keep the Wardens entertained, will you, Zevran?"

"I absolutely shall." He replied with his usual flair and went back to his attempts at romancing the elven mage.

"Let us go then." Leliana smiled at Nathaniel and led him out of the parlor.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Anders let out the breath he had been holding in. "That stubborn fool…everything is already complicated enough without him confronting the King about other matters! Maker help them both, I do not envy Nathaniel or the King at this moment." He muttered, thinking of Elissa's condition.

Oghren belched as he refilled his mug with more wine from the casket. "What're you blubbering about, you sissy little freak? I wish I were either one of them! I bet the Commander is quite hot and heavy in the sack…hic."

"Yes, right…whatever." Anders leaned back out the window and looked up into the sky. "Ugh. I hope the Commander knows what she is doing."

* * *

"Why is Elissa unable to attend the celebration?!" Alistair demanded and pounded his fist on his desk. Several scrolls rolled off the surface and fell to the ornate rug.

Wynne's face was perfectly calm as she gave her explanation. "Elissa has gone to be with her brother for a while. She is a bit ill and would like to recover in Highever."

Alistair quickly rose from his chair. "Elissa is ill?! Then I will leave for Highever at once!"

Wynne stepped into his way and laid her hand on his chest. "Alistair, be calm. It is nothing more than a minor sickness."

The young King shook his head in frustration. "No. I'm tired of constantly being held back when I need to see her! I am going to see her right now!"

"Your Majesty, I must insist that you stop this selfishness this instant. I have checked on Elissa and she is in no danger. At the moment, she wishes for nothing more than to be left alone." Wynne spoke firmly. Even though she hasn't spoken any lies, she felt the guilt from holding back the entire truth.

Alistair stopped at her determined stance. He hung his head in defeat and let out an discouraged sigh. "Eamon has been pushing for Bann Alfstanna's sister to become Queen. I swear, the woman is a shrew in the making." He paused and lifted his eyes at Wynne. "Elissa is still angry with me…isn't she?"

The old mage shook her head. "No, she is not. But please trust me when I say that you should leave her be…at least, for a little while. I will speak with the Chancellor and try to delay any…engagements…as long as I can."

Before Alistair could respond, a small knock had interrupted their conversation. "Your Majesty, I have one of the Grey Wardens here with me. He wishes to speak with you on matters regarding Amaranthine." Leliana's voice was muffled through the closed door.

"Come in." Alistair replied and then turned to Wynne. "I will be grateful for whatever you can intercede on my behalf with Eamon. But I will speak to you later about Elissa. I am not going to give up so easily."

The door opened and Leliana ushered Nathaniel into the study. Wynne's eyes widened as he stepped in. She had not expected this confrontation to happen so quickly.

"Nice to meet you, Warden." Alistair warmly greeted Nathaniel by extending his hand. "It is nice to finally meet one of the newest recruits that the Commander has collected to protect Ferelden against the darkspawn."

Nathaniel nodded his head politely and shook the King's hand. "It is an honor, Your Majesty."

Alistair turned to Wynne and Leliana. "Well, since the Warden would like to speak to me in private, why don't you both go on ahead and see to the other's comforts? I will join you in a bit."

Wynne hesitated. A meeting between the two men would not bode well. Nathaniel was looking very determined about something. "Very well…please call for us as soon as we are needed." She bowed reluctantly and left the room with Leliana, slowly closing the door behind her.

"Well then…" Alistair turned to his guest and gave him a disarming smile. "What are the matters you need to speak to me about…er…Ser…"

"Howe." Nathaniel replied, clasping his hands behind his back. "Nathaniel Howe."

Alistair did a double take. "Howe? As in the family of Rendon Howe?"

"Correct, Your Majesty." Nathaniel kept his expression impassive. "I am Rendon Howe's oldest son. I have been in the Free Marches during the fight against the blight."

Alistair scratched his head with bewilderment. He was shocked that Elissa would enlist a Howe to the Grey Wardens. She had been the one who had exacted revenge against the former Arl of Amaranthine. He believed that she would have hated everything associated with the Howes because what Rendon had done to Highever. But Elissa was never the type to be predictable. He let out a breath and gave Nathaniel a small grin. "Well now, since the Warden Commander recruited you herself, that would mean that she has full confidence of your abilities, I wager."

Nathaniel inclined his head. "I have known Elissa since we were children. She has given me a chance to redeem my family's name."

Alistair caught Nathaniel's casual use of her name. He could not stop himself from inquiring. "Ah…you have? I take it you were both…close?"

Nathaniel stared straightly into the King's eyes. "Yes, we were. We still are."

Alistair leaned back on his desk, trying to quell the small feeling of suspicion that he got from Nathaniel's response. He could have sworn that Nathaniel had given his answer as if it was almost a challenge. Alistair crossed his arms and nodded to rogue. "What did you need to speak to me about, Warden?"

Nathaniel kept his straight stance. "I wanted to speak to you privately about a personal matter involving Elissa."

Alistair narrowed his eyes. "What about Elissa?"

"I would like to talk to you as man to man…not Warden to King." Nathaniel requested, his eyes unwavering.

"Very well. You are free to speak your mind." Alistair granted, his face apprehensive.

Nathaniel nodded. "I have been in love with Elissa Cousland for years. I am in love with her now. I am very well aware of your past together and know that she still holds feelings for you. Because I tend to do things more honorably than my father…I would like to give you fair warning. I will be pursuing Elissa…and I will be asking her to be my wife."

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you all for your input! (Some of them had me laughing so hard because I really have been sorely tempted to just end it with Anders!) I believe I now have a good general idea on the upcoming ending. Thank you all so much for your support =)


	26. A Challenge and a Choice

**A/N:** Sorry for the lack of updates this week, but this chapter took some extra time to write! Since this story will end pretty soon, I want to finish it up as quickly as I can to move on to the next one XD

As always, thanks so much for your input and lovely compliments!

* * *

**A Challenge and a Choice**

"You…asking _Elissa_…to marry you?" Alistair repeated slowly, as if he had misheard the words.

"Yes." Nathaniel simply stood before the King, his face was stoic at his declaration.

Nathaniel felt honor-bound to let the King know his intentions. He was very well aware that Elissa still cared for him deeply, whether he was King or not. Nathaniel had no desire to go behind Alistair's back and steal Elissa away without any warning. After all, even though he was a King, he was still a man…a man who had to put Elissa aside for the sake of ruling Ferelden.

Alistair looked as if he were in deep thought. Nathaniel was half-expecting the King to go into a rage and order him to the dungeons. Or possibly drag him off to be hanged. Or, Nathaniel was hoping, the King would throw the first punch and give himself a valid excuse to get in a bloody fight with the man.

Instead, the King did something that took Nathaniel completely by surprise.

Alistair threw his head back and began to laugh loudly.

The study echoed with his laughter and almost shook the tomes off the shelves. Nathaniel began to feel awkward as the King was holding his sides and leaning against his desk to keep himself from falling over.

After several moments of what almost seemed like an eternity, Alistair's laughter died down and he tried to catch his breath. He wiped away the tears in his eyes as he chuckled. "So _you_ are going to ask for Elissa's hand in marriage then?"

"Yes…" Nathaniel drew out his reply, eyeing the King in confusion. Of all reactions he had been expecting, he had no inkling that the King would laugh himself into a fit.

Alistair walked over behind his desk and sat down heavily into his chair. "And you believe Elissa would accept you?" He asked Nathaniel with a grin.

Nathaniel stiffened. "I do not know how she will respond, but I will love her and stand by her…regardless of her answer."

Alistair leaned back in his chair. "That is quite a bold statement, I must say. I guess you have declared it to me because you are aware that I am in love with Elissa as well?"

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at the King. "You show your love quite unusually…considering you abandoned her to search for another woman to be your Queen."

Alistair looked up at Nathaniel with a sad smile on his lips. "Ah, so you know of the situation."

"I know enough that when you came to Vigil's Keep that night you have basically used her and tossed her to the side as if she were a toy you were done playing with." Nathaniel felt his voice rise with his anger.

"I had no intention of using Elissa as something for my amusement." He lifted his eyes to meet Nathaniel's gaze evenly. "I love her with all my soul. She is everything to me."

"Then why would you leave her in such a state?" Nathaniel demanded, recalling Elissa's anguish that night.

"I've never left her." Alistair stated. "It has always been the other way around."

"What?" Nathaniel asked incredulously.

Alistair shook his head slowly. "After Elissa had run off, I searched the Keep for her that entire night…but I couldn't find her anywhere. The guards did not know where she had gone off to. It was into the morning when I finally came back to my chambers. The Seneschal told me that Elissa had already left with her Wardens at dawn's light."

Nathaniel remained silent, unwilling to believe the King's story. Alistair scratched his head as he continued, "Before that, Elissa had left Denerim without so much of a goodbye. She was so rigid with me after the coronation…I was terrified that she would leave me if I told her I would renounce the crown for her. Elissa is much too honorable to allow me to do such a thing. I guess my effort was for nothing since she ended up leaving anyway.

"I am quite surprised that I am not yet used to having Elissa depart from me." Alistair laughed derisively at himself. "She did the same when we were children as well. That day she left me in Redcliffe was one of the saddest in my memories."

Nathaniel recalled what Elissa had told him before. "So _you_ are the famed lonely boy from Redcliffe."

Alistair gave a pained grin at Nathaniel. "And _you _are the one Elissa has found solace in…after I've driven her away."

Nathaniel did not want to find the King likeable. He had come for a confrontation and a challenge…not a nostalgic amity. He relaxed his stance and crossed his arms. "You said you still love her. Are you not angry that I will be proposing to Elissa?"

Alistair chuckled. "You are welcome to try. I apologize for laughing so hard a moment ago. I laughed because it was as if I saw myself. That same determination…Maker help me, that must be what I look like to everyone else…"

Nathaniel frowned. "You seem to realize your position as King. She is obviously unable to be your Queen. Knowing that, why do you pine for her?"

Alistair smiled softly. "Because even if I cannot be by her side, I always yearn to be. Because even if I am forced to marry another, she will be the only one in my heart."

"And if she chooses me?" Nathaniel pursued.

"That would be her choice. It will not change how I feel for her."

Nathaniel conceded to the King's never-ending good nature. It was apparent that he would love Elissa, no matter what the circumstances held for her in the future. Even though Nathaniel had truly wanted a fight, he could not find much fault in the man. The King loved Elissa just as deeply as he did. Nathaniel sighed walked towards the door to leave.

"Your Majesty, I also cannot help to feel as if I'm looking at myself when I look at you." Nathaniel turned to give the King a hard stare. "However…just because I empathize with you does not mean I will give Elissa up."

Alistair nonchalantly tilted his head. "I have no doubt in my mind that she will lead you on a merry little chase."

"I will be the one to catch her." Nathaniel warned.

Alistair evenly returned the gaze. "We will see, shall we?"

* * *

Elissa treaded slowly through the snow covered fields, with her bow and arrow strapped to her back. She loved winter time in Highever. On the fields outside the city walls, a thick layer of white covered the landscape. She reveled in the quiet that came along with the snow…peace has been so rare to her as of late.

Her faithful mabari hound was frolicking in the cold, a trail of his prints marred the otherwise perfect blanket of snow. She was wearing a heavy fur-lined cloak that also covered her protruding belly. She smiled as she rested her hand upon her unborn child. Her carrying has been getting along quite well. When she first arrived at Highever, she had the same fits of nausea and feverish swooning that she experienced before she had left Vigil's Keep. Luckily, Fergus had experience as an expectant father and had encouraged her through it all, assuring her that it was normal.

Another season has already passed and she was now experiencing the thrill of having her baby lightly kick at her stomach. To keep herself from feeling like a fat sow, she went out to go hunting every afternoon. From what Fergus had told her, she will soon be arriving to the time when she will no longer be able to walk around so easily.

Ser Gilmore was alongside her, making sure she did not exert herself. The soldier was one of the very few people in Highever who were aware of Elissa's situation. "You know…" He spoke as he followed behind her. "From the other expectant mothers I have seen, I know none that actually go out into the snow to catch their dinner."

Elissa laughed as she continued forward. "What do you expect me to do, Ser Gilmore? Sit by a fireplace and knit socks for the baby?"

"Well…yes, actually." He huffed, watching his breath form a small cloud from the cold air.

Dog suddenly stopped in his tracks and pointed his nose towards the trees. Elissa quickly grabbed her bow and notched an arrow quickly. The arrow shot off to the distance and landed with a light thump. She praised the mabari and began walking towards her catch. "I can't bear to allow myself to waddle around indoors all the time. I remember watching Fergus' wife do that when she was carrying Oren. It drove everyone in the castle daft!"

Ser Gilmore chuckled. "Yes, I remember that as well. In one minute, the soldiers were being ordered to bring in loads of firewood to her chambers because she was cold, and the next we were ordered to bring buckets of cold water because she was hot."

Elissa reached down and retrieved a rabbit she had skillfully struck. "I refuse to be a burden upon anyone while I carry my child. Besides, I believe my baby likes it better when I am moving about. Tends to kick me much less."

"I guess if the little one is happy, we can't really complain." Ser Gilmore took the rabbit from Elissa to tie it with the others she had caught. "Have you given any thought to what you would name the child?"

Elissa shook her head and looked down at her stomach. "Nothing set in stone, as of yet. I think I will think of a name once they are born…"

Ser Gilmore almost smacked himself for asking such a question. In Ferelden, it was customary that the father be the one to name the child. He coughed awkwardly. "I'm sure your child will cherish whichever name you come up with. Perhaps the Teyrn may have a suggestion."

Elissa's brother was currently in Denerim due to a meet with the bannorn. The Grey Warden celebration was over and Ferelden went back to business as usual. Fergus avoided telling Elissa what the meet would be about, which led her to believe it must be more news concerning the King's upcoming engagement. A feeling of sorrow washed over her as she thought about Alistair marrying another woman. The idea did not set well with her at all.

Dog caught Elissa's frown and gave a small whine. She broke out of her reverie and gently scratched her hound behind the ears. "Let's head back, shall we? I need to finish up a letter to Varel back in Amaranthine. Even when I'm in Highever, an Arlessa's work is never done." She sighed.

Ser Gilmore stifled a sigh as well. Keeping such news was proving to be quite difficult. Elissa had been corresponding with the Seneschal almost every day. She had been using the guise that her pro-longed illness has been keeping her at Highever.

Apparently Nathaniel Howe, Ser Gilmore still had to fight the urge to spit when he heard the Howe name, was assisting Elissa in running Amaranthine in her absence. With the most recent darkspawn threat taken care of, the Ferelden Wardens have slowly begun to recruit more people into their orders to replenish their numbers.

Even though she had been receiving many letters from the Seneschal, she could only bring herself to write back short responses, fearing that he may figure out her condition if she divulged too much.

However, it did not stop Nathaniel from trying to visit her every chance he could get.

As they approached the back gates, one of the guards waved them over after spotting them. Elissa expertly adjusted her cloak so it would hide her widening stomach.

"My Lady, Ser Gilmore." The soldier called to them. "Howe is at the front gates, yet again."

"For the love of Andraste." Ser Gilmore angrily sighed. "You think the man would have gotten the hint and given up by now."

Elissa smiled sadly in response. Nathaniel had been coming to Highever every few days in attempts to see her. And each time, the guards cursed him and turned him away. Nathaniel was obviously trying to take the high road by heeding their jeers each time he came by…if it was his prerogative, he would have easily scaled the city walls and snuck in.

The soldier shook his head. "The Grey Warden mage has arrived with him. We have allowed Warden Anders entry into the city, but Howe remains outside the walls."

"Good. Let's keep it that way." Ser Gilmore nodded in approval.

"Is Anders inside the castle?" Elissa asked the soldier.

"Indeed he is, My Lady."

Elissa turned to Ser Gilmore. "I will hurry back to the castle then. Will you do me a favor and give those rabbits to Cook and take Dog with you?"

Ser Gilmore inclined his head obediently. "Yes, I will. Please bid the Grey Warden mage a good day for me as well."

* * *

Anders was waiting for Elissa in the main hall, huddled by the fireplace for warmth. As she approached him, Elissa could not help grinning in amusement. "You know, if you are so cold…why can't you do a simple fire spell to keep yourself warm?"

"Very funny." Anders muttered, rubbing his hands together at the fire. "Maybe you should try going out in the ghastly cold wearing a bloody robe and see how long it takes for your toes to freeze off."

Elissa laughed softly and took off her thick cloak. Anders let out a low whistle at her belly. "My word, you've grown quite large since the last time I saw you."

"That was only a few weeks ago. I haven't gotten that big, have I?" Elissa asked self-consciously.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with a growing baby." Anders replied and gently held his hands to her stomach. Both he and Elissa gave a slight jump when they felt a small kick.

"It's been kicking quite a lot lately." Elissa murmured, rubbing her stomach.

"That just means the child is healthy." Anders nodded in conclusion and took a step back to observe Elissa. It looked like she had been eating well and taking care of herself. Her cheeks were rosy, which added to her glow. "I was getting a bit concerned because I haven't seen you in a while, but I'm glad to see you are okay. I will make sure to send a letter to Wynne."

"Please do." Elissa slowly sat down on a nearby cushioned chair. "Unfortunately, I'm unable to send any letters to anyone. It seems that people keep intercepting my correspondences."

"It's just Nathaniel and the King being overly nosy." Anders waved it off. "Can't really blame them though. Everyone believes you are simply ill."

"It is the best we can do for now." Elissa sat back in the chair.

"I don't know how we were able to keep this secret for as long as we have. Nathaniel is getting irritating beyond belief. Thank Andraste's flaming pantaloons that he believes the soldiers are not letting him in because he is simply a Howe."

Elissa laughed. "Actually, that is quite the truth."

"Speaking of which…" Anders gave Elissa an inquisitive look. "Have you decided to go through the spell of birthright yet for your child?"

Elissa turned her gaze to the floor. "I…no…I haven't decided yet."

Anders knelt down before Elissa to meet her eyes. "Commander, I know it is quite an uncomfortable situation you are in. But we cannot do this spell without the blood from all the…ahem…parties involved. You will need to inform them soon."

"Isn't there a way we can do the spell without resorting to…the blood?" Elissa asked softly.

Anders shook his head. "No, there is not. And before you ask…no, there is absolutely no way I can retrieve blood from either man without them being aware."

Elissa smiled at Ander's off-handed joke. "Are you sure? You can be pretty quick on your feet when you want to be. You can just knock them out with a quick spell and take it, can you not?"

Anders snorted. "Knocking out the King is difficult enough as it is…and that is _before_ the templars storm in and send me to the gallows. As for Nathaniel, there's no way I can sneak up on him so we can give that idea up."

Elissa understood Anders' concern. She knew she was being nothing more than a coward by avoiding the inevitable. She just wanted some time…a little more time…to pretend that the fate of Ferelden didn't rest upon the unborn child in her womb.

"All right, Anders. I will inform both Nathaniel and Ali…I mean, the King about the child." Elissa stood up from her seat. "But allow me to wait a bit longer before I do."

Anders let out a heavy sigh and got on his feet as well. "I guess that means I will be dragging Nathaniel back to Vigil's Keep yet again."

"I will tell him when he comes by with you the next time you come for a visit." Elissa promised. "Just…give me a bit to prepare what I will need to say to them both."

Anders couldn't help to notice that Elissa's usual confident and strong expression had suddenly turned unsure and frightened. He was not used to seeing such a look on his Commander's face. Anders hesitantly reached over and put his hands on her shoulders. "Commander, tell me the truth. Which man do you want the father of the child to be?"

Elissa closed her eyes and shook her head sullenly. "You might as well ask me if I could either live without the sun or the moon. I cannot answer that because I…cannot bear to lose either. Perhaps the Maker gave me this child as to lead me to the one whom I should choose."

"Perhaps…" Anders gripped her shoulders lightly. "But in the end, even the Maker would want you to decide your own fate, Commander."

* * *

Fergus Cousland left the meeting hall in a rush. He simply nodded his acknowledgements to several nobles of the bann who called out to him. There were many things about being the new Teyrn of Highever that he immensely enjoyed, but as always, there cannot be any happiness without an equal amount of aggravation. Debating amongst the bannorn was definitely on top of his list of annoyances.

Fergus learned from a young age about the importance of politics and governance, but it did not mean he had to enjoy it. Arguing over whom the King should take as the Queen was not a pleasant chore by any means. Fergus had to hold his tongue and pray that everyone would not notice is discomfort about the topic. After all, his sister could be carrying the King's child.

As he strode down towards the corridors of the palace, one of his Highever soldiers quickly caught up to the Teyrn and walked alongside him. "Is the meet over for today, Teyrn Cousland?"

"Yes, it is." Fergus rubbed the stiffness from his neck. "Without the darkspawn threat to discuss, these conferences have become even longer and, dare I say, duller than ever before."

The soldier chuckled in response. "I'm sure Lady Elissa would appreciate your gratitude. Shall I begin to preparations?"

Fergus nodded. "Please do. I would like to leave for Highever tonight. Gather up the rest of the men and let them aware we will be departing as soon as we can. I will go to the stables and retrieve my steed."

The soldier bowed low and quickly ran off towards the soldier's quarters to inform the rest of the Teyrn's guards.

Fergus wanted to leave before the King found him. For the past several months, the King has pummeled him with questions about Elissa whenever he came to Denerim. It wasn't that the young Teyrn disliked the King, on the contrary, he considered the ruler to be a friend of some sorts…which made it all the more unnerving to lie to him about Elissa's condition.

Although for this meet, the King hasn't approached him at all. Perhaps Chancellor Eamon's constant prying has finally taken effect into the King's mind and he has decided to take this Queen business seriously. _Best not to press my luck by staying here too long_, Fergus thought as he exited from the palace.

Fergus noticed two heavily armored Denerim soldiers leaning casually against the stable gates. As Fergus approached the stables, they both quickly got off the posts and stood attention. "Teyrn Cousland?" One of the soldiers inquired, his voice was muffled through his steel helmet.

"Yes?" Fergus replied, pausing his gait to face them.

"Will you be leaving for Highever tonight?" The other soldier asked.

"We are. My men are preparing for our departure as we speak." Fergus answered and continued into the stables to ready his horse.

The soldiers followed the Teyrn. "We have orders from the King that we will be accompanying you to Highever."

"What?" Fergus turned around to face them. "Why would the King need to send you with me?"

"We simply follow orders, Teyrn Cousland." One of the soldiers inclined his head. "We believe that the King may be concerned about the recent bandit attacks on the roads. He has given us strict orders to make sure we act as your personal guards and ensure you get to Highever safely."

Fergus furrowed his brow. "I assure you that my men are all perfectly suitable to protect me from harm. Please go back and inform the King that extra guards are not necessary."

The soldiers did not budge. "Teyrn Cousland, this is upon the King's insistence. We apologize for the inconvenience, but we cannot disobey orders. We promise that we will not be a burden, we just need to serve the duty that we were instructed to do."

Fergus sighed in frustration. Apparently he could not escape the palace quickly enough to avoid the King's interference after all. He nodded in acquiescence to the two men. "Very well. We will be leaving shortly. Retrieve whatever items you will need and prepare to leave with the rest of the Highever soldiers."

The soldiers both bowed low. "As you command, Teyrn Cousland."


	27. The Sun and the Moon

**The Sun and the Moon**

Elissa was sitting up in bed with several thick quilts tucked in around her belly. She had pulled off the heavy drapes that covered the windows to allow the cool air into her chambers. She noticed that she was developing a strange habit of preferring her surroundings to either be blazing hot or frigidly cold. She did not want her child to suffer her odd flashes and made sure she kept her stomach warm while she let the frosty winter wind blow into her rooms. Her mabari hound was huddling against her feet upon her bed, curled together as tightly as he could manage in order to keep warm.

"Just a little bit longer, Dog." She stroked the mabari's large head. "I'll cover the windows as soon as I cool off."

Fergus was to arrive back at home at any day now and Elissa was craving his company. Ser Gilmore was kind enough, but even she could tell he felt awkward whenever the subject of babies came about.

Elissa went back to reading the thick leather-bound book that she had come across in her father's old study. It was written by Brother Genitivi himself, who had assisted the Wardens in their search for the Urn of Andraste all those seasons ago. She smiled in remembrance of the shy scholar who spent his life pursuing the ultimate truth, even if it contradicted the Chantry's teachings.

Brother Genitivi had written the book based upon his research on several notable female Grey Wardens. Elissa suspected he had investigated the subject thoroughly to see if there was a connection between the Grey Wardens and Andraste herself.

She scanned through the dusty yellowed pages of the book, hoping to see if there were any clues towards other women who have borne children after becoming Grey Wardens. As Elissa read the details of each Warden, she couldn't help feeling a sad sense of empathy for each of the tragic figures.

The story of Warden Sophia Dryden hit her particularly hard. The tale of the brave and courageous woman who was to inherit the crown…but instead was forced into joining the Grey Wardens. Her plans to rescue Ferelden from the tyrant King proved to be her undoing as she was quickly abandoned by her Warden comrades and was driven to a lonely death on Soldier's Peak. Elissa found herself deeply immersed with the story…it was a harsh lesson of what would happen if a Warden Commander found themselves more concerned with politics rather than with the threats of the darkspawn.

She sighed and shook her head. For now, worrying about politics was not going to get here anywhere. She turned to the next page and began to read Genitivi's observations about the elven Grey Warden Fiona. It seemed that Fiona was the most recent addition to the noteworthy female Wardens covered in the research…her accomplishments dating only a scant thirty years ago.

Suddenly, Dog whipped his head up and began to growl towards the window. Elissa looked out the window and saw nothing more than the dark night. "What is it boy?" She whispered, reaching for the dagger on her nightstand. "Do you hear something?"

She heard a faint scraping against stone. It sounded like somebody was scaling up the walls of the castle and coming towards her chambers. Elissa swore under her breath, regretting she had removed the covers from her window. She gripped the dagger in her hand, praying that her aim would be true and she would be able to protect herself and her child.

In an instant, she saw a body hoist itself onto the windowsill. Elissa quickly reacted and launched her dagger towards the unwelcome visitor. The man deftly caught the dagger in mid air between his gloved fingertips right before it pierced his heart. Dog had leapt from the bed and began to snap wildly at the man still perched at the window, trying to avoid the hound's sharp glistening teeth.

"Elissa! Calm down! It's me! Call off your mabari!" The man hissed, lifting his feet to her hound's attempts to reach him.

Elissa squinted her eyes. The only dim light in her chambers was from a lone candle that was flickering wildly at her bedside. "Nathaniel? Is that you?"

Nathaniel threw back the hood of his cloak and revealed his long black hair. "Yes! It's me! Call off your friend before he bites my limbs off!"

"Dog! Come here!" Elissa ordered. The mabari hound backed slowly away, making sure not to let the intruder out of his sight. He continued to growl menacingly as he returned to Elissa's side. She placed her hand on his head to soothe him.

Nathaniel gracefully jumped into the chamber and threw Elissa's dagger up in the air. She caught it with her open hand and placed it back on her nightstand. "What are you doing here, Nathaniel?" She demanded.

Nathaniel kept a safe distance away from Elissa, heeding the hound's low snarls of warning. He let out a frustrated sigh and gave her a stiff glare. "I don't appreciate you avoiding me like this, Elissa. I haven't seen you for over a season!"

Elissa felt taken aback by his steel gray eyes and his firm voice. She didn't realize how much she had missed them. Elissa cleared her throat and huddled deeper into her blankets. Her burgeoning belly was hidden safely in the covers. "Can't you see that I am ill?"

He gave a dramatic roll of his eyes. "Elissa, you are as ill as I am the Warden Commander of Orlais. Quit your lying at once."

She winced at his sharp words. "Why did you climb into my rooms like a thief in the night?"

"Because your soldiers refuse to allow me entry into Highever!"

Elissa let out a sigh. "Do you blame them? You are a Howe, after all."

Nathaniel crossed his arms. "I know who I am. I also believe they would have let me in if you had informed them to do so. You have been refusing to see me, so what other choice did I have? I simply climbed over the city walls and snuck into your castle." He clicked his tongue. "I must say, you should probably have a talk with the Teyrn about the guard's vigilance…I wasn't even spotted once."

Elissa set her book aside and calmly laid back into her pillows. Her palms were sweating with fear that he would notice her stomach under the quilts. "Why are you here, Nathaniel?" She repeated softly.

"You are avoiding me, Elissa." Nathaniel accused, narrowing his eyes. "Do not deny it and pawn it off on your fake illness. I have been worried sick about you. What are you trying to hide from me?"

Elissa quickly looked down from Nathaniel's accusing glare. "I…I'm sorry that I have worried you. It was not my intention."

Nathaniel took a step forward and Dog's growling rose an octave. "Have I done something to upset you, Elissa? Why are you refusing to meet with me? It's driving me mad that you have been allowing Anders to come and go as he pleases, but I am treated like the leper that nobody wants to acknowledge!"

"It…it's not your fault, Nathaniel!" Elissa said through her teeth, trying to gather her courage. "Something happened…I could not tell anyone."

"What can you not tell me?" Nathaniel asked angrily. "I thought you trusted me! I love you, Elissa! What in Andraste's name are you trying to hide from me?"

Elissa took a deep breath. This was not how she had been planning to show Nathaniel, but there was no way to escape from his demand. She patted Dog gently on his head and hushed him. The hound reluctantly obeyed his master and put his massive head between his paws, eyeing Nathaniel warily.

Elissa peeled away at the blankets that she had been buried beneath. She stepped off the bed and stood slowly on her feet. She gazed at Nathaniel evenly, with her hands resting protectively over her large stomach.

No words would have impacted Nathaniel as strongly as the sight he saw before him. The man has never found himself undone to such a vulnerable state. He sank to his knees in shock, his eyes were widened in disbelief as he stared at Elissa and the secret she had kept hidden.

Elissa took a careful step towards him. "Nathaniel…I am carrying."

An ice cold feeling ran down his spine. A million thoughts flew about in his head, refusing to allow him to sensibly retrieve his bearings on the situation. He looked up at Elissa with desperate eyes. "Who is the father?"

Elissa bit down on her lip and cast her eyes down, unable to answer.

Nathaniel quickly rose to his feet and took hold of Elissa's shoulders. "Answer me, Elissa! Is the child mine?"

Elissa's courage and pride dissipated as the tears escaped her eyes and streamed down her face. "I…I'm sorry…I don't know."

Nathaniel shook his head. "You're just playing around again, aren't you? Trying to trick me into some surprise? The child is mine, isn't it?" He insisted, tightening his grip on her arms.

Elissa covered her mouth with her hands to stifle a sob. She slowly sank to her knees, her tears splattering on the cold stone floor. "I'm sorry."

Nathaniel ran his hands through his hair in aggravation. He was very well aware of Grey Wardens who carry the stigma of becoming childless after accepting the taint. The situation of Elissa carrying a child was unbelievable and too far-fetched for him to grasp. What was worse, she couldn't confirm if the child was his…which would mean that it could also belong to the King.

As hard as he tried to rationalize it all, the circumstances still angered him. Elissa kept it all a secret because she couldn't trust him. He knew very well that a child born from a Howe and a Cousland would not be well received, Hero of Ferelden or no. If the child belonged to the King, it would inherit the throne. He would inevitably lose Elissa before he got the chance to ask her for her hand in marriage. He felt his future shatter before his eyes as he watched Elissa quietly sobbing on the floor.

The sound of soldiers marching and the iron gates lifting broke the silence. Nathaniel quickly went to the open window to see what was happening. "It seems that your brother has safely arrived back from Denerim." He murmured, gazing into the distance as several guards began to light the torches along the city walls to announce the Teyrn's return.

He turned back to Elissa, who was holding her stomach gently with one hand while wiping her face with the other. She reluctantly lifted her eyes to look at Nathaniel, who was gazing at her with an unreadable expression.

"I'm going to take my leave before the Teyrn finds me here." Nathaniel leaned out the window to see if there were any guards patrolling the grounds below.

Elissa simply nodded, unable to find her voice. Nathaniel deftly perched himself onto the windowsill. "This is still a shock to me, Elissa. Bear with me while I try to think all this through…of all things, I never expected something like this to happen."

He glanced back, his brows furrowed. "But I want you to know this…I meant it when I said I love you. I will see you again very soon."

Elissa watched Nathaniel jump nimbly from the window and out of her sight. She was still kneeling on the stone floor, numb to the winter wind that blew in through the open window.

She saw Nathaniel's expression as she revealed herself to him. She had hurt him so deeply by keeping her unborn child a secret. Nathaniel, who had placed his utmost and utter trust in her, was now in complete turmoil because of her betrayal. She did not think that he would understand her condition…and because of her lack of trust, she had caused him terrible pain.

Dog crept up from behind and nudged her back with his nose. She threw her arms around her faithful hound and began to weep bitterly against his shaggy neck…the same unconstrained tears she had wept on that fateful night when Highever fell to the hands of Rendon Howe.

* * *

Their heavy armor clattered loudly as they ran down the dark cobblestone streets of Highever. Thankful for the dark and the lack of patrol guards, they headed towards the Cousland's castle, which stood at the heart of the newly rebuilt city.

"Do you think they've seen us?" One soldier turned to his comrade who was running by his side.

"I do not know. It seems like the Teyrn and the others are too occupied to notice our disappearance. Which is good, yes?"

"Let's hope that he's kept busy for a while longer then."

The two men in Denerim armor slowed their steps as they arrived at the castle, sticking close to the shadows to avoid being seen by the watchmen. They crept along the back walls, looking for a way inside.

"With all due respect, Your Majesty…do you even know where you're going?"

"Of course I do!" Alistair hissed through his helmet. "I visited Highever several times while it was getting rebuilt. I never thought I would have to sneak my way in. It's not my style, Zevran."

"As long as you are aware of your shortcomings." Zevran sighed. He was feeling quite clumsy and ungraceful while stuck inside the suit of armor they were using as a disguise. He was glad Teyrn Cousland never caught on to their identities…it was difficult for him to imitate a Ferelden accent.

Alistair pointed towards a lone lit window towards the west wing of the castle. "There…that's most likely where Elissa is at. That's where the family chambers are located. That back door leads straight to them."

"Delightful." Zevran whispered, noting the positions of several guards stationed around the castle walls. "There are ten men that are between us and our lovely Warden Commander. If you allow me out of this hideous armor, I can easily stealth and rid ourselves of each one quickly."

"Absolutely no killing." Alistair ordered, wishing the rogue could see his glare.

"Bah, what is the point of bringing me along if I cannot slash a few throats?" Zevran muttered as he quickly took off his helmet, briefly reveling in the freedom from the constraining armor.

"Make it quick, Zevran. If anyone notices our tracks in the snow, they'll figure out something is amiss quite quickly."

Zevran threw off the last piece of plate to the side and stretched his arms to the sky. "Do not worry about my skills, my friend. Your one concern is to get to that door as soon as I am finished." He nimbly twirled his dagger between his fingers. "Shall we begin?"

* * *

Elissa immediately stopped her weeping as soon as she heard the loud sound of running footsteps outside the corridor. She heard the noises of random doors being swung open and slammed shut, each was followed by a frustrated swear. _Is it another attack on the castle? _She thought in panic. As she hugged her hound closely, she noticed that he was not growling in defense as he always did when there was a stranger in their midst. Dog's ears were perked upwards, his tail was wagging in anticipation.

The door to her chamber burst open and a fully armored Denerim soldier stomped in. Dog broke away from her hold and was jumping in circles around the man, barking happily.

"Who are you?" She demanded with a cracked voice.

The soldier kicked the door shut behind him and took off his helmet. Elissa gasped in shock at the sight of the familiar grin that she has not seen for far too long.

"You call that a welcome?" Alistair laughed and threw his helmet to the floor.

"Alistair? What…what are you…?" Elissa stuttered. _Maker, why did you curse me with such a terrible night?_ She frantically thought and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

Alistair bent down to pet the dog that was jumping wildly on him. "You've been ignoring my summons and your brother would not allow me to visit. I never thought I would have to sneak into your home like a bandit in order to see you!"

Elissa attempted to dry her tears with the sleeve of her nightgown. Her face was still wet and her eyes were swollen red. "Alistair! This is not the right time! Go! Just…go!" She shouted, turning her back away from him, praying he didn't see her belly. She could not bear to have two rejections in one night.

Alistair winced at her harsh tone. "Elissa, are you still angry at me? I swear I did not abandon you that night in Vigil's Keep!"

"Please!" Elissa begged. "Just leave me, Alistair!"

"No, I will not!" He obstinately stood his ground. "I came here for a reason and Zevran can only buy me so much precious little time."

Elissa kept her back to him and shook her head, unwilling to listen. For Andraste's sake, why did the man have to be so stubborn?

"Elissa, I love you. If I cannot be with you, then I am going to renounce the crown." Alistair stated.

Elissa then whipped her head around to stare at him with wide eyes. "What? Alistair, you cannot do that! What would happen to Ferelden!"

"If being King means being unable to be with the woman you love, then sod it all. I don't need to be King. I need you by my side, Elissa…there's no one else. I'll simply tell Eamon I forfeit the crown and give him…"

"No!" Elissa yelled in denial, her voice shaking. "You cannot do that!"

"Why not?" Alistair insisted as he stepped towards her. "What point is it to be the King if I can't choose my own Queen?"

Elissa steeled herself and decided it was going to be now or never. She quickly stood up and spun around to face him, showing him her stomach. "Don't you dare abandon everything over someone like me! Look at me, Alistair!"

He opened his mouth to give her a reply but the words disappeared as he saw her condition. He felt his heart skip several beats as his mind tried to grasp the sudden turn of events. After several moments of gaping at her belly, he met her eyes with an awed expression. "You're…carrying?"

Elissa rubbed her red eyes, willing herself not to cry again. "Yes…!" She choked out in frustration.

Alistair took a hesitant step forward, close enough to gently place his hand on her arm. She did not shrug off his touch. "Have you been crying?"

"No…!" She near shouted, her lie obvious.

Alistair felt a sharp breeze blow in from the open window. He shivered at the cold and frowned. "Maker's breath, Elissa…it's colder in this chamber than it is outside! This can't be good for the baby." He quickly walked over to the window and pulled the heavy covers over it, stopping the howling winter wind from entering the room.

Elissa didn't realize how numb she had gotten from the cold. Alistair went to the small fireplace on the opposite end of the room and began to start a fire. "I'm glad you have some firewood handy in here. I know you're most likely prone to flashes of hot and cold in your body, but believe me, the baby will appreciate the warmth."

As soon as he had the fire going, he took off his gauntlets and tossed them aside. Alistair strode over to Elissa and nudged her towards her bed. "Hurry up and lie back. We'll get you covered up in the quilts while the room warms back up."

She didn't protest as he pulled up her blankets and tucked her in. He took her frozen hands and began to rub them between his, trying to warm them up. "Your hands are like ice!" He chastised her. "I'm surprised they haven't broken off."

Elissa looked up at him in astonishment. "How…how do you know so much about this sort of thing?"

"Ah…Lady Isolde was carrying Connor a few years back. Eamon requested I come back to Redcliffe for a visit during that time. What a terror she was to deal with." Alistair shuddered theatrically. "To this day, I think Eamon summoned me so the Arlessa had another target to drive mad. No surprise to say that I was kissing the Chantry mother's feet in gratitude after all that."

Elissa stared at Alistair's clear amber eyes. She had forgotten about his easygoing personality…and she wondered how he could be so calm after she had given him such a scare. "Alistair…" She murmured, tightening her fingers around his. "Why aren't you angry at me?"

Alistair gave her a stern stare with a smile twitching at his lips. "Believe me, I am quite angry at you. You will have to expect a thrashing as soon as you're well enough to handle it."

"I'm serious, Alistair." Elissa's expression was pained. "The child I'm carrying…it may not be yours."

"I kind of figured that out for myself. I'm not that stupid, despite what everyone must think." He replied.

"What do you mean?" She whispered her question.

"Well…I have to think about it from your perspective, don't I?" Alistair gave her a rueful grin. "There you are, the new Warden Commander…and the King you loved has wounded you horribly. I am not surprised if you found comfort in another man's embrace. Of course I'm not _thrilled_ about it…but I understand. Considering the fact that you and your brother have been actively keeping this a secret from everyone and not just from me…I'm assuming this means that you are also hiding from your other paramour, is it not?"

Elissa was taken aback on how Alistair had guessed everything so easily. "You are taking this…too well…"

"Believe me, I had several long weeks to come to terms with the idea of you being with someone else." Alistair gave her an honest stare. "Nathaniel Howe came to me right before the Warden celebrations to tell me he would be pursuing you."

"You know it's Nathaniel?" Elissa felt her face pale in shame.

"Yes…which is making me question your taste in men…ah, I just insulted myself, didn't I?" He chuckled. "He came to me like it was a challenge. He announced quite confidently that he would be able to completely win over your affections. To be perfectly blunt, I wanted to shove him through the wall…but I decided against it."

"Please stop being so kind to me." Elissa requested softly. "I do not deserve your compassion. You cannot change the fact that I gave myself to another man."

Alistair shook his head. "I consider this fair punishment of sorts. As we speak, Morrigan is somewhere with her baby…which I am partly responsible for." His smile faltered. "At the very least, I know that our child won't turn out to be some sort of demon spawn."

Elissa caught Alistair's phrasing. "_Our _child?"

He nodded and put her hands to his lips. "I don't care if our baby is of my blood or not. It will be a part of you and that is more than enough of a reason for me to love the child. I will claim the baby as my own, if you will allow it."

Elissa shook her head vehemently. "Alistair! If this child isn't yours by blood, there is no way you can claim it as your own. You are King!"

"I told you." Alistair repeated obstinately. "If I can't have you by my side, I will renounce the crown. King or no, I will make sure that I will care for you both."

Elissa felt the tears spring into her eyes yet again. She quickly blinked them away, trying to copy Alistair's stubborn expression. "I cannot let you throw away the miracle it took to put you on the throne."

Alistair gave a warm-hearted laugh as he bent down to touch his forehead on hers. "I believe the real miracle is what you are carrying in your womb at the moment. And trust me, I have no intentions of throwing such a gift away." He paused as he stroked her cheek. "I love you, Elissa. Please...don't run from me again."

She felt his warm fingers trace against her face. She didn't give in to the urge to weep again, rather, she did not want to feel the small light of happiness that sparked inside of her. She felt the flood of Alistair's warmth wash over her, evaporating the cold feelings of despair that she had lived with for so long.

"What a fool you are." Elissa whispered, closing her eyes.

"You as well. What a pair we make." Alistair mused and gently pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

**A/N:** I think I wrote and re-wrote this chapter too many times to count. I don't want people to think that Nathaniel was completely kicked to the side (because I take kicks from being evil ^^). Writing this chapter made me realize how much I love Zevran! XD But that's a different type of story for now...

Thanks so much for your sweet comments as usual! The end will come very shortly, I promise.


	28. Honor

**Honor**

Fergus was on his knees with his head bowed low inside the small Highever Chantry. He never considered himself a religious man by any means…but like any other person who walked upon Thedas, he was truly at the end of his rope when he had to make requests to a higher power. He had been sending a bounty of prayers heavenward since dawn, hoping that if the Maker really existed, he would take pity upon his family and intervene in some way…_any_ way.

He heard the Chantry door open and shut quietly behind him. He did not turn his head to the patron who was slowly stepping towards him, he plainly continued his unending mumbles of the chant.

The person delicately kneeled beside him, waiting patiently for Fergus to finish his verses. As soon as the Teyrn finished he did not bother to face his visitor, he simply stared up at the small marble statue of Andraste that stood before him.

"They say that a man at his most desperate becomes a true follower of Andraste and the Maker." His companion mused.

"I am quite desperate." Fergus agreed quietly, still staring at the statue. "I hope the Maker does not think my pleading is any less than sincere because of it."

His visitor laughed softly in response. "The Maker takes all requests and prayer with heavy consideration. You have no worries about your prayers not being heard."

"Well, I guess that is a bit reassuring." Fergus smiled and finally turned to face his guest. "Surely you have better things to do than to keep me company, Lady Leliana."

Leliana flipped her red hair lightly to the side. "Your sister is worried about you. You have skipped your morning meal and have shut yourself in the Chantry since early dawn."

"I'm surprised she remembered me while she is being lavished with the attentions of the King and his most trusted advisors."

Leliana smiled. "She keeps everyone in mind. Which also brings me here because I wanted to formally apologize for what Zevran did to your watchmen that first night."

"There is nothing to apologize for. All that was hurt was only their pride. Although it did show how vulnerable our castle defenses are." Fergus let out a quiet laugh.

Leliana laughed with him. "May I ask you what you have been praying so earnestly for?"

"I came here because I was hoping the Maker would help show me a way to help her." Fergus admit. "For the past few weeks, I've been feeling pretty useless when it comes to tending to her needs."

Leliana tilted her head in question. "What do you mean, Teyrn Cousland?"

"I am Elissa's brother. I've been able to read her like a book since we have been children." Fergus sighed, rolling his stiff neck. "Ever since the King has been in Highever, I can see her arguing with herself. Whenever he says something to make her laugh, she immediately stops in the middle and looks as if she has done something wrong. I've tried to ask her if she wanted to talk about it…but she refuses to do so."

"Ah…I see." Leliana nodded thoughtfully. "It seems that Elissa is still feeling much guilt about the possibility of the child's father. Have you been praying for Elissa's turmoil?"

"In a way. I have been praying to the Maker to let the King be the father of the child."

Leliana's eyes widened. "Andraste's mercy, Teyrn Cousland! No disrespect, but that is quite a selfish request to ask of the Maker."

"Yes, I know." Fergus frowned and returned to gazing at the pale marble figure. "I will not pretend that I am fine with the prospect of Nathaniel Howe being the father…I realize I am prejudiced to the Howe family. But if Elissa's baby were the King's child, it would solve so many of our problems…"

Leliana could not help to concur to the Teyrn's statement. She had arrived at Highever just a few days ago herself. Denerim Palace has been in chaos since Alistair had snuck out with Zevran a few weeks ago. Chancellor Eamon and the Denerim bannorn have been in a hectic fit when they discovered the King was missing that morning. Luckily, she was told of their plans before they left. Alistair had begged her not to tell anyone where they were headed until the next day.

Wynne took the news of the King's disappearance quite easily, as if she were expecting it to happen. However, the Chancellor was stressed beyond comprehension…Leliana couldn't think of any situation where she had seen Eamon so flustered.

In order to quell a sea of rumors of the King going rogue, the Chancellor announced that the King would be taking an extended visit to Highever on business with Teyrn Cousland. Wynne decided to stay behind in Denerim to settle matters in Alistair's absence.

They haven't heard much word from Amaranthine. According to the Seneschal's most recent correspondence, it seems that he is completely unaware of the situation. Which means that Nathaniel has been wisely keeping the news to himself. The last thing Ferelden needed was a political struggle between Highever and Amaranthine.

"Let us pray that Elissa will go with what is best." Leliana suggested as she linked her fingers together to commence her own prayer. "She has gotten as far as she has by following her heart…I trust that she will make the best choice in the end."

Fergus couldn't help chuckling at Leliana's optimism. "I believe Elissa following her heart has gotten us all into this mess. I have a feeling somewhere our father and our mother is looking down at me and laughing in relief because they do not have to worry about such matters anymore."

* * *

"I will be leaving for Highever today, Nathaniel." Anders announced while they ate their morning meal.

Nathaniel simply grunted and kept his attention to several ledgers that were scattered about him on the table. He had barely touched his food.

Anders sighed and kept his fingers busy by ripping apart a roll of bread into small pieces about his plate. Vigil's Keep has become so empty as of late. Oghren and Sigrun were both on visit to Orzammar to become emissaries on behalf of Ferelden. Velanna has gone to Denerim due to Wynne's sudden request. Apparently the King was gone on an extended visit with Teyrn Cousland and Wynne needed another mage to assist her in her advising duties since she had her hands full of royal matters the King has left behind.

Anders knew Wynne did not request his own assistance because he has been entrusted with the duty as the Warden Commander's healer. However, the Keep was now too quiet with only the presence of Nathaniel and the Seneschal.

Mealtimes have been quite tense in the past few weeks as well. Nathaniel barely spoke and would always bring his papers to the table in order to work while he ate. Since the Seneschal never ate with them to begin with, Anders spent most of the time having a one-ended conversation with Nathaniel. He never thought that he would miss Oghren's atrocious table manners to liven up dining hall.

"Would you like to come with me? You can see how Elissa is faring." Anders offered.

Nathaniel gave another grunt as he kept his eyes glued to one of the many parchments that were scattered before him.

Anders frowned as he recalled the night Nathaniel had snuck away in order to see Elissa. The mage had figured that it was safe to assume that Nathaniel had found out about Elissa's condition. However, when Nathaniel arrived back at Vigil's Keep, he gave no admissions or clues to what he had discovered. Rather, he went back to running Amaranthine on behalf of the Commander as if nothing had happened. Anders also noted that Nathaniel was looking a bit haggard as well. His black hair was loosely tied in the back and his face was covered in dark stubble due to being unshaven for so long.

Nathaniel's detached demeanor for the past several weeks has been exasperating the mage. Anders let out a breath of frustration and decided to confront the issue without shirking about it.

"You know…" Anders leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms. "By my estimation…Elissa should be giving birth very soon."

Nathaniel snapped his head towards Anders and the parchments fell from his fingers. "Wait…what?"

"Well, I'm glad that got your attention." Anders smiled smugly, glad that he finally got a proper response.

"When is she due to have the child?" Nathaniel demanded, glaring at Anders.

"Unfortunately, I don't have an exact date." Anders responded. "Judging from my last visit, she should be due any day now…which is why I'm going to head out to Highever. Can't tell you how long it'll be though, I'm a healer but not an experienced midwife by any means."

"Is there going to be a midwife present?" Nathaniel asked, suddenly getting a feeling of dread from Ander's admission.

"I'm sure there is. Even though it's something that's being kept secret, I'm sure the Teyrn would not stand by and allow one lone healer to bring the Cousland heir into the world." Anders ruminated.

Nathaniel pushed his chair away from the table and rubbed his hands on his face. Elissa was going to be giving birth to the child soon…and he still didn't know what stance he should take with the circumstances. He turned to Anders. "So…_you _know that _I _know about her child then?"

"Yes…luckily for you that the others don't know anything about all this. They just believe that you have been in a foul mood because Elissa is away." Anders inclined his head.

"And you also do not know if the child is mine or the King's?"

Anders shook his head. "There is no way of finding out until after the child is born."

Nathaniel looked at Anders with a confused expression. "How so?"

Anders slapped himself on his forehead. "For Andraste's sake, she couldn't tell you this either? Ugh…okay…right." Anders sighed and looked Nathaniel squarely in the eye. "There is a ritual called the spell of birthright that can be done after the child is born. It is how one can determine a parentage. One of the components necessary for the spell is a small sample of blood from each party."

Nathaniel cringed. "Isn't that…blood magic?"

"Very minor blood magic." Anders explained, annoyed at the reaction that mirrored Elissa's. "The point is, we can find out who the father is with the ritual."

Nathaniel sank into his chair and stared at the ceiling. If resorting to blood magic was the only way to determine the parentage of the child, then Elissa must truly be backed up against a wall. "Does the King know about this as well?"

"I don't know. I was going to find out as soon as I got there." Anders replied.

Nathaniel remained silent for a while. They could hear the low muffled sounds of the guards pacing back and forth outside the Keep. Nathaniel kept his gaze on the ceiling. "Anders…what do you think I should do?"

Anders was taken off-guard by Nathaniel's question. "What do I think?"

"Yes. Tell me truthfully."

Anders chewed on his lower lip as he pondered over his opinion. "I don't believe…I can really say…"

Nathaniel let out a smirk. "I think we all know how everything should be resolved. The baby should be the King's. It would put Elissa on the throne as Queen. Ferelden would receive an heir."

"Regardless of your wonderful sanguinity, all of that is moot if the child doesn't belong to the King." Anders answered honestly.

Nathaniel sighed and kept his gaze upwards. "I haven't been able to sleep at night…I keep wondering if the child is mine."

Anders didn't know how to reply to his statement. His heart went out to his comrade, wishing that such a situation didn't befall on him.

Nathaniel thoughts drifted towards his father. If Rendon Howe was still alive, he would have commanded that Nathaniel claim the child to be his. Such a progeny would further the glory and reach of the Howe name. For the sake of greed and power, Rendon Howe had massacred the people of Highever and murdered their beloved Teyrn and Teyrna.

The Howe name was now tainted and associated with betrayal. _The irony_, Nathaniel sighed to himself. From when he was young, his father had drilled the ideals of honor and duty into him. Those principles have molded him into what he was today…he always chose to be honorable, whether it was in battle or in love.

Nathaniel slowly straightened in his chair and faced Anders. "Give me one of your small empty vials."

Always prepared, Anders reached into the small pack on his belt and handed Nathaniel a small crystal bottle. "What do you need this for?"

Nathaniel took out a small dirk from his ankle strap and slashed a small cut into hand. Anders winced as Nathaniel dripped his blood into the vial. After filling it halfway, Nathaniel quickly sealed it with the cork and handed it back to Anders. "Will this be enough for your ritual?"

"Quite enough." Anders replied, accepting the vial delicately.

"I am going to ask you for a favor, Anders. You're going to have to go to Highever on my behalf."

"What? You're not coming with me?" Anders asked.

"No. I must stay here." Nathaniel took out his linen kerchief and wrapped it around his cut. "But as I said, you will have to help Elissa on my behalf."

Anders got up from his seat and approached Nathaniel. He took the rogue's hand and did a quick healing spell to close the wound. "Don't you want to be there for the birth of the child?"

Nathaniel looked at his hand after Anders had healed it. The slash had disappeared and the only evidence of the wound was his kerchief which was blotched with red. He gazed up at Anders who was staring at him with an expression of concern. "I am asking you this favor as a friend and not as a Warden. Will you help me?"

Anders grumbled and scratched his head. "The last time somebody said that to me, I ended up knee-deep into this mess." He straightened and gave a reluctant grin. "Oh well, if I'm already this far in…I might as well jump in all the way. What do you need of me, Nathaniel?"

* * *

Elissa wistfully gazed out her window, watching the snow fall gently to the courtyard below. The fireplace in her room was blazing hot and she had took the covers off the window to take a breath of fresh air. As she looked out over the gray horizon, she couldn't help worrying over Nathaniel. She hadn't seen or heard from him since that night when he climbed through her window.

Anders had sent her a correspondence to make her aware that he would be visiting soon. Anders made no mention of Nathaniel, which led her to believe that he hasn't spoken to anyone about it. The dull pain of guilt ran through her as she recalled the hurt she saw in his eyes that ill-fated night.

"That was quite a sigh you've let out."

Elissa turned to see Alistair grinning at the doorway. He carried a large trencher of food in his hands.

"I was wishing for a bit of freedom…that is all." Elissa smiled and slowly rose from her chair. Her belly has gotten so big that she was having difficulty getting about.

Alistair quickly rushed over and took her arm for support as she walked towards her bed. He held the tray of food with his other hand against his hip. As Elissa leaned back into her pillows, he set the platter upon the covers. "You know, it's very un-kingly for you to bring up our meals like this." She noted with humor.

"Ah, you sound just like the cook in the kitchens." Alistair sat himself on the bed as well. "It's still fun to watch them all stutter in protest while I wrestle the serving tray away from them."

She looked at the food he had brought up. There were squares of yellow cheese and thick slices of black bread. There was also carving slices of various meats like pheasant and lamb. The kitchen staff also added a small bowl of fruit preserves. Alistair must have relayed her cravings from earlier that morning. "Sorry to say that there isn't any rabbit in this meal. Zevran has taken Dog out to do a little hunting. They should be back soon if you're still desiring it."

Elissa shook her head. "The cook must think of me as a glutton. You all shouldn't spoil me like this, Alistair. I will become too large to get out of bed."

Alistair waved her off and handed her a wooden plate. "I will not allow you to get to that state. Besides, I think the cook loves the fact we enjoy her meals so much. You are quite justified to eat what you want to eat…after all it is what our child wants as well."

Elissa glanced up to see Alistair give her a loving smile and felt her heart jump…followed by the immediate pang of remorse. She quickly looked back down at the food and picked up a knife. "Well…I am feeling quite famished…but I don't think I will be able to eat all this on my own."

Alistair ignored her brief face of awkwardness. "Don't worry, I will make sure that none of this goes to waste! If anything, I believe I'm the one who is on the route to become too big to get out of bed."

Elissa rewarded his reply with a laugh and helped herself to some food. As they ate, Alistair noticed the thick book at the side of her bed. "Are you finished reading all that yet?" He asked with his mouth full.

"Just about." Elissa bit into a savory piece cheese and bread. "I still haven't read anything about any female Wardens giving birth."

"Wynne said that there are a few wardens that have done it." Alistair said thoughtfully. "Perhaps they kept silent about it or weren't notable enough to mention in Brother Genitivi's research."

"The book is still quite interesting. It briefly mentions Duncan as well."

Alistair knit his eyebrows. "Duncan? How? Isn't that book about female Wardens?"

Elissa reached over to her bed stand to retrieve the book. She flipped through the pages and found the pieces that mentioned Duncan's name. "He is referenced in the writings with the Grey Wardens Fiona and Genevieve. Apparently he has traveled with them for a time."

"Really?" Alistair was genuinely interested and took the book from her. As he read the short passages about the young Duncan, his expression softened with remembrance. "It is difficult to think of Duncan as a man of my age…to think he has gone through so many adventures that I did not know about."

"You have gone through quite a bit yourself."

Alistair chuckled quietly as he read over the passages again. He lifted his head and looked at Elissa. "Have you…thought of what you will name the child…when it is born?"

Elissa felt her face color at his question. "I've…I've given it a little thought…but nothing set in stone."

Alistair cleared his throat with embarrassment. "If you will allow me to suggest…would you…let me name our child if it is a boy?"

Elissa watched Alistair clumsily distract himself by thumbing through the book in his hands. His endearing awkwardness made her smile. "Did you want to suggest we name him Duncan, if he were a son?"

Alistair shook his head, which surprised her. "Almost. If I may suggest, could we name the child…Bryce Duncan? I think that would be nice. I remember your father when you all visited Redcliffe. He was a very kind man. I would like to think our child would be most appropriately named after the two men who have brought you into my life."

Elissa was speechless from his request. She didn't expect such words to cause so much happiness and grief at the same time. She flinched from the two staggering emotions and dropped her eating utensils onto her lap.

"Elissa? Are you okay?" Alistair quickly took hold of her hand.

"I…no…" Elissa could not give a coherent reply. She glanced up and saw Alistair's face creased with anxiety. She would have to tell him the truth that had been gnawing at her soul for the past few days. "Alistair, we need to talk."

"What's going on?" He asked, still worried for her sudden look of agony.

Elissa's blue eyes pierced into his. "It is about the child. There is something I will need from you in order to find out the child's true parentage. It involves a magic ritual…"

"_Another_ magic ritual?" Alistair growled. "The last time you said these same words, I ended up in bed with Morrigan…it took me months to recover from the nightmares. No, no…absolutely not. I refuse."

Elissa shook her head. "It's not that sort of ritual. It's a spell that requires a small amount of blood in order to determine the true father of the child."

"So it's blood magic then?" Alistair grimaced. "This request keeps getting better, doesn't it?"

"It is necessary in order to find out who the father is." Elissa insisted.

Alistair continued his denial. "It is not necessary. We do not need to resort to blood magic. I already told you that I don't care who the child belongs to…I will claim it for my own."

Elissa tightened her grip on his hand and felt herself slightly quiver. "Nathaniel deserves the right to claim the child as well." She explained softly.

Alistair paused and cast his eyes down in frustration. He remembered when Nathaniel had stormed into his study and had declared his love for Elissa. The act that was so foolish and honorable at the same time…and it made Alistair feel a twinge of envy for the man who was so confident he felt it only fair to give warning to his rival.

Alistair nodded in acquiescence. "I guess…you're right. It's the right thing to do. How will we go about doing this…_ritual_?"

Before Elissa could answer, they heard a knock coming from the hall. "Lady Elissa, Warden Anders has been spotted and is arriving at the city gates." Ser Gilmore spoke loudly to be heard through the thick wooden door.

"Ah, good…send him in right away." Elissa replied back.

"Yes, My Lady." Ser Gilmore affirmed and they heard his footsteps echo away into the corridor.

Elissa began to skirt herself off the bed. "This is good timing. Anders will be the one to assist us with the spell. He would be better to answer this question than I could."

Alistair got up and assisted Elissa to her feet. After she regained her balance, he kept his hands on her arms. "Elissa…no matter what happens, I am not going to let you go." Alistair avowed, keeping his eyes locked to hers.

Turbulent emotions flooded through her being. Everything seemed to be coming at her so hard and so fast that she felt herself losing to the tide. Elissa smiled sadly up at the man who was holding her gently. "Alistair, I…"

Suddenly, a sharp slash of pain ripped through her abdomen and made her fall to her knees. Gasping from the blinding pain, she clutched at her stomach and doubled over on the floor.

Panicked, Alistair gripped her shoulders. "Elissa! What's wrong?"

The pain was overwhelming and terrifying. _The child is coming! _Her instincts were all screaming in unison. Elissa's vision began to blur as she grabbed at Alistair's hands. "Get…Anders!" She cried.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for being so sweet and supportive ^^ I love you guys!

Our little inside joke: Vegas Odds: 2:1 Alistair's Baby, 5:1 Nathaniel's Baby; 500:1 Ander's Baby; 1,000,000:1 Oghren's Baby *rolls the dice to decide the ending* XD


	29. A Noble Decision

**A Noble Decision**

By the time Anders and Fergus had rushed into her chambers, Elissa was curled up on the floor, writhing in pain. A pool of blood was slowly forming around her, the skirts of shift were soaked in dark red splotches. Alistair was frantic, gripping Elissa's hand as if she was dangling from a cliff. Elissa bit down on her lower lip to keep herself from screaming, so hard that the bitter iron taste of blood bled into her mouth.

"Help her!" Alistair shouted, his eyes half-crazed.

"I don't understand…she should not have gone into birthing like this so quickly!" Fergus quickly reached down to take hold of Elissa's other hand. "There wasn't this much blood when Oren was born!"

Anders tried to keep a cool head as he deftly went through his bags for a draught to stop her hemorrhaging. He turned to the doorway and saw Ser Gilmore and Leliana speechless from shock. "You!" He yelled at Ser Gilmore. "Hurry and bring us the midwife, this child is most likely coming whether we like it or not."

Ser Gilmore nodded in haste and ran out of the halls to do his bidding.

"Leliana, come here and assist us!" He ordered briskly as he finally found the potion he'd been searching for. "I'm going to need another set of steady hands."

Leliana quickly stepped over and Anders handed her the bottle. "What do you need me to do?"

"Get Elissa to drink it down. We need to stop the bleeding." Anders then turned to Fergus. "Teyrn Cousland, please get us some hot water and clean linens!"

Fergus' face was creased with worry but he did not refuse the mage's orders. He let go of Elissa's hand and sprinted off towards the kitchens.

Anders bent down to observe Elissa's condition. "Your Majesty…if you cannot stay calm, I will have to ask you to leave as well."

Alistair frantically shook his head. "Nothing can tear me away from her side! How can you be so cool-headed about this?"

"One of us has to be!" Anders snapped, feeling his jovial nature slip away from the stress. "Hold her head up so Leliana can get her to drink the draught."

Alistair complied and gently supported Elissa to sit up. She was still too delirious with pain to respond. "Here, Elissa." Leliana tried to say as sympathetically as she could. "Make sure to drink every last drop."

_Keep it together_…Anders thought to himself, inhaling and exhaling as slowly as he could. _As soon as you start to panic, then we're really in trouble_. He willed his hands not to shake as he observed the blood pooling around their knees on the stone floor. Fergus was right about one thing…this was not something that would occur with a normal birthing. He felt an unpleasant memory creep back into his mind, which he had worked so hard to keep away.

Elissa had finished the draught and still felt the horrible pain surging from her abdomen. It felt as if a hundred knives were slicing away at her from the inside. Alistair did not even flinch as she crushed his fingers with every slash of agony.

"That draught you drank should stop the bleeding momentarily." Anders said, wishing Ser Gilmore and Fergus would hurry. "How does it feel, Commander?"

"Don't…worry about…me…" She gasped, biting back a scream. "The…baby?"

Anders didn't reply and looked at both Alistair and Leliana. "Help me get her onto the bed."

They both nodded and lifted Elissa gently off the floor, while she twisted in their arms. They were both covered in her blood, but neither of them noticed as their focus was on Elissa and her distress. Her bleeding was slowing but it was not stopping. Anders began to dig for another potion in his pack, cursing the fact that he had to go through such an experience again.

"_This must be quite a shock to you, isn't it?" Wynne asked as soon as they left the Commander's rooms. They could hear her already rushing about her chambers, preparing for her immediate departure to Highever._

"_Yes, it is." He agreed as they walked down the corridors. "I never would have thought that the Commander wouldn't know who the father would be. What a great dinner show this will turn out to be!"_

"_I was actually referring to Neria Surana." She casually replied._

_Anders froze in place while Wynne continued to step ahead. She stopped and turned around when she noticed he was no longer walking by her side. He gave her a pained look. "You know about Neria?"_

"_Indeed I do." Wynne nodded. "Most of the senior enchanters were aware of what happened. Although it was certainly a difficult secret to maintain."_

_Anders sighed and rubbed at his neck awkwardly. "It's been a while since I've heard that name. Neria's situation wasn't the most pleasant by any means. Dare I say it was the main reason why I ran from the tower for the seventh time."_

_Wynne let out a sad sigh. "Neria's story was truly a sad one. I never thought I would see the same circumstances unfold before me yet again. I am getting much too old for this."_

_Anders looked at Wynne with suspicion. "Why didn't you tell the Commander what happened?"_

"_I could ask you the same question." She responded, folding her hands together and held them behind her back._

"_Well…because…you know. It didn't end well. I couldn't be the harbinger of bad news twice in one night." Anders sheepishly admit._

_Wynne nodded in agreement. "Don't worry. I couldn't bring myself to tell her for the same reason. She seems very…happy."_

"_Yes…I didn't think I would ever see the sight of the Warden Commander dancing around like that." Anders chuckled remorsefully._

_After a few moments of thick silence, Wynne spoke up. "We will do our best for Elissa. If she is intent on having this child, the most we can do is use what we have learned in the past."_

_Anders shook his head in despair. "How will we be able to do that? Neria was surrounded by the most gifted mages in all of Ferelden and that didn't do her any good."_

"_We will try." Wynne repeated firmly and stepped towards the younger mage. She placed her hand on his cheek in an affectionate gesture. "Elissa means a lot to you as well, does she not? We will do what is best for everyone. Perhaps what happened to Neria will not repeat with Elissa."_

"Here is the midwife!" Ser Gilmore shouted as he half-dragged in a frazzled looking woman who was clutching a worn leather bag to her chest. Anders snapped out of his reverie as the midwife timidly walked into the room.

"Thank the Maker." Leliana murmured as she smoothed back the hair on Elissa's forehead.

"Wh…what is going on here?" The woman was confused and her eyes widened as she saw Elissa on the bed. "Isn't that Lady Cousland? She is with child?"

"We greatly require your assistance, madam." Ser Gilmore explained, still panting for breath. "As you have just observed, Lady Cousland has suddenly gone into birthing and is in horrible pain."

The midwife took a deep breath as she gathered her surroundings. Her eyes widened as she saw the trail of blood on the floor and on the bed. She tossed her bag to the side and rushed over to the bed to observe Elissa. "So much blood…this is not good."

"Not good? What's going on?" Alistair demanded, looking anxiously at them both.

"I do not know of the circumstances or how long she has been carrying." The midwife nervously glanced at the mage. "But with this much blood loss, we may…lose both Lady Cousland and the child. I have never seen this before."

"What?" Alistair and Leliana both shouted their reponse in unison.

"I've seen this before." Anders replied quietly. Everyone reacted as if he had yelled it.

"When have you seen this?" Leliana asked, shocked at Anders' reluctant admission.

Anders glanced uncomfortably the midwife, who was positioning Elissa to prepare for the birth. "When I was at the tower, there was one elven mage who was carrying and stayed at the tower for care. It was only when the child was ready to be born when she went through such difficulty. Like our Commander, it was sudden…and so much blood."

Everyone's faces were identical masks of horror as Anders continued his explanation. "One of the mages who assisted the birth believed the struggle was because of the child."

"The child?" Elissa whispered.

Anders gazed at her with a serious expression. "The mage…her name was Neria Surana. She was a Grey Warden."

Alistair shook his head angrily. "You knew of another Grey Warden that birthed a child and you didn't say anything about it?"

"I did not want to mention anything because it did not end well." Anders stated, giving Elissa an apologetic stare. "I'm sorry, Commander. I should have told you the truth, but I did not want to cause you further torment than what you were dealing with."

Elissa felt an ice cold shiver run down her back. Her pain instantly numbed from the shock of the realization. "What happened?"

"Because of his parentage, the child was…cursed." Anders explained, grimacing from the memory. "The mage that was assisting in the birth had a theory. She said that all bodies are naturally unable to handle the Grey Warden poison. I didn't understand it myself until I underwent the joining and discovered what it was. Your womb is rejecting the child so violently because it is also carrying the taint."

Elissa paled and Alistair fearfully asked, "What…happened to the mage Warden?"

Anders felt his heart sink at the remembrance. "She…is no longer with us."

"And the child?" Elissa questioned with dread in her eyes.

Anders shook his head. "The child lived, but I don't know what became of him. The templars took the child away as soon as he was born."

Fergus ran in with a pot of hot water and several linens draped across his arms. "Here is what you needed!" He set them before the midwife before running back to his sister's side. "Are you okay, Elissa?"

Elissa managed to give her brother a weak smile. "Don't worry, Fergus. I'll…be fine."

The midwife turned to Anders and whispered. "The child must come out. We may have to resort to drastic measures…either to use a birthing hook or to cut it out."

Alistair heard the woman's words and faced the mage with blazing fury. "I will not allow Elissa to be sacrificed!"

At those words, Elissa immediately grabbed Alistair by his neck to look him in the eye. "Alistair! You will promise me this!"

"I am not promising to allow you to die!" He shouted his denial.

Another searing bolt of pain coursed through her being. She felt the warm and alluring darkness try to overtake her consciousness. She struggled for breath but did not take her eyes away from his. "You said this was our child and that you would love it! Swear to me, Alistair! Do not let our child die, even if I am lost because of it! Swear it!"

He shook his head. "I…can't!"

"Swear it!" She begged, wincing from the torture slashing from inside of her.

Alistair hesitated…but then reluctantly nodded.

Leliana choked back a sob. Fergus sank to his knees. Ser Gilmore cast his gaze away, unable to watch his mistress's last moments. Anders remained silent, his face twisted with grief.

"Thank you." Elissa said softly and sank into the inviting reach that drew her blissfully away from the pain and into the pleasant darkness.

* * *

"I have returned!" Velanna called out as soon as she entered the Keep. Her voice echoed through the cavernous entry hall. She shut the massive door behind her, looking about for any signs of her fellow Wardens.

"Well…don't you all come out at once." She sarcastically muttered and looked around. The Keep was empty save for a few silent guards. Normally Anders would at least rush out to welcome her back. Things have gotten quite stale without the Commander around.

She decided to check and see if Nathaniel was in his study. Ever since he was temporarily placed in charge, she found him more dreary and serious than ever. _Although his work ethic was quite admirable for a filthy human_, she thought to herself.

She walked through the corridors and found Nathaniel's chambers. "Acting Commander, I have returned." She announced loudly before pushing the door open.

Nathaniel was at his desk, ignoring the parchments before him, and staring out the window. He almost jumped as Velanna burst in. He quickly turned to see the elf stride in and raise her eyebrow in her usual haughty manner. "Velanna…You're back?" He rubbed at his eyes. "I didn't hear any word that you would be returning so quickly."

"Nice to see you are so excited to see me." Velanna flashed her teeth and crossed her arms. "Adviser Wynne requested I return to Amaranthine after a bit of an accident."

"What did you do?" Nathaniel's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Velanna shrugged. "There was an overly grabby noble that was present at a bann's meet. I simply put him in his place the only way I knew how."

Nathaniel sighed. "That you would. Who was it?"

"A lecher by the name of Vaughan." She waved in disgust.

"Oh, Vaughan." Nathaniel recognized the name. "A lecher, he is that. I never cared for him much and I can say I'm glad for whatever you have decided to do with him."

Velanna gave him a coy smile. "Just a little incident with a bit of flame, is all. His hair may eventually grow back."

At her reply, Nathaniel let out a burst of laughter. Velanna smiled smugly and crossed her arms. "Well, I'm glad to have amused you enough to break you out of that depressing rut."

Nathaniel couldn't help being amused by the elf's bluntness. "I didn't realize my happiness was such a concern amongst you all."

Velanna gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "You must think of us as stupid as Anders. You were so miserable that your very presence made a room frigid with cold."

Nathaniel sighed and rubbed his face. The thick stubble scratched against the palm of his hand. "I guess I have been doing a pretty good job of keeping everyone away."

"If you keep acting like a sullen Chantry shut-in, the Commander will end up leaving you." She smirked.

Nathaniel returned his gaze at the sky outside. The winter clouds had cleared, making way for the bright blue sky. He had been reminiscing on how much the blue matched Elissa's eyes...and was wondering if he would ever be able to revel in their beauty again. He let out a small sigh. "That is nothing to worry about. The Commander has already left me."

"What? Are you jesting?" Velanna stopped short, her self-satisfied expression was quickly replaced with confusion. "Aren't you both together? You do not have to hide it from me, _everyone_ knows it…even the Seneschal."

Nathaniel's face looked weary as he turned back to Velanna. "No jesting. We were never really together to begin with."

Velanna shifted awkwardly. "I…apologize. I believed you were both romantically involved…of some sorts."

"So did I." He murmured. "But your apology is accepted."

Velanna quickly changed the subject and placed her hands on her slim hips. "Where is Anders anyway?"

"He is with the Commander over at Highever." Nathaniel went back to straightening the parchments on his desk.

Velanna blinked. "What? Isn't the King also over at Highever as well? What is Anders doing over there?"

"To check on Elissa. She is ill, after all." Nathaniel lied smoothly.

"And you are not there because…?"

"Because Elissa has entrusted me to watch over Amaranthine and the Wardens." He responded cleanly as he got up from his chair. "At the moment, the most I can do for Elissa is lessen the burden she carries. I'll only add to her problems if I stay glued to her side."

Velanna gave Nathaniel a slow smile. "You are quite the chivalrous one, aren't you?"

"Believe it or not…it's how I was raised." As if to accentuate his point, Nathaniel snapped his ledger shut. He walked over to Velanna and held out his arm. "Now that you've returned back from Denerim, how about we have ourselves some supper in celebration for your return?"

"I suppose." Velanna relented and grudgingly threaded her arm through his. "I do admit, I have been craving roasted meat ever since I lit Vaughan on fire. Peculiar, isn't it?"

* * *

**A/N:** A quick note, I got so many responses about the last chapter with Elissa's birthing XD I was wriggling with a need to reply because I wanted to post the next chapter right away, but as you can see there is a reason I made Elissa go through such a sudden scary experience (Although I loved Lorlei24's explanation! Of **course **it's a magical baby! ^^) I normally keep two chapters ahead as I post them so I can make any last minute changes XD

I love all your helpful hints and constructive criticism! =D I'm so sorry I had to keep you all in the dark like that, _Ooo_ I wish they would allow me to respond to my reviews T_T

Also, I am planning a story with Anders after this is over (hence the lead-in for this chapter ^^) So I would love any additional Anders love you can provide if I post it later down the road. ^^

Thanks for all your positive input! Next chapter is the last! *Cheers...annnnnnnnddddddd falls asleep on laptop keyboard* ~_~


	30. Outgrown

**Outgrown**

Anders nervously looked behind him as he quickly walked down the halls of Denerim palace. As the guards greeted him as he passed, he simply inclined his head and prayed that no one noticed how anxious he appeared to be. Luckily, the palace staff were busy preparing for the upcoming merriment that day…after all, the declaration of a new heir does not happen often.

As he approached the double doors to Wynne's personal study, he glanced around to make sure no one was following him. He quickly entered the chambers without a knock and closed the doors quietly behind him.

Wynne was sitting at her desk, reading the latest letter she had received from First Enchanter Irving from the Tower. She calmly glanced up and smiled at her visitor. "Why hello, Anders. My word…why do you look so pale and uneasy?"

Anders let out the breath he was holding in and wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand. "It's impossible to feel anything but nerves when you carry the great secret of Ferelden in your robes."

Wynne immediately set her correspondence aside and stood up. "You have them with you?"

Anders nodded and reached into his potion pack. He pulled out three small crystal vials, each slightly different in shape, all three filled with dark red liquid. Anders quickly handed them to Wynne, glad to have the bottles of blood off his person. "The round one belongs to the King. The skinnier one belongs to Nathaniel…" He explained. "The smaller one belongs to…the Commander."

Wynne carefully observed each vial to make sure there were no leaks. She carefully set them on the desk and drummed her fingers against her chin. "Did anyone suspect you of anything?"

He shook his head. "Not in the slightest. Everything went according to our plan."

Wynne smiled gently. "Good job, Anders. Thank you. With this, I believe Ferelden's legacy has been saved."

"I'll keep telling myself I did it for the Legacy." He muttered. "_Right. _That'll make me feel less guilty."

On the very night that they discovered the Warden Commander was carrying, Wynne immediately began plans to secure Alistair's throne. At first, Anders was reluctant to become involved with the plot. However, the Senior Mage had convinced him that it was the best they could do…without having to resort to blood magic.

_She also brought up Neria to guilt me into all this, that sneaky woman. _Anders eyed the old mage with caution. The little old lady act was just a cover up. He ended up doing most of the labor himself.

The older mage rubbed his arm amicably. "It had to be done. It was the best we could do."

Anders heavily sighed in response. He accepted the fact that what was done was done. "The sad thing is, I feel much more remorse over Nathaniel's request."

"Oh? He made a request? You never told me that." Wynne raised an eyebrow.

"Right before I left for Highever. Nathaniel made me swear that if the birthright ritual proved him to be the father, to immediately switch his vial with the King's." Anders gazed at the bottles of blood on the table. "What a noble fool. Would have saved us both a lot of trouble if he had just told us sooner."

"Quite an honorable man…" Wynne softly agreed. "I believe we should be grateful that everyone did not realize we had no intentions of doing the blood magic spell to begin with."

"We were very lucky." Anders admit. "Nobody even wanted to see how the spell was even done. I was left alone with the baby for several moments to get it done. Felt like an idiot just standing around with the child, pretending to do some dastardly evil ritual."

Wynne laughed at the image Anders painted for her in her head. "Quite convenient, I must say. Perhaps it's the Maker's way of telling us that what we did was right."

"Or maybe we're just lucky we didn't get caught." Anders replied, frowning. He remembered cradling the newborn child for the first time and the moment the baby's eyes opened and looked at him with eyes as blue as the sky. "That child is a spitting image of the Commander. How difficult would it have been to lie if the child came out looking just like Nathaniel?"

"Stop berating yourself." Wynne commanded. "You have done a great service for Ferelden. The King remains on the throne and the country has an heir."

"I'll try to get over it…but it's not something that is easily done. Everyone is right…I'm terrible with secrets." He sighed and then nodded his head towards the vials of blood. "May I ask what you will be planning to do with those?"

"I am going to keep them safe." Wynne picked up a vial and swirled it lightly between her fingers. "Something may happen in the future in which these would be necessary. It is always best to be prepared for the worst, don't you agree?"

Anders crossed his arms and furrowed his brow. "Wynne, something has been tormenting me for the past few nights. I…believe the child is Nathaniel's." He watched Wynne reach into her desk to retrieve a small chest. "What do you think?"

"Do you mean to ask who I believe the true father is?" Wynne asked, half- amused as she delicately placed the bottles within the velvet lining of the case.

"Yes. Just between us…and please tell me truthfully." Anders requested. "Your intuition always seems to be right."

Wynne chuckled. "Well then, I will answer you as honestly as I can. The child is Alistair's." She stated simply and shut the top of the box, hearing the lock snap in place. "And that is that."

Anders rolled his eyes at Wynne's short answer. He felt a small feeling of regret for Nathaniel's loss…but it was just as Wynne said, he was an honorable man. To give up everything for the sake of his love, Anders couldn't even comprehend how Nathaniel was able to take it so well.

Anders stepped towards the nearby window and gazed out. The winter snow was slowly melting away to spring and hints of green were already showing on the budding flower beds of the courtyard. He noticed Teyrn Cousland and Chancellor Eamon discussing something while walking along the paths below.

"_That is that_…indeed." Anders murmured and turned away from the window.

* * *

"I am glad you have accepted Elissa's child as heir to the throne so easily, Eamon." Fergus told the old Chancellor as he walked alongside him.

They both walked slowly along the winding path of the large palace courtyard, admiring the small signs of spring that surrounded them. Eamon had his hands clasped behind his back as he chuckled. "Why wouldn't I? It is Alistair's child after all…and thus carries the Theirin blood. Ferelden is now secure with an heir and the bann will no longer have to concern themselves with arguing over a new Queen to provide a successor."

Fergus gave an inward sigh of relief. He was glad that everyone had agreed to keep the ritual of birthright a secret from the Chancellor and the bann. Even if Anders had announced the father to be Alistair, he could already see the sinister seeds of doubt that would sprout in the minds of the nobles, too ready to discard any new claim to the throne that wasn't of their own blood.

Eamon continued as if he could read Fergus' line of thought. "Of course…some of the bannorn are a bit upset at the circumstances. But you cannot blame them for being a bit selfish…they were all arguing in hopes to place one of their own relatives on the throne as Queen."

"Maker help us if they want to challenge the King's newborn child." Fergus mused.

"Ah…In my opinion, I believe it has worked out for the best. The Couslands are the most respected of all nobles in Ferelden. With the child being both Theirin and Cousland, nobody in the bann can argue the nobility in the bloodline." Eamon chuckled.

"If you believe it so, Eamon. Although I do admit, I am very glad I will no longer have to deal with such awful long meets discussing the King's future bride. Maybe now we may be able to argue over things of much larger relevance that do not make my stomach churn."

Eamon let out a hearty laugh and laid his hand on Fergus' shoulder. "You remind me so much of your father, young Teyrn. It's good to see that same intense passion to someone as old as I."

"It is just as good to see the same enthusiasm in you as well, Eamon." Fergus replied, smiling at the Chancellor's compliment.

Their stroll was cut short as they saw Leliana quickly approaching and waving them forward. "Chancellor! I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Oh? What is going on?"

"I'm afraid there has been another mishap involving Bann Vaughan and Velanna again. You may want to go over and settle some ruffled feathers before she really decides to burn the rest of him as she did with his hair." Leliana suggested.

"Oh dear." Eamon shook his head and turned to Fergus. "I will see you a little later. I am getting tired of these stupid insignificant fights. They're nobles, not children for Andraste's sake. Excuse me."

Fergus bowed his head at Eamon as he hurried off into the palace. Leliana let out a sigh as soon as the Chancellor disappeared from sight. "I really hope she does burn him to a crisp. Maker only knows how much I have been wanting to stab that man in the back myself."

The Teyrn laughed at Leliana's comment. "Well, I'm glad to know that the women find Vaughan as repulsive as the men do."

Leliana turned to Fergus and gave him a supportive smile. "How have you been? I apologize that I have not gotten the chance to speak with you since you arrived back from Highever."

Fergus rubbed the stiffness in his neck. "It has been a bit lonely, is all. I didn't realize how much I have missed having Elissa's voice around me."

"Do you miss your sister?" She asked.

"I do, yes." Fergus confessed and turned to Leliana. "Did you not miss her when she had to become Warden Commander and left you all back in Denerim?"

Leliana tilted her head while she pondered over her answer. "I loved her very much…of course I missed her. It was quite difficult for me to stay behind while she continued her battle."

"Loved, eh?" Fergus raised an eyebrow. "I guess the bonds between two women are very strong."

Leliana flashed the Teyrn a bright grin. "Indeed. I remember how enigmatic she was while we prepared for our battles. I could barely take my eyes off her." She wistfully sighed. "Unfortunately, if Alistair hadn't gotten to her first…"

Fergus' head snapped towards Leliana with wide eyes. "Wait…do you mean to tell me you loved my sister…in _that_ way?"

Leliana gave him a coy smile. "Is that a shock? Your sister was so captivating, courageous, and full of heart…much like you, Teyrn Cousland. Apparently it runs in the family, doesn't it?"

Fergus felt himself fumble at the surprising compliment. "I…er…well…Thank you, I suppose. You do realize that I am a _man_, do you not?"

"Of course, I do. How could I not be aware? You are not as nearly as soft as your sister." She teased and delicately held out her hand. "Shall we go prepare for the upcoming celebrations, Teyrn Cousland?"

Fergus laughed and took hold of her offered hand, giving it a lavish kiss. "Only if you stop your terrible jests. Then I will have to show you there is nothing soft about the Couslands."

* * *

Zevran and Oghren were enjoying a rare sociable moment, both sneaking drinks from the bottles of ale and wine that were set out for the commemoration. From the sides, they watched Teyrn Cousland and Leliana enter the halls together arm in arm.

"Would you look at that?" Oghren slurred, drinking down his fifteenth mug for the day. "Nice to see Little Red isn't as frigid as I always say she is."

Zevran laughed in response as he sipped at his goblet. "I always had my suspicions that she was partial to our Commander. I suppose a male version of our lovely Elissa is sufficient enough, yes?"

"I hope he gives her what she's been needing for the longest sodding time." Oghren snorted as he refilled his mug. "Besides, if anyone was partial to the Commander, it was you."

"Ah, yes…" Zevran hummed. "But to be fair, I also found the King to be very striking as well."

Oghren choked on his ale. "Wait, what?"

Zevran casually nodded, gently swishing the goblet he held in his hand. "Oh yes, I remember well. Elissa and her stunning beauty with Alistair's fascinating allure. How many times did I try to get those two to include me in their intimate…"

"By the tits of my ancestors!" Oghren yelled and cringed. "Don't sodding tell me things like this when I'm not completely drunk!"

"Oh? My apologies, friend. I thought you were asking."

"Gah! Why would I ask about things like that, you fruity little nug-licker?"

Zevran took another sip from his wine. "I would like to think of myself as an all-opportunist lover. Come one, come all, as they say…ah, but do not worry. I have absolutely no attraction towards you, so there is no need to be uncomfortable."

Oghren stomped his foot. "Good! Because there's no sodding way…wait. What about me don't you find attractive?"

Zevran's reply was interrupted as Sigrun ran up to them both. "You two! Have you seen the King? We can't seem to find him anywhere…the Chantry mother has been going crazy trying to find him. The ceremony can't start without his participation."

"Where else would he be?" Zevran shrugged. "He is probably in the baby's chambers again. I saw him headed that way just a few moments ago."

"Again?" Sigrun let out an exasperated breath. "He's a King, not a nursemaid!"

"Hah!" Oghren grunted with laughter. "Apparently you haven't known the boy as long as we have…isn't that right, you knife-eared pipe-cleaner?"

"Absolutely, my foul-smelling drunkard." Zevran good-naturedly agreed and clinked his goblet against Oghren's mug.

* * *

Alistair leaned over the intricately carved railings of the cradle. He felt a warm feeling of pleasure as the baby cooed and grabbed at his fingers. Alistair could never find enough time to marvel and indulge his newborn child. Born with soft brown curls and clear blue eyes, the baby resembled Elissa so perfectly it was uncanny. The baby let out another gurgle of delight as Alistair made his amusing faces.

"You know, you're just going to end up spoiling her if you keep that up."

Alistair spun around at the voice at the doorway, smiling guiltily. "I can't help it. Look how beautiful she is…can you really blame me?"

"The little princess will have her father wrapped around her little finger, just you watch."

"I can't help it…I'm a slave to beautiful women…and she is the second most beautiful girl in the world." Alistair quickly made long strides towards the door and kissed his visitor deeply. He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her close against his chest. "You being the first, my lovely Elissa."

Elissa laughed and slapped her hand against Alistair's royal armor. "Oh stop, you flatterer. I am feeling far from beautiful at the moment."

"Flatterer? You look like a vision sent by the Maker Himself and you claim that I'm simply flattering you?" Alistair trailed kisses along her neck, making her laugh in response.

To Alistair, it was unbelievable…unimaginable. The day his daughter was born, he was completely unprepared for the possibility of losing the one he loved.

_He had felt completely useless as Elissa fell limp in his arms and then Anders ordered the midwife to cut the baby from her womb. He had took look away from all the blood that followed, squeezing Elissa's lifeless hand as he thanked Andraste for her reprieve from such pain._

_A small wail had brought him back from his despair and he had turned his gaze back to the midwife who held his child in her hands. "It's a girl!" The woman announced as she hectically waved Alistair over. "Please, hurry over here and assist me with your daughter!"_

_Alistair numbly obeyed the midwife and kneeled on the floor beside her. Anders was over Elissa's motionless body, muttering his healing spells with rapid succession. The midwife was instructing him on how to hold his child while she assisted in cleaning the blood off of her. _

_Alistair stared down at the baby who cried in his arms, flailing her little fists and feet into the air as he tried to keep her wrapped in the soft linens that were tinged with red. Her skin was a dark pink as the midwife gently washed her skin while he held her. He could see his daughter already had a sparse amount of hair, matted and curled against her head from the blood._

_He did not think it was possible…but he found himself in love with the little girl in his arms. Barely a few moments old…he found himself pledging that he would do anything for her…to fight for her…and to die for her. His daughter, Elissa's daughter…she was so perfect!_

_He did not know how much time had passed but he broke out of his trance as soon as he heard Leliana's shocked cry of relief. He whipped his head around to see Fergus and Leliana clutching at Elissa's hands. Anders was kneeling at the foot of the bed, covered in blood, and looking exhausted. _

_Alistair, still holding his daughter, slowly rose to his feet and looked at Elissa's face. Her expression was peaceful, as if she were sleeping. He looked down and saw what caused Leliana's gasp of disbelief._

_Elissa's fingers, which were completely unresponsive before, were gently gripping Leliana's hand. A sign so simple and plain, brought Alistair back to his knees…weeping with tears of joy._

The young King recalled how Anders was incredulous at Elissa's survival through such an ordeal. Apparently the Warden Neria had died so quickly during the birth that the mages were unable to save her in time. Anders stated that perhaps it was the Commander's sheer streak of stubbornness kept her from falling into the fade for her eternal rest. Alistair couldn't help to think it was something so much more.

Whatever it was, it was truly a miracle that Elissa was with him…and he swore that he would thank the Maker every day for the blessing.

Alistair smiled softly at the woman who stood before him. She wore a heavily ordained ivory dress, with a long train of silk that trailed behind her. Her lower arms were gloved and her hair was pinned up in an array of curls.

"I must say…that is a lovely gown you are wearing, Lady Cousland." Alistair praised, his eyebrows wiggling teasingly.

"I'm sure it looks lovely…but to tell you the truth…" Elissa tried to scratch at her neck, annoyed at her gloves. "The lace on this dress is driving me mad. It itches terribly!"

Alistair let out a laugh and kissed her again. "Well, try to keep this on for just a little while longer. I swear that the wedding and the coronation will be done in record time…and before you know it, we'll be calling you Queen before sundown."

Elissa beamed at him, lightly caressing his cheek. "Speaking of which…I heard the Chantry mother was searching for you. You'd best hurry and see her before she decides to renounce the whole thing."

Alistair bashfully scratched at his head. "Well…we definitely don't want that to happen. I'll go to her right now."

Elissa looked around. "Where is the nanny?"

"Ah, I asked her to allow me a few moments with our daughter. She is used to it by now…I'm sure she'll be heading back up here at any moment. Would you like me to stay here a bit longer until she comes back?"

Elissa shook her head and waved Alistair off. "Don't worry, I'll stay with her until the nanny comes back. Off with you or else you'll be receiving the Chantry mother's wrath to no end."

"You would think somebody would mellow out with such old age, don't you think?" Alistair joked and then gave Elissa a kiss on her forehead. "I will be right back, my love."

Alistair quickly left the nursery and shut the door quietly behind him. Elissa went to the cradle to check on her daughter. The baby instantly recognized her mother with a toothless smile and raised her arms as if requesting to be held.

"You are getting quite smart, aren't you?" Elissa cooed and lifted her daughter up into her arms.

Even Elissa couldn't help but to be astonished at the similarities between herself and her daughter. When Anders had declared Alistair to be the father after the ritual, she wondered why her daughter didn't receive any physical traits from her father. Deep in her heart, she couldn't help being curious if Morrigan's child resembled Alistair more than her own.

"There is something exceptionally beautiful about a woman cradling her child."

Elissa quickly turned to the voice that came from the window. Nathaniel was perched on the sill, smiling softly at her. He was in his noble's clothing, his dark hair was tied up in the back to make himself more presentable.

"Nathaniel." Elissa whispered in surprise. "How did you get up here? How were the guards unable see you in broad daylight?"

Nathaniel clicked his tongue at her. "You should know by now that you should stop underestimating my skills, Elissa."

She let out a laugh. "I suppose I should."

Nathaniel's eyes softened as a smile played upon his lips. "You look well, Elissa. I'm glad."

"You as well…" She replied. "I guess I should be congratulating you on your most recent promotion…as the new Commander of forces in Amaranthine."

"Promotion, you say. You are still the Warden Commander of Ferelden. I am still your loyal soldier to the end, my dear." He bowed his head with a grin.

Elissa had missed Nathaniel's playfulness. She couldn't resist joking back with him. "Fine words you say, but you sure have been doing quite a good job hiding yourself since I saw you last."

He jumped into the room, landing gracefully on his feet. "I presumed you'd be busy with your newest duty…being a new mother and all." He hesitated before continuing. "They haven't announced her formally yet…what is her name?"

Elissa gently cradled her daughter in her arms. "Her name is Fiona Eleanor Theirin."

Nathaniel blinked. "Fiona? Quite an unconventional name for a human girl. Why didn't you name her Eleanor first?"

Elissa shook her head with smile. "When Oren was born, Fergus had intended to name him Bryce the Second. My mother absolutely refused the idea, stating that a child deserves her own name. So I named her after Fiona, a Grey Warden in a book I was reading. I think my mother will not be too upset that the first name does not belong to her grandparent."

He nodded in agreement. "Fiona is a beautiful name. I'm sure your mother is pleased."

"Thank you." Elissa replied and then gave a brief pause. "Would you…would you like to hold her?"

Nathaniel was taken aback by her question. "I…um…if you do not mind. She's so small."

"Of course I don't mind. Just hold her gently…here." Elissa gingerly passed her daughter into Nathaniel's arms.

As Nathaniel held the baby girl in his arms, Fiona looked up and let out a happy squeal of glee. He was already enchanted by the child, who seemed to already trust and accept him completely. Her eyes were the same sky blue as her mother's…her brown hair even curled at the ends.

He intentionally avoided asking Anders who the true father was. He did not want to know the outcome of the ritual because he had given up his claim for Elissa's happiness with the King. But as he cradled the baby and saw her smile up at him, he could not help to think, _Are you my daughter? Are you the child between Elissa and I?_

After a few moments, Nathaniel handed Fiona back to Elissa. "She's a beauty, all right. I can already predict her breaking many hearts when she grows older."

A small expression of hurt ran across Elissa's face at Nathaniel's comment. He saw her reaction and held his hands up in protest. "No, no…I didn't mean it like that. Uh…I meant…"

Elissa shook her head with a sad smile. "It's all right. I understand." She walked back to the cradle to place Fiona back into the blankets.

Nathaniel took a deep breath. He had come with a full speech in mind, to tell Elissa not to concern herself over him any longer…that he was fine and would move on. However, his carefully prepared words have dissipated into the air like smoke as soon as he saw her face.

He reached over and tentatively took her gloved hand. "Elissa…" He started awkwardly. "I…I want you to know that I am very happy for you. I wish you nothing but the best."

Elissa felt tears spring into her eyes. "Nathaniel…I'm so sorry I…"

He held his hand up to interrupt her. "Allow me to finish." He gave her a remorseful smile "I want you to know that I still love you quite deeply. If the King does not treasure you like the jewel that you are…I will personally come back and snatch you away."

Tears rolled down her face at his words, Nathaniel quickly wiped them away with his thumb. "I told you that I vow to do whatever makes you happy, Elissa. If this is what makes you happy, I am content…so do not cry for me."

"I…love you, Nathaniel." Elissa whispered, her voice cracking.

"As I love you." He responded affectionately. His head snapped up as he heard sounds of footsteps approaching the nursery. "It sounds like somebody is coming back. I will have to take my leave."

He rushed over to the window and Elissa followed him. "Will you be all right? We are very high up from the ground."

Nathaniel lifted himself into the sill. "Don't worry…I was able to get myself up, I will just as easily find my way back down." He paused and turned back to Elissa, who gazed at him with wet eyes. "Forgive me, Elissa. Grant me my one last selfish wish."

Nathaniel bent down and pressed his lips onto Elissa's. She did not swat him away or draw him closer. She accepted his kiss as a finality…knowing that they would never share such a moment ever again.

He pulled away and gave her small smile. "Goodbye, Elissa." With those parting words, he leapt from the window and disappeared from her sight.

"Goodbye, Nathaniel." She replied softly, as tears dropped from her eyes.

The door swung open and the old elven nanny stepped into the room. "Oh, My Lady! I'm sorry that I was gone for so long. The King requested I leave him alone with his daughter."

Elissa turned around to face her. "No, it's okay. He just left…I wanted to spend some time with Fiona too."

"Are you okay, My Lady? You seem to be crying."

"Oh." Elissa quickly dabbed away her tears with her gloved hand. "I apologize. I'm just…very happy at the moment."

The nanny laughed. "It is to be expected, after all. It is your wedding day. You are free to cry all you want."

Elissa shook her head and smiled in response. "Crying is not very ladylike. I will need to stop immediately or else Fiona will learn my bad habits. I would hate for her to grow up thinking that this is acceptable behavior for a woman."

"Now, now, My Lady…that is still a long ways off." The elf wagged her finger at Elissa, going over to the cradle to check on the baby. "The Princess is still young and she will undoubtedly pick up many things, good and bad. She should only be so lucky to become such a lovely lady as yourself."

At those words, Elissa recalled the day back in Redcliffe when she was a child, wearing that horribly scratchy gown as Nan fussed and nagged at her about how a proper young lady should act. She couldn't help laughing at the remembrance of that scene in her childhood. The day she met her knight in shining armor.

A small knock at the door interrupted her thoughts and both Elissa and the nanny turned to see Alistair return to the nursery, with a sheepish expression on his face. "The Chantry mother scolded me for being unable to memorize the decorum of the marriage ceremony."

Elissa stifled a smile. "As you should be. It is quite an important formal procedure, Your Majesty."

The young King turned to the nanny. "The Chantry mother would like to speak to you in regards to bringing Fiona out during her official coronation."

"Oh bother." The nanny huffed. "Servant to the Maker or no, that woman is unbearable with her nit-picking. How many times can we go over such details?" She bowed to them both before taking her leave. "I will be back shortly. Pardon me."

As soon as the nanny disappeared, Alistair let out the deep sigh of exhaustion he had been holding in. He immediately went to the cradle and picked Fiona up, cuddling her to his chest. "You would think that all this wouldn't be so complicated! Marry the girl, announce the daughter, merriment all around...how can it be so difficult?"

Elissa lovingly reached up to hold Alistair's head in her hands. "Do you think this is more difficult than what we went through to slay the archdemon and save Ferelden from the darkspawn?"

"Yes." Alistair replied flatly, holding Fiona gently in his arms. "I would much rather face that archdemon a million times over than to deal with the Chantry mother. The monster breathed less fire and brimstone…and didn't badger me as much."

Elissa laughed and touched her forehead to his. "You know…we could run away for a bit. Just hide from our troubles for a little while?"

Alistair gave a huge grin at Elissa's suggestion. "This is why I love you. This day is about us after all…the ceremony can't start without us."

Fiona let out a small giggle as if she were in agreement with their thoughts. Elissa hitched up her skirts with one hand and grabbed Alistair's hand with the other. "Shall we go then?"

"We shall." Alistair bent down to nuzzle his daughter for a brief moment. "Maker help us, Fiona. Let's hope that you turn out to be much more of an adult than we are. I would have thought we've outgrown all this."

The family ran out from the nursery, the peals of their laughter trailing behind them, just as they did when they were both children in Redcliffe all those years ago.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for bearing with me for so long! =D I had no intention of having the story get so long, so I apologize for all those who stuck with it in the long haul!

As you can see, I am a bit of a wussy and I couldn't kill off Elissa. But as for the baby's real parentage, I'll leave that up to your assumptions...I may write a sequel to follow up on it, but for now, I'm happy with being evil and keeping that fact to myself =S

I hope some DA fans caught the small joke in regards to Fiona's name XD

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed and gave me such great support and constructive criticism! I really appreciated each one! I promise that the next story will not be as long ^^


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